Players who play for their Parent who Coaches

[ANNASDAD]

Glad it worked out well. Enjoying coaching more without dd in the mix,
How so?

She's a great kid, worked hard, played hard, never had any issues with her. Travel could be stressful, HS ball was just plain fun, not many dad's can say they got to coach their own DD to a State Championship, and just one out away the next year from going back to back.

I don't know RAD, it's just different, not really better, just different, more relaxing I guess? But, I do miss watching her play, me and Anna had many great years together on the same field!

 

[_MIA_]

I coached my DD for two years of basketball when she was in the 3rd and 4th grade...it was either that or they had no team. She was by far the best kid on the team (and the league) and the only one I got on..I coached my DS's coach pitch baseball team and had an ERA of 0.10..we were not very good but I think he had fun (for whatever reason I don't get on him..maybe because his personality isn't like mine).

I wouldn't mind coaching when all my kids stop playing..of course I will be approximately 120 YO at that point (assuming my youngest plays through HS) so I will need a souped up walker to do so..

My father coached me through LL. It went so well that after he stopped coaching he would watch from about 350 ft away..I remember one parent getting on him about something, don't remember what, and my father (who I take after in terms of sports behavior...) told the guy that he had forgotten more about baseball than that guy knew..My mom wasn't please about that interaction (nor a few others over the years..)

 

[sluggers]

Because there is definitely a Dynamic going on...
*Thinking about the player,
would like to open discussion.
is it good or bad for the player to be coached by a parent role?
do you see this as an added burden or obstacle for the player?
adds drama to teams?
better for daughter?
perhaps see it as a non-issue?

GOOD OR BAD?

Depends...when a parent coach is good, they are "good". On the other hand, when parent coaches are bad, they are AWFUL.

In my current gig as AC for a 6U team, the HC's DD leads off every game, and the DD decides where she is going to play. Seriously--she tells the HC where she is playing that inning, and the HC shifts everyone around to accommodate her. It's crazy. (Hmmm...I would pay good money to see @Rolling Hard if his DD did that...)

ADDED BURDEN

Depends upon the level of play. Obviously, in rec ball and low level TB, parents have to coach. There just aren't enough coaches to go around.

At higher levels, the real disadvantage for a child playing for parent coaches comes with PT (playing time).

In 30+ years of coaching, I've never seen a parent allow their child to compete for PT. The child gets a set number of innings, and that is it--it doesn't matter how good or bad she plays. Her performance on the field is disconnected from PT.

In college , PT is only about performance on the field and in practice. Many kids with parent coaches aren't ready for internal team competition for PT and they get crushed.

DRAMA

This is completely a function of the relationship between the coach and the DD. With a bad coach, the team revolves around the relationship. With a good coach, there is no drama.

The drama doesn't have anything to do with softball, per se. With a bad coach, the parent and the DD have a messed up relationship anyway, and it gets carried over to the team.

BETTER FOR DD

A good parent coach at low levels of play helps the DD--because the parent usually knows more about the game than 95% of the other coaches.

At higher levels of play, say 16U-A, it starts dragging on the DD. At some point, a parent has to let the DD be who she is and see if she can hold her own.

 

[Vertigo]

I coached my dd in some shape or form from LL up through 18U travel. The last 3 years were more in a supporting role as recruiting coordinator. I’ve also been an asst, head coach, and even put together my own team.

Through 14U, I think dd had it pretty tough. She knew I always expected more from her than I did from the other players. I also felt like I needed her to be the best at her position so I wouldn’t have to deal with the petty BS from the parents. I know she felt that pressure. It definitely put a strain on our relationship at times but I’ve got to admit, dd always treated me as a coach and not mom during practices and games. I truly appreciated that from her. She also was typically the first one to sit out innings - again, to avoid the BS.

Once she made the 18U team, I much more enjoyed either just watching her play or being the recruiting coordinator. I liked having the other coaches coach her and they did a much better job of it than I ever could with her at that level.

I did find that no matter how many seasons I just tried to sit on the sidelines and leave dd alone, the other coaches would suck me back in. I enjoyed coaching immensely, as I typically had great relationships with all of the players I coached. Seeing that lightbulb go off for the first time, finally getting that double-play down, or seeing a timid hitter finally get a nice hit was always exciting.

Later on it was just knowing that I somehow played a small role in helping a player achieve their dream of getting recruited that truly made everything come full circle. One of the greatest feelings is having a current or ex-player reach out to you just to say thanks for helping and coaching them. Running into those girls now and hearing them say, “Hey, Coach” brings a smile to my face. I always get as excited for them as I did for my own dd when she got recruited.

I think the one thing that others don’t get about being a parent-coach is the sacrifice you make. I missed so many of ds’ games when he played LL up through his freshman year of HS. Every weekend I was with DD’s team. I can’t explain how it tugs at my heart a little to know I missed so much of him growing up and playing ball.

 

[ANNASDAD]

I coached my dd in some shape or form from LL up through 18U travel. The last 3 years were more in a supporting role as recruiting coordinator. I’ve also been an asst, head coach, and even put together my own team.

Through 14U, I think dd had it pretty tough. She knew I always expected more from her than I did from the other players. I also felt like I needed her to be the best at her position so I wouldn’t have to deal with the petty BS from the parents. I know she felt that pressure. It definitely put a strain on our relationship at times but I’ve got to admit, dd always treated me as a coach and not mom during practices and games. I truly appreciated that from her. She also was typically the first one to sit out innings - again, to avoid the BS.

Once she made the 18U team, I much more enjoyed either just watching her play or being the recruiting coordinator. I liked having the other coaches coach her and they did a much better job of it than I ever could with her at that level.

I did find that no matter how many seasons I just tried to sit on the sidelines and leave dd alone, the other coaches would suck me back in. I enjoyed coaching immensely, as I typically had great relationships with all of the players I coached. Seeing that lightbulb go off for the first time, finally getting that double-play down, or seeing a timid hitter finally get a nice hit was always exciting.

Later on it was just knowing that I somehow played a small role in helping a player achieve their dream of getting recruited that truly made everything come full circle. One of the greatest feelings is having a current or ex-player reach out to you just to say thanks for helping and coaching them. Running into those girls now and hearing them say, “Hey, Coach” brings a smile to my face. I always get as excited for them as I did for my own dd when she got recruited.

I think the one thing that others don’t get about being a parent-coach is the sacrifice you make. I missed so many of ds’ games when he played LL up through his freshman year of HS. Every weekend I was with DD’s team. I can’t explain how it tugs at my heart a little to know I missed so much of him growing up and playing ball.

Great post Vertigo!! So many things you just wrote here, I could very much relate to!

 

[Rick M]

Currently an AC on DD’s 16U TB team. We’re solidly a B-level team, approaching A-level — mostly lose to the best teams in our area but have definitely narrowed the gap this fall.

Myself, other AC and HC are all dads and it’s a bit of a mixed bag. HC is definitely harder on his daughter than the rest of the team. But as Sluggers suggested, her spot in the lineup and on the field is assured, regardless of performance. Same with the other AC, but his kid is a stud and has no worries about competing for PT.

My daughter starts every game, but gets rotated when she plays OF, hits in the lower third of the lineup. There are times when I’ve felt she could be used differently, but I don’t want to take advantage of my position in the dugout to advocate for her. If she’s happy, I’m happy and she will tell the HC straight away if she doesn’t like something.

She previously played for a big org that had a bunch of former college coaches and players on staff. I know our coaches are not on their level, but our team is always competitive and the girls (who we assembled from an extended group of friends and former teammates) have a great time together.

As of now, three out of 13 are interested in playing in college. So our priority is mostly to stay sharp for HS ball, field a competitive team, and have fun.


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[LEsoftballdad]

This is an interesting question posed here by Rad. I have been a parent coach at the LL level and the lower travel ball level. Like many of you, I was forced into coaching due to a lack of other available bodies, so I volunteered to help out.

Here's how it went for me. I was one of the better LL coaches. I ran plenty of practices, volunteered a lot of my time, and made the girls better players. There were no financial issues with the families, so it went smoothly, and I always rotated players to any position they wanted to play. In general, my daughters loved playing for me in LL, and I think I had a positive impact on those young girls.

Travel was a different animal. I put together a 12U team in late 2016 that would play in the spring and summer of 2017. It was foolish of me to do so, but I did it because I didn't want my 2004 daughter playing with the other 12U team in the organization because the coach's daughter and another player were 2006 births. Also, the bulk of the rest of the girls were 2005 births, so I felt having my 2004 girls with the younger kids would be detrimental to her growth. The problem was the team I put together wasn't very good. Check that; we stunk. We had a winning percentage the equivalent of Bluto Blutarski's GPA in Animal House. The team started to fracture by the third local tournament, and by the end of the summer, we were done. Even after I brought in a college girl to run the team, it was still a disaster. My 2006 daughter, who had to play up with me due to no 10U team being in the organization, wound up being my best pitcher. Two of my other pitchers were daughters of two of my assistants, and one quit in the middle of a tournament, while the other caused the team more grief than anyone else combined.

After that disaster of a season, I never coached my younger daughter in travel again. I helped my older daughter's teams where I could, but I refused to take the coaching reigns again in TB. The softball divorce was the best thing I could do for our relationship. Now, like @pattar, I watch the games from 300' away. I don't interact with the other parents and families, not because I am being rude, but because I don't want any of the drama. In fact, at O'Fallon, IL this weekend, the parent in charge of GameChanger asked if I could help because he needed to leave early and the guy doing it was new at it. I politely declined. I don't want any part of it anymore.

Oddly enough, I would love to help my older daughter coach after she graduates from college

 

[Strike2]

Coached older DD from T-ball through 12U when she found other things to do. Coached younger DD all but one year, either as HC or AC, from 7-18U. Like Vertigo, whenever I tried to stand back, I got sucked back in. I'm fully grateful for that. Like LEsoftballdad, I look forward to the day where I might get to help younger DD with a team, because I'm betting she'll be coaching even before she has any kids.

 

[Chilixa]

I have coached LL and Travel, often because there weren’t a lot of options. I enjoy coaching even when my kid isn’t out there. But I do like that coaching allows me extra time around my girls. From what I have experienced and seen the better your kid is the easier it is to avoid the drama. When they are super talented no one questions why they are playing. I personally tend to be overly conscious about not playing daddy ball and bat my kids lower than then probably should and sit them at times when they should probably be playing.

I am getting to the point with my oldest that I would like to back away from coaching her soon. I coach on her 14u travel team and we get along fine. But I am getting to the point where all the girls need more technical teaching than I can provide. I am good at managing lineups and personalities but they are quickly passing my technical knowledge. I look forward to watching more as a fan and can actually focus more on just what my kid is doing sometimes.


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[_MIA_]

I look forward to watching more as a fan and can actually focus more on just what my kid is doing sometimes.

Bold isn't always what it's cracked up to be...