Moving to a competitive team or staying with friends on local team? Advice please!

[lostcreek1]

Most likely the kids will not have a problem with her leaving. It will be the parents who will give you grief.

This is absolutely 100% grown people that quit speaking to you, grown people that will wish for your child to fail. Coaches that will kick you off the team if you tell them you are moving to a better team/organization next season. You have to worry about what is best for your child, and not really worry about the fall out.

 

[Orange Socks]

Is there a Summer Allstar option through the league?? This is the best of both worlds. 5-6 summer tournaments and done. We did 5 summers of this which allowed for other sports and DD played a couple of fall seasons at an adjacent league. There were always a few parents that wanted to keep going. When DD finished her 5th Summer Allstar season(after 7th grade), I told the parents it's time for my DD fly out of the nest and go full on TB. A handful also did the same. My kid had a nice college career. She says. I don't miss softball. I miss being around my teammates.

No need to go full bore at such a young age. That's a recipe for burnout.

 

[mmeece]

Is there a Summer Allstar option through the league?? This is the best of both worlds. 5-6 summer tournaments and done. We did 5 summers of this which allowed for other sports and DD played a couple of fall seasons at an adjacent league. There were always a few parents that wanted to keep going. When DD finished her 5th Summer Allstar season(after 7th grade), I told the parents it's time for my DD fly out of the nest and go full on TB. A handful also did the same. My kid had a nice college career. She says. I don't miss softball. I miss being around my teammates.

No need to go full bore at such a young age. That's a recipe for burnout.

I was going to reply but I have almost exactly the same experience/advice as Orange Socks

 

[Vertigo]

Sadly I’m going to say get used to losing “friends” whenever you make the move to another team. It’s just the nature of TB and the folks involved in it. Obviously, they weren’t your true friends to begin with and it’s a shame that it happens.

Always just do what you feel is best for your DD’s growth and development. If people fault you for that then it’s on them.

 

[4xACharm]

When we were on a local team with friends when starting 10u, we didn't have paid coaches. It was a couple of the girls dads/moms that had experience and we just split all of the tourney/uniform costs evenly. There was definitely some daddy ball involved and expected. Most of the parents will understand you are doing what you think is best for your kid. We did the same thing in a small town and I still talk to the other parents when we see them and we "pick up" on each others teams.

Politely thank them for the time they have invested in your kid and move to a team with like minded values. Find a team that will challenge her to improve and has intense practices. Our 10u practices often with 12u and 14u and has to try and hit off of the older pitchers almost every practice.

Whatever you decide to do, keep it fun for your kid. Set a standard for working hard, but don't put too much pressure on them to succeed. If they put in the work they will figure it out.

 

[Softballislife008]

Small town social constructs can be some of the worst. With that being said, your daughter needs to be with like-minded teammates to be able to really develop and advance as a player. What she'll find is new/more friends on another team. If the other "friends" are mad at her about leaving they were never really friends to begin with. Most likely the kids will not have a problem with her leaving. It will be the parents who will give you grief.

What you're describing happens at all levels of play. There are great players on good teams who leave the good team and eventually end up with one of the top teams in the area/region/country surrounded by other great players. The players who strive to be their very best will seek the very best to play with and compete against.

When I was coaching a 10U team years ago I had a girl who was an average/weaker travel player. She struggled with things and was not one of the top players on the team. But she always worked to improve. Near the end of the season her mom came up to me and said she thought her daughter was not improving until she went back to watch an in-house game her daughter's school friends were playing in. She said after seeing her friends play she knew how much more her daughter improved compared to her friends by playing stronger competition.

The biggest thing that I've seen that holds a player back is the "Friends" thing. Especially with girls. Once they can get beyond that they're good.

Thanks for the reply!

Thats what I have been explaining to her as well! I think most of the kids are going to be fine with it as well. I feel like parents are going to mad for sure. Especially since she is the most needed player on the team.


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[Softballislife008]

If your kid is playing to compete, she is better off playing with kids that have the same drive and goals. 9/10 is pretty young, but I have seen this first hand with the same age group-rec ball- some kids want to try and they learn a little and get a little better, the majority are playing in the dirt or not paying attention- in and out of the dugout asking their parents for stuff etc.

Your DD will make friends with a new team that maybe plays to the same goals and effort, doesn’t mean she has to leave her current friends behind.

We have found that it’s very healthy to explain to our DD that some kids really love this game and want to be here and for other kids it’s something to occupy them or maybe see if they enjoy it.


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Thank you for the reply!! I often worry that her young age I should just be letting her have fun with her friends. However, I can tell a major difference in her play depending on who she is playing with. You can also tell her devastation when they lose, the other teammates do not seem to care.


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[Softballislife008]

its 8 going into 10U. relax.

I understand absolutely, on the other hand she has worked very hard to be at the level of playing ability she is at. I just want to make the best decisions for her.


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[sluggers]

The rule of thumb for moving teams:

If you write more than two paragraphs or 100 words about why the team isn't a good fit, you should change teams.

You wrote 6 paragraphs and 550 words. Change teams ASAP.

 

[Softballislife008]

Holding a player back from..what? at 8u. Kids activities, especially sports, so often put kids on this grind it out path towards some goal 12 years in the future and it's hard not to feel like they're missing exposure to any number of other things they might also enjoy.

I'd be wary of the idea that friends should take a back seat to a 9 or 10 year old towards some drive some sort of imagined future.



Having a few that really love the game does often help the other's that are just "there". But also at this age 99% of kids are probably various degrees of both. Some kids suddenly make that jump, at any point, as they mature, that you know what? this is (one of) my things. Especially at 10u, as you transition away from coaches on the field at all. Doesn't matter how serious a team you are, when the coach is pitching, it's the coaches team. When the kid is pitching, the coaches are the outsiders. they're yelling from the dugout. it's their game.

It being your friends helps that imo, but I say that as someone that didn't/doesn't make friends easily, and If I just randomly moved to a new team I would've felt less comfortable, and overall less happy. Maybe I'd settle in, depends on the mix, but I always bristle at "oh you'll make new friends on the new team" stuff. That's not so easy for everyone and sports already seems to tend to push out less extroverted types.




So there's not really any 'right' answer to the OP. It sounds like she's not playing as much softball as she wants, just frequency of standing on the diamond wise. I'm confused about the details, you're not getting regular practices but ARE playing little league games? But imo it sounds like you've already decided that you want to take this much more seriously than most people around you, traveling multiple hours for tournaments, etc. Can you not do both? Do the local little league season with your school friends, to get to play with them, but have a more serious team that gets you the skills/training/commitment she wants? I know some travel coaches frown on doing both (one of my daughter's friends might not play with us next year because the coach is whiny she might learn bad habits or something as they transition to the 12" ball, etc. Whiny imo.)

Thank you for the reply. We definitely don’t keep her from enjoying lots of other activities with her friends. We have a good balance of sports and friend time.

We are playing both travel and little league for our town, but our LL is a complete mess and we only play about 8 games. About more than half of our travel girls play as well. Our travel coaches also coach for LL and it just seems that they are more focused on coaching LL than travel. We hardly practice or play and they always seem to use LL as the excuse.


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