How do you handle another parent trashing your DD?

[radness]

After pool play yesterday, Q pulls the coaches -- and me -- over. He's got his wife and daughter with him. and proceeds to throw out lots of insults, mostly directed at my DD. Called my DD a "shitshow" multiple times,






said none of us knew what we had in his daughter. That she should start every game and pitch every pitch. Coach tried to tell him that she was saving her arm. He said you don't need to save a girl's arm in fastpitch. But mostly he just attacked my daughter and me, saying I was in the coach's ear about her playing time. Again, same number of starts, same number of innings. I didn't say anything back because his daughter was right there, and I don't want to point out a girl's faults in front of her. So I just let him rant for a few minutes. Since I'm the scorekeeper, I pulled out my phone and said let's look at the stats. He said he didn't want to hear stats, just that his daughter was better and mine didn't know what she was doing. I lost my cool a bit then. Started walking towards him and he just backed up. This went on for a while. Until he finally walked away.

My question is, was I wrong not to punch him? I spent all night thinking that I should have at least hit him for the crap he said about my daughter. Should I have just started throwing out stats, told his daughter and him that both pitchers were plenty identical and not bothered with the girl's feelings? We've only got one tourney left, and the organization has banned him from it, but I feel as though I let my manhood be challenged and didn't hit a guy who deserved it.

The coach allowing that is at fault.
*immediate healthy standards should/could have been implemented.

Can blame obnoxious all ya want,
If its allowed well what ya gonna do now.
Dont punch obnoxious...
Kick Some Standards out of the Coach

Who Allowed garbage, and garbage showed up...

 

[whiporee]

One thing to remember is that we've only got one tourney left. I think had this happened earlier in the season coach would have asked her to leave, but with just the one remaining I doing that opens the whole organizational issue because he would have then gone after the organization for fees and such. Because he's that guy.

If this team stays around next year -- hard to imagine the summer before they all leave for college, but you never know with teenage girls -- I'm sure she won't be part of it. But the reason coach hasn't removed her is because there's not much time left in the year.

On a tangent, how do organizations handle it when a coach wants to get rid of a player? Do they need organizational approval in most cases? Or does the coach usually have carte blanche to remove whoever they want for whatever reason?

 

[FP26]

One thing to remember is that we've only got one tourney left. I think had this happened earlier in the season coach would have asked her to leave, but with just the one remaining I doing that opens the whole organizational issue because he would have then gone after the organization for fees and such. Because he's that guy.

If this team stays around next year -- hard to imagine the summer before they all leave for college, but you never know with teenage girls -- I'm sure she won't be part of it. But the reason coach hasn't removed her is because there's not much time left in the year.

On a tangent, how do organizations handle it when a coach wants to get rid of a player? Do they need organizational approval in most cases? Or does the coach usually have carte blanche to remove whoever they want for whatever reason?

I coached for two separate organizations. In either case, the coach would have the ability to remove a player if they believe it was necessary. I was never in a position that I had to remove a player, but if I did, I would have made sure that the org leadership was fully aware of the situation. Always good to be on the same page...

NOTE: We would often ask players to guest for our team before we ever offered them a spot. Over the years there were a couple of players that we never invited back, mostly because of how their parents acted.

 

[radness]

One thing to remember is that we've only got one tourney left. I think had this happened earlier in the season coach would have asked her to leave, but with just the one remaining I doing that opens the whole organizational issue because he would have then gone after the organization for fees and such. Because he's that guy.

If this team stays around next year -- hard to imagine the summer before they all leave for college, but you never know with teenage girls -- I'm sure she won't be part of it. But the reason coach hasn't removed her is because there's not much time left in the year.

On a tangent, how do organizations handle it when a coach wants to get rid of a player? Do they need organizational approval in most cases? Or does the coach usually have carte blanche to remove whoever they want for whatever reason?

Have a Great Tournament!

Let that situation serve as an observation for future decisions.

As to org's or coaches dropping players or allowing it vs controlling it.
its a roll of the dice...
Weird things happen

 

[The Man In Blue]

@whiporee with one tournament left it was the perfect time to shut that down. Who cares if he "would go after the organization for fees." That's not a question, that's a statement. Even if he did file a suit (because people like that often have more dollars than sense), do you know what he would collect? ZIPPO. His daughter played out the bulk of the season and opted to miss multiple events. Jackholes like that NEED to be stopped. Do you know what happens when everybody caves when a threat like that is made? You create a monster. Need proof, look at 2016-2020.

I have been threatened to be sued so many times by people who have had that work for them in their lives. I've been threated for calls I make on the field, for not allowing players to use illegal equipment, and for any other crazy crap you can think of.

Many years ago I ran video stores, and I had a lady threaten to sue me for making her pay ON her late fees (not even pay the whole thing). She actually had her scumball personal injury lawyer (yes, he represented her in several bogus PI suits because he made money from people who cave) write me a letter. I framed it and posted it at the counter (with her info blacked out). Guess who got sued? Nobody, because it is a baseless and meritless claim. It did entertain my other customers though.

MESSAGE TO THOSE OF YOU RUNNING TEAMS OR ORGANIZATIONS: I would seriously urge you to consider formalizing your business. Have written policies and procedures governing how your business operates. Implement contracts for the families participating in your programs -- not a "parent contract" or a "behavior/sportsmanship clause" ... an actual contract. It should spell out financial obligations (for you and the family) and refund policies, attendance and behavior expectations AND CONSEQUENCES, and termination clauses. These things will help protect you from baseless threats and claims, or, if it gets that bad, in a lawsuit. If you need help getting started, PM me.

 

[Greg Tudor]

Our 16U B team has two pitchers. They are statiscally even -- same number of runs given up, same number of walks, one has more strikouts, the otehr more ground outs. Run and defensive support for one of them is twice what it is for the other, so that pitcher has two more wins on the year. A couple of other statistical things out there, but for all intents and purposes, they are equal. They aren't great, they aren't terrible. Middle of the road B pitchers.

One of them is my DD. The other is Q's daughter. My Dd is the one that doesn't get the run support, and the team averages twice as many errors -- mostly because DD gets batters to hit grounders that don't always get feilded right. Partof being a B team. Q's daughter strikes out more, but she also gets hit more often. In the end it all balances out, like I said, nearly the same totals in runs given up and batters faced per inning pitched. There's your background.

After pool play yesterday, Q pulls the coaches -- and me -- over. He's got his wife and daughter with him. and proceeds to throw out lots of insults, mostly directed at my DD. Called my DD a "shitshow" multiple times, said none of us knew what we had in his daughter. That she should start every game and pitch every pitch. Coach tried to tell him that she was saving her arm. He said you don't need to save a girl's arm in fastpitch. But mostly he just attacked my daughter and me, saying I was in the coach's ear about her playing time. Again, same number of starts, same number of innings. I didn't say anything back because his daughter was right there, and I don't want to point out a girl's faults in front of her. So I just let him rant for a few minutes. Since I'm the scorekeeper, I pulled out my phone and said let's look at the stats. He said he didn't want to hear stats, just that his daughter was better and mine didn't know what she was doing. I lost my cool a bit then. Started walking towards him and he just backed up. This went on for a while. Until he finally walked away.

My question is, was I wrong not to punch him? I spent all night thinking that I should have at least hit him for the crap he said about my daughter. Should I have just started throwing out stats, told his daughter and him that both pitchers were plenty identical and not bothered with the girl's feelings? We've only got one tourney left, and the organization has banned him from it, but I feel as though I let my manhood be challenged and didn't hit a guy who deserved it.

Parents have to remember OUR ACTIONS could have really bad ending results specially if your daughter plans on playing in High School or even higher cause all it would take for the right coach or personal be at the game and see your punch or even arguing with said coach the only thing u can do is kill said coach with kindness trust me I can go full out true blue hillbilly on someone but the only one it’s hurting is our daughters and could u handle know that she didn’t get a chance at playing at a higher level just because of your actions


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[PDM]

I have never been in your position, but I have been in the coach's position many times, although maybe not where the parent really bashed another child. I would have gotten you out of there right from the start because it really didn't concern you and it might have led to the punch that you considered. Even though he was talking about your daughter in a derogatory manner, this was about his daughter getting more playing time. It was a failure on the coach's part to allow you to be there. Punching another parent would just have gotten you thrown out of the facility and probably permanently banned. That moment of satisfaction is not worth that outcome. My guess is that in the end your daughter will get to pitch every game because this parent will shop for a new team where his daughter (and he) will get the special treatment that he thinks they deserve.

 

[Greg Tudor]

I coached for two separate organizations. In either case, the coach would have the ability to remove a player if they believe it was necessary. I was never in a position that I had to remove a player, but if I did, I would have made sure that the org leadership was fully aware of the situation. Always good to be on the same page...

NOTE: We would often ask players to guest for our team before we ever offered them a spot. Over the years there were a couple of players that we never invited back, mostly because of how their parents acted.

Are coach actually talked the Org out of throwing a girl completely out of the Org because it was all her parent fault cause they just showed up at the facility and wanted to do some hitting but it was full and the parent got all bent and cussed out several members but the coach kept the girl in the team


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[Greg Tudor]

Typical bucket dad behavior. Surprised you haven't run into this many more times before.
DD has played high-level travel since 10U, and there has always been some level of strife, jealousy, or animosity between the pitcher's parents and/or coaches. One of the pitcher's parents always seems to be a "coach", so that always heightens the tension.

I'm usually pretty reserved, but one thing that absolutely sets me off is when a grown adult says anything derogatory about a "kid". It takes quite a man to talk trash about a 16-year-old girl. That crap can't be allowed to happen. While I agree that a sucker punch is not the answer there, I would certainly have stopped his insults and gave him a warning to not continue.

The coach needed to squash his behavior right then and there! I don't know why the dad felt the need to directly include you in that conversation, but since he did, the coach should have pulled the three of you aside and then told everyone "the way it is" without the kids present. And if I was the coach, I would not be happy with her skipping a tourney to sub with someone else. To me, she quit the team when she did that.

Question for you . My daughter subbed for a team once and missed her own teams practice but the thing is the coach never had a practice scheduled until the day before the tournament that my daughter subbed in and we both felt bad about missing our team practice but I also feel he shouldn’t wait til the last minute to schedule a practice


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[Strike2]

Question for you . My daughter subbed for a team once and missed her own teams practice but the thing is the coach never had a practice scheduled until the day before the tournament that my daughter subbed in and we both felt bad about missing our team practice but I also feel he shouldn’t wait til the last minute to schedule a practice

Reason is on your side here, but some coaches don't plan well, and then can be unreasonable. A phone call explaining the situation is the right move, but you still might have to make a choice.