Players who play for their Parent who Coaches

[radness]

Parent coach, coach parent.
Daughter player, player daughter.

Being on the field
Combined with
DNA, heartstrings, and family roles.

Over the years seeing the interaction of the Family Duo of coaches and players
Have heard how they describe their dynamic, things like ~
• I don't take it easy on my kid they get treated the hardest.
• I try not to coach my own kid I let the assistant coach do that.
•Also hearing players say yeah he's my dad. They dont see coach, they see parent. Hard to draw a line of parent/coach.

Because there is definitely a Dynamic going on...
*Thinking about the player,
would like to open discussion.
is it good or bad for the player to be coached by a parent role?
do you see this as an added burden or obstacle for the player?
adds drama to teams?
better for daughter?
perhaps see it as a non-issue?

GO DFP
Bring on the feedback

 

[PJR202]

I coached my older one for one season and it was 2020, so it was canceled just before the first game. I didnt know enough as a coach to say much at that time though.

I've coached my 9th grader six times now. Some as HC and some AC. We do fine. For the most part she's the only one I yell at. I'll yell at all of them as a group, but I'm pretty tame even when I do it. She's a super sweet kid and works hard, but can get a little mouthy on occasion. I did pull her from a game for it once last season, and nearly did it a second time. I've also had to let her know a couple times that the banter we have at home is different than during softball. What we treat at home as jokes would cause a lack of respect for me among the team if she was making those comments. She understands that and is apologetic when she lets something slip.

I think that overall, we do really well. Probably beyond what most would consider a successful parent/child coaching situation.

But we work together a lot. I've heard many dads say (in various sports) working with their daughter outside of practice is like oil and water. "She wont listen to me," etc. We don't have that. She trusts my instruction and I work hard to make sure I'm telling her the right things.

 

[_MIA_]

If I coached my DD I am sure it would go swimmingly....

 

[uncdrew]

I've seen it go every way possible. From great to dysfunctional. Depends on the people.

I actually prefer parent coaches to non-parent coaches. I've found that parent coaches have more skin in the game, and are more dedicated to the team (on average). I've seen non-parent coaches cancel tournaments faster, try less hard to schedule things, bail at bad weather sooner, etc. Without a kid counting on them they just don't seem to do quite as much.

Of course there are exceptions to that. But on average, having watched 15 or so coaches, those are my observations. I've yet to see "daddy ball" on a team we've been on. I've certainly heard stories.

 

[radness]

I've seen it go every way possible. From great to dysfunctional. Depends on the people.

I actually prefer parent coaches to non-parent coaches. I've found that parent coaches have more skin in the game, and are more dedicated to the team (on average). I've seen non-parent coaches cancel tournaments faster, try less hard to schedule things, bail at bad weather sooner, etc. Without a kid counting on them they just don't seem to do quite as much.

Of course there are exceptions to that. But on average, having watched 15 or so coaches, those are my observations. I've yet to see "daddy ball" on a team we've been on. I've certainly heard stories.

Skin in the game, good point!

 

[radness]

If I coached my DD I am sure it would go swimmingly....

Haha!
You are so much in common with Muhammad Ali's verbal nagging style

 

[canyonjoe]

We've all seen some daddy ball happen, but overall I think it's harder for the kids whose parents coach. They often have to help load all the equipment and take back out after practices and game. They have to hand around until everyone leaves. Most coaches are a little harder on their kids.

 

[ANNASDAD]

I did it, it worked out well for us but honestly I'm enjoying coaching more now without my DD being in the mix.

 

[radness]

I did it, it worked out well for us but honestly I'm enjoying coaching more now without my DD being in the mix.

Glad it worked out well. Enjoying coaching more without dd in the mix,
How so?

 

[FP26]

I coached my daughter in three sports; basketball, soccer, and softball. In softball, I coached at several levels; rec ball, travel ball, and dabbled at high school. Every experience was slightly different. While I cannot speak for her, the experience for me was overwhelmingly positive. I enjoyed coaching not only her but her teammates. That said, there were some challenges along the way.

- Soccer -- The rec league commissioner called me and stated that without more coaches they were going to need to turn kids away. I didn't want to see that happen but informed him that I knew virtually nothing about soccer. Luckily for me, at that age group, each team had 6 players on the field. So I taught our team how to play hockey without the ice and without the physicality... I then started reading about the sport and watching videos. I believe I was a serviceable youth coach... at best.

- Basketball -- My biggest challenge came during her 7th grade year. She previously played CYO (Catholic Youth Organization) which had boys and girls teams. By 7th grade that opportunity ended. The local rec team had openings, but it was a co-ed league. I coached co-ed at younger levels, but coaching it with 7th graders was, let's just say interesting. Ultimately I think it worked out well. We took the group that others considered to be the misfits and was able to make the playoffs, ultimately losing by 2 points to the team that won the championship that year. Again, I was asked to coach due to a lack of volunteers.

- Softball -- I really have nothing negative to say about the youth or travel experience. High school ball was filled with drama. When DD was a freshman they had a rookie head coach. She was a former college player, and had a great relationship with the players. Her knowledge of the sport was not the greatest. A friend of hers suggested that she contact me and utilize me as an advisor, which I gladly did. Prior to DD's sophomore year, the coach asked me to join as an assistant coach. Huge mistake... While I entered the role with the confidence that comes with coaching rec and travel ball for several years, I was not prepared for the drama. Other parents started claiming that DD was only playing because "her dad is one of the coaches". The fact that she played rec and travel ball for 8 years straight while some of their daughters did not touch a softball for at least 5 years (some never played organized softball until the high school level) apparently didn't matter. It created a very uncomfortable situation for DD. I had committed for the season, so I stuck it out. I slowly removed myself from team events and resigned immediately following the final game of that year. I was asked to handle the book the following year, but did that from outside the dugout. I realize this will vary from region to region, but high school softball was painful for both myself and DD.

While I think this topic makes for a good conversation, the truth is that youth sports would not survive without parent coaches. At least not in my area. All of the rec leagues in our area are filled with parent coaches. Honestly, I cannot think of any that are not parents. Most of the travel ball teams are the same way. Some parents even work their way into the high school and junior high teams. In my area I would estimate that at least 80% of coaches are parents with a child on the team. If not for that, many of those teams would not exist.