Moving to a competitive team or staying with friends on local team? Advice please!

[Softballislife008]

Hello All!

I’ve been a reader of DF.com for some time, there is always great advice in this forum. I’ve read lots of similar situations with great advice and wanted to seek advice with my dilemma.

My daughter is in her 3rd year of 8u ball. Shes moves up to 10u in the upcoming fall season. Her former team was great. Full of competitive, talented, skilled girls. She developed into a great middle infielder, 1st base, and hitter. Unfortunately, the coaches made decisions many were happy with and left, including us after the fall season.

Our current team learned of this and begged for our daughter to come join them. We weren’t sure at first because we were worried our daughter would hurt playing with girls at a lower level. However, we knew 3 of 4 coaches were competitive and we had seen them develop over the season so we thought let’s give it a try. Some of my daughter best friends and classmates were on this team. We knew she would love it.

Fast forward to March we joined and started with a bang. She was a missing piece and we began developing as a team (my daughter wasn’t developing any further) and playing well. However in May, it ended abruptly. In these past two months we’ve only practiced 4 times. We’ve played 1 tournament and was demolished. I am not happy with how little practices there are and we’ve not had one practice on this team with the entire team there. Our coaches seemed more consumed by our teams little league season. My daughter hasn’t developed any at all.

My dilemma is my daughter is very unhappy with how little we practice and play. Shes picked up with other teams to fill the void. However, she knows to be competitive and grow she needs to be on another team but leaving her friends is hard. How do I help her make this decision?

This team has no future imo. Only one of the coaches try to hold a practice even though there are 4 of them. The other 3 only seem to be playing daddy ball. We are moving up in 10u and my daughter is the only one who can pitch. They refuse to cut any girls who are not ready to move up, still scared of the ball(our pitcher hides behind coaches), and aren’t committed to become a better player. They refused to add any girls who would benefit us competitively. It is not fair for my daughter to work hard every single day to play with girls who don’t care if we play or not. It’s also not fair to us (her parents) to pay all this money for a coach to say that he doesn’t care if we play three and go home as long as we are developing for the future. (Yet we never practice) Many of our parents don’t want to travel outside of 2 hours to play great tourneys with better competition.

I am worried about the repercussions as well for leaving the team since we are a small town. I am afraid my daughter will lose friends and acquire enemies. I know to leave is the best decision for my daughter. Any advice? Sorry for such a long post.

 

[earlg3]

Everyone's individual situation is different, but moving between 3 different teams while still in 8u seems like a bit of a potential red flag.

That said, moving teams when you move up to 10u seems reasonable, regardless. 8u teams that move up and don't bring in any older kids to pitch/catch are in for quite a bit of growing pains, which it seems like you may not enjoy.

 

[Softballislife008]

Everyone's individual situation is different, but moving between 3 different teams while still in 8u seems like a bit of a potential red flag.

That said, moving teams when you move up to 10u seems reasonable, regardless. 8u teams that move up and don't bring in any older kids to pitch/catch are in for quite a bit of growing pains, which it seems like you may not enjoy.

Thanks for the reply! I’m not sure where you see moving to 3 teams in 8u. She has only played on two teams. One of those was for 2 1/2 seasons. We loved that team, but the coach made some really bad decisions and destroyed the team. Many left. We have only played for other team for this years spring season. We are moving up to 10u in fall.

I agree, I am worried for this teams future in the upcoming season. As stated, my daughter is the only pitcher.

 

[Sparky Guy]

Small town social constructs can be some of the worst. With that being said, your daughter needs to be with like-minded teammates to be able to really develop and advance as a player. What she'll find is new/more friends on another team. If the other "friends" are mad at her about leaving they were never really friends to begin with. Most likely the kids will not have a problem with her leaving. It will be the parents who will give you grief.

What you're describing happens at all levels of play. There are great players on good teams who leave the good team and eventually end up with one of the top teams in the area/region/country surrounded by other great players. The players who strive to be their very best will seek the very best to play with and compete against.

When I was coaching a 10U team years ago I had a girl who was an average/weaker travel player. She struggled with things and was not one of the top players on the team. But she always worked to improve. Near the end of the season her mom came up to me and said she thought her daughter was not improving until she went back to watch an in-house game her daughter's school friends were playing in. She said after seeing her friends play she knew how much more her daughter improved compared to her friends by playing stronger competition.

The biggest thing that I've seen that holds a player back is the "Friends" thing. Especially with girls. Once they can get beyond that they're good.

 

[MidwestFastpitchDad]

If your kid is playing to compete, she is better off playing with kids that have the same drive and goals. 9/10 is pretty young, but I have seen this first hand with the same age group-rec ball- some kids want to try and they learn a little and get a little better, the majority are playing in the dirt or not paying attention- in and out of the dugout asking their parents for stuff etc.

Your DD will make friends with a new team that maybe plays to the same goals and effort, doesn’t mean she has to leave her current friends behind.

We have found that it’s very healthy to explain to our DD that some kids really love this game and want to be here and for other kids it’s something to occupy them or maybe see if they enjoy it.


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[Tango]

My DD just finished HS and she has played on some great teams. She was always younger than her teammates on a very competitive local team until she turned 12. At 12 her team stopped playing since some decided to only play MS ball. She moved to a bigger organization thinking this would probably be her last team. I didn't foresee that playing with kids from different states would become an issue due to some playing HS ball in the fall and some in the spring. This would cause the team to disband after the second year. No issues with either team as far as problems other than scheduling. She moved to a new team and the drive for practice was 3 hours one way and she absolutely hated the drive and only played the fall with the team. Moved to a local team that she is one of the older players and loves the girls. Still plays with them and can another year if she chooses. She has signed so it all worked out for the best. Each journey is different. Make the most educated guess that you can possibly make for your daughter and once she gets old enough to make her on decisions help her but it has to be her decision.

 

[RADcatchers]

Make the most educated guess that you can possibly make for your daughter and once she gets old enough to make her on decisions help her but it has to be her decision.

This.

The rest is up to individuals goals.
Whether they be social friend environment,
competitive structure or whatever.
* People trying to find the right fit is the most common element!

In its own peculiar way, finding the right fit, starts to shuffle people into separate groups because it starts to define the different goals/desires in communities and social groups. Which also starts to Define Further the level of team selections in communities. That's why sometimes people drive farther to find a better fit. They actually grow out of their own local smaller social group.

Continue paying attention! Be prepared for decisions like these going forward. PS not just in softball! ?

 

[Lance Steckler]

its 8 going into 10U. relax.

 

[CoachCeetar]

The biggest thing that I've seen that holds a player back is the "Friends" thing. Especially with girls. Once they can get beyond that they're good.

Holding a player back from..what? at 8u. Kids activities, especially sports, so often put kids on this grind it out path towards some goal 12 years in the future and it's hard not to feel like they're missing exposure to any number of other things they might also enjoy.

I'd be wary of the idea that friends should take a back seat to a 9 or 10 year old towards some drive some sort of imagined future.

We have found that it’s very healthy to explain to our DD that some kids really love this game and want to be here and for other kids it’s something to occupy them or maybe see if they enjoy it.

Having a few that really love the game does often help the other's that are just "there". But also at this age 99% of kids are probably various degrees of both. Some kids suddenly make that jump, at any point, as they mature, that you know what? this is (one of) my things. Especially at 10u, as you transition away from coaches on the field at all. Doesn't matter how serious a team you are, when the coach is pitching, it's the coaches team. When the kid is pitching, the coaches are the outsiders. they're yelling from the dugout. it's their game.

It being your friends helps that imo, but I say that as someone that didn't/doesn't make friends easily, and If I just randomly moved to a new team I would've felt less comfortable, and overall less happy. Maybe I'd settle in, depends on the mix, but I always bristle at "oh you'll make new friends on the new team" stuff. That's not so easy for everyone and sports already seems to tend to push out less extroverted types.




So there's not really any 'right' answer to the OP. It sounds like she's not playing as much softball as she wants, just frequency of standing on the diamond wise. I'm confused about the details, you're not getting regular practices but ARE playing little league games? But imo it sounds like you've already decided that you want to take this much more seriously than most people around you, traveling multiple hours for tournaments, etc. Can you not do both? Do the local little league season with your school friends, to get to play with them, but have a more serious team that gets you the skills/training/commitment she wants? I know some travel coaches frown on doing both (one of my daughter's friends might not play with us next year because the coach is whiny she might learn bad habits or something as they transition to the 12" ball, etc. Whiny imo.)

 

[canyonjoe]

You probably don't want to hear this but the next year will not matter as much as you might think. Find a team she likes and play on it.