How do you handle another parent trashing your DD?

[gdc03120]

...The reason guys keep doing shirt like this is because people keep taking the high road. He knew he could talk shirt about my daughter because he knew he wasn't going to get beat up for it -- he knew there'd be no real consequences.

And if the HC had any cajones himself, he would offer to let your DD start at least the next two games (if not more) to prove a point and drive home some kind of message to Q's dad. The fact that he would even allow this kind of meeting to take place AND to let the ranting and insulting go on for as long as it did is ridiculous and violates any sort of morality a coach should have. If Q's dad has a problem with it, I'm sure she'd fit in well in some other travel team if she's that good according to him.

 

[Bonesaw]

I think you handled it pretty well. Not worth beating yourself up over.

 

[flash277]

Well, if it was me, I would of stepped up to him and said "If you say another word about my daughter, we are going to start fighting, so choose your words wisely" And if he indeed said another word about my daughter, well, I'd start fighting, gotta back up what you say.
With that said, you did the right thing about not punching his lights out, I wouldn't do that either without the above warning.

So, how did the coach handle this whole thing?

 

[whiporee]

The coach, while she's a pal and has been a real good coach, is a 29-year-old 5-foot-1 woman. She was mostly defending herself and her actions -- explaining why Q's DD wasn't starting tournaments (the game starts were the same) and trying to explain her reasoning about Q's DD missing practices and that they skipped our last tourney so he could guest her somewhere else. But she was on the defensive the whole time. The other assistant is mid 30s, a little insecure and he was being attacked. Me, I'm 54, 6-1, quite heavy and spend the summer cutting down trees. I'm not a tough guy, but you gotta think about it before you come after me.

We got rained out the rest of this tourney, and next week's got cancelled (which is kind of good, because it gives some of our girls -- including DD -- to pick up for Sparkler). Coach's spouse, the assistant and I were pretty strong in saying that they've got to go -- if it means we have to lose Q's DD to lose Q, then so be it -- but coach is loyal to her players. The org has banned him from the last tourney and my guess is that will make him pull her, too. Which is fine -- we've got guest players who want to play with us. We've got a great reputation as a fun bunch of girls who are welcoming. Whenever we have guests they love playing for us. We still stink, but the culture's not bad.

We knew this about him when we signed his daughter. He's had this rep for years. But he had mostly behaved himself this year. If I'm betting, I think the whole thing is to get her to kick them off so he has a recourse to go after the org for his fees. But i can't prove that. I' have been crashing stats all day, though, just in case I need them again.

 

[CoachJD]

I understand what everyone is saying, and I'm sure that I was right in not hitting him.

But the thing is, the reason guys keep doing shirt like this is because people keep taking the high road. He knew he could talk shirt about my daughter because he knew he wasn't going to get beat up for it -- he knew there'd be no real consequences. it's why he had his daughter and wife there, because he knew that no one was going to insult her while she stood there, and it gave him the freedom to say whatever he wanted.

I think the reason there's more bullying from everyone these days is we've gotten away from the adage we grew up with -- the best way to stop a bully is to hit him/her in the mouth.

I get it. I do. But you said the org banned him from the final tourney, so it wasn't no consequences.

This is 16U. Does this guy have a reputation for bad behavior? Do they bounce around teams because of it? At some point, he's going to run out of teams for his daughter to play on, though it appears that might happen just as she's about to be done playing anyway.

Here's the thing: If you punch him in the face, he doesn't learn his lesson. He plays the victim. And in the end, he'd probably win (you get arrested, he wins lawsuits, etc.). And he'd do the same stuff in the future because people like this don't learn lessons from consequences to their bad behavior. He'd just go online and complain about how cancel culture came for him.

 

[gdc03120]

He'd just go online and complain about how cancel culture came for him.

UGH. Even the Democrat in me is getting sick and tired of hearing about this crap. It's the 2021 version of "social distancing" in terms of "phrases I'd be happy never to hear again."

 

[_MIA_]

Plus..when is the last time you threw a punch? Don’t want your NBA style punch on video

 

[ang2bmd]

What a douche. Who in their right mind brings their child into an adult conversation especially one that is so unbelievably inappropriate. Even if he wanted to have this conversation with the coach...why would he have it in front of you. Unbelievable. People like that are cancer to a team I hope you are able to shed him. We have rarely approached coaches in our daughters career but when we have its always been a what can she or we when she was younger do to help her improve to whatever level she wanted to be. In this case the answer would be nothing dad because it not healthy and irresponsible of me as a coach to throw your kids arm until its dead. Glad you didn't punch him. Definitely not worth the bruised hand

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

 

[radness]

Right when he/coach didnt want to see the stats the conversation ended.

"Hey coach, since you are obviously just being a negetive berating jerk, and not being a coach right now,
i'm going to walk away."

@whiporee~ Your intergrity can stay intact...and did.
Support your much better judgement in that situation.
Will add this,
(you dont need to stand there thinking is your tail between your legs)
No its not!
Its backbone standing tall!
Next time can take an even better position and not tolerate listening to trash talk and step away to enjoy HEALTHY STANDARDS!

 

[_MIA_]

30+ years ago I was pitching a game and my Dad was in the stands. Apparently some fan from the other team was giving me crap the whole game and my father final told him to knock it off. The guy didn't so after the game we were walking back to the car and the guy was still yapping (I am not sure if he was drunk or what his deal was) so my father tells me to hold his glasses and he goes up to him to tell him shut it one more time or else it is going to come to blows..he didn't shut it and my father knocked him on his rear. The next day my father pulls me aside (I was maybe 13 or 14) and tells me he was wrong for doing that and his anger got the best of him and he should have just walked way..he felt really bad about it Those sorts of things always feel right in the moment but 9 out of 10 times you regret it afterwards (unless you are physically defending yourself or your family..then all bets are off)

Also kind of weird that my father was actually younger than I am now when that happened..where has the time gone...