What's a parent to do?

[guero_gordo]

I'd just go with the rationale that it will still be "our thing" and that you will really be looking forward to hearing how it went today. Maybe bang the drum on how great things are going and how it would be a shame not to keep growing.
I think if you get her through the first period of thinking about what's going to be different, she'll re-engage.

Best of luck.

 

[crystlemc]

Thank you for your service. I have no advice as you know her better than any of us could, so I am certain you will make the right call here.

I just wanted to thank you for your service, time, and sacrifice. Godspeed.

 

[mneville277]

I really appreciate all of the responses and support - lots of good advice here and definitely a lot of points to consider.

I do agree that this may be her emotional, knee-jerk reaction. As I mentioned, this isn't the first deployment, but it is the first time I will miss the whole season - to her, this one is different and that may be all she sees right now. In time, she may (hopefully) change her mind. I just don't want her to feel forced into playing, or play just because that's what she thinks I want, so I'm trying to be very careful on how we discuss the issue.

I really like the idea of the Go-Pro - DD could take it into the dugout (provided it's not a distraction) and get video of the "atmosphere" that I'll miss. She could mix that with game pictures and video from DW to make an "almost as good as being there" experience that she could send to me and keep for herself as a video journal of her season to share when I get home. Keeps her playing for her, but sharing every moment with me - seems like a win-win! I'll float the idea and see what she thinks.

And Out in Left Field - no apology necessary for your feedback. I see where you are coming from on that, maybe from a different angle, but a valuable perspective nonetheless.

 

[BobInMadison]

It appears you have a pretty good handle on things.

Best of luck!

Feel free to let everyone know how this all works out!

 

[csmda5]

My husband's last deployment was a 365 day deployment. He missed that whole softball season and the whole football season for my son. I sat in the parking lot and cried for a good 5 minutes at the football banquet, then I cried at the dinner when my daughter's team won their league championship. My son told me he wished I was gone instead of his dad the night of his banquet. My daughter would randomly start to cry at practice for what I thought were the dumbest reasons. We all behaved in ways that were different but our feelings were the same, we missed him desperately. We didn't cry on Christmas or when we ate thanks giving dinner, which seems odd. I think you expect the feelings of loss on the big things, you don't really know how lonely you will feel for the little things and that's when the sadness sneaks up on you. She's preparing herself for something that she thinks is going to make her miss you more. She's a smart little girl and probably very tough. She also might change her mind last minute. Just tell her that if she feels like playing, you'd love to hear her tell you how her practice and games went, something to remind you of home. One thing we both know, you'll all get through this and it will feel like it was ages ago that it happened. It never gets easier but you always get through it.

My daughter's first year playing was with my husband here. When he was on that deployment her second season, I had to get involved. Now it's something that is ours and it wouldn't have been if he didn't deploy for that year. I had to learn how to catch,I can now throw from outfield into home plate, I know the pain of taking a ball to the top of my foot (flip flops), and how to hit grounders with one hand.

 

[straightleg]

I also agree with previous posters.
First thanks for serving.
Seeing photos and video of her playing softball will help both of you get through the deployment in my opinion.
It will also help the men and women around you that serve to get a taste of America and freedom.

Good Luck...



Straightleg

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Thank you for keeping us safe. First of all, it is OK not to play at 10U, she would catch up quickly, when you get back. I would tell her that I want her to play and then, I would give her something - new glove, softball bracelet,etc.

 

[Jquick823]

I am in the Military and i have no advice that i could think to help you. As you know for each family it's different. Some things i do while i'm gone is have my wife record portions of her hitting practice or catching practice and send it to me. Then i call my DD and we go over it together kind of like a practice. Since i'm the one she comes to whenever she doesn't like how she's performing. We talk through it, laugh, yell, she cries (military removed my tear ducts ) but it feels good for both of us to still do the sport together from half way around the world. While i'm not standing at 3rd coaching she knows that i'm getting her AB's emailed as they happen and i'm calling in between games to talk to her if i can.

Really only you know your DD and how she handles you being gone, my family doesn't miss a beat and my wife takes over without fail. I think your girls will handle the playing without you when they see how much you're still involved.

Have a safe deployment and best of luck to your family and daughters during the never easy time.

 

[mneville277]

Folks - THIS right here is why the military spouse is the toughest job in the military. csmda5 - my hat is off to you. You all make it possible for us to do what we do, a fact that I know we take for granted from time to time. We have the "luxury" of compartmentalizing our emotions downrange while you deal with them all head-on.

I think you expect the feelings of loss on the big things, you don't really know how lonely you will feel for the little things and that's when the sadness sneaks up on you. She's preparing herself for something that she thinks is going to make her miss you more.

This part was my epiphany! My girls have always been strong through deployments - missed holidays, birthdays, achievements, milestones, etc. That is normal to them and has very little affect anymore. But in the five years she has been playing, I have always been here for some portion of her seasons so we didn't know how it would impact her. It seemed minor to me, but this was HUGE to her because it's something she hasn't had to deal with before. She didn't know how to handle it, and so her gut-reaction was to avoid it altogether.

We sat down and talked it through yesterday - long story short, she's going to play! She admitted it was her fear of facing a situation she hasn't prepared for that prompted it, but now that she thought about it, it was "silly" for her to say. She put it perfectly, "This is what being a military family is about. Sometimes it's hard, but we have to figure it out and keep going."

 

[csmda5]

So glad she was able to find the right words and tell you how she felt. It's surprisingly hard for little girls and it's great she's doing it so young. I'll be praying "time flies" for you and your family.