How do you handle another parent trashing your DD?

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May 27, 2013
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Here was our experience with our former org’s guesting within and moving up to the gold team:

We had a great 1st year 14U season which our 18U “Gold” coach took notice of. She then asked our 14U HC who he could see playing for the gold team the following season. She had mentioned my dd as one of the players, and he got ticked off and told her my dd, nor any of his other players, could play on her team (he wanted to keep the 14U team together and have them move up together). Once we had learned of that, we moved on. An organization should be developing their own talent to feed their gold (or highest level) team, not hold back players who are ready to make the move.

His dd was not mentioned in that conversation, so I imagine that’s where a lot of the issues stemmed from. He never made us aware of any chances to guest with the gold team, but his dd did. Huh….
 
Our 16U B team has two pitchers. They are statiscally even -- same number of runs given up, same number of walks, one has more strikouts, the otehr more ground outs. Run and defensive support for one of them is twice what it is for the other, so that pitcher has two more wins on the year. A couple of other statistical things out there, but for all intents and purposes, they are equal. They aren't great, they aren't terrible. Middle of the road B pitchers.

One of them is my DD. The other is Q's daughter. My Dd is the one that doesn't get the run support, and the team averages twice as many errors -- mostly because DD gets batters to hit grounders that don't always get feilded right. Partof being a B team. Q's daughter strikes out more, but she also gets hit more often. In the end it all balances out, like I said, nearly the same totals in runs given up and batters faced per inning pitched. There's your background.

After pool play yesterday, Q pulls the coaches -- and me -- over. He's got his wife and daughter with him. and proceeds to throw out lots of insults, mostly directed at my DD. Called my DD a "shitshow" multiple times, said none of us knew what we had in his daughter. That she should start every game and pitch every pitch. Coach tried to tell him that she was saving her arm. He said you don't need to save a girl's arm in fastpitch. But mostly he just attacked my daughter and me, saying I was in the coach's ear about her playing time. Again, same number of starts, same number of innings. I didn't say anything back because his daughter was right there, and I don't want to point out a girl's faults in front of her. So I just let him rant for a few minutes. Since I'm the scorekeeper, I pulled out my phone and said let's look at the stats. He said he didn't want to hear stats, just that his daughter was better and mine didn't know what she was doing. I lost my cool a bit then. Started walking towards him and he just backed up. This went on for a while. Until he finally walked away.

My question is, was I wrong not to punch him? I spent all night thinking that I should have at least hit him for the crap he said about my daughter. Should I have just started throwing out stats, told his daughter and him that both pitchers were plenty identical and not bothered with the girl's feelings? We've only got one tourney left, and the organization has banned him from it, but I feel as though I let my manhood be challenged and didn't hit a guy who deserved it.
If you want players to keep their cool then that’s what needs to be modeled. As hard as it was, I think you did the right thing. Slugging him would have escalated the situation & could have landed you in jail. Also, engaging him at the same level by slamming his daughter would have violated your own sense of integrity & harmed this kid whose bully of a parent was out of control. Too bad the coaches didn’t step up & insist that any concerns be discussed in private at a later time when a constructive conversation might be possible. Offering a specific later date to talk & then walking away would have given a message that feedback & discussion should be confined to an appropriate time & place. Of course, that’s easier said than done, but worth attempting in my experience.
 
Feb 20, 2020
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So here's a caveat to that story -- he's now forming his own team for his younger daughter. Starting a 14U team, posting tryouts all over Facebook. I've been tempted to see whoever responds to his posts and send them a private message about the guy, but I haven't.

Our season ended this weekend, and it made me lose a lot of affection for our coach, to be honest. She played the guy's daughter in every game since it happened, and started her twice over mine. I don't think it was malicious, just reactionary. But at the tourney we were at this weekend, our catcher (DD's step daughter) was adamant about not catching Q's daughter. Said she's been trashing the team and insulting her teammates, and did not want to be a part of rewarding her -- we didn't even know they were coming until they showed up in podunk Colorado because Q's other DD's tourney was cancelled -- but she was our only catcher for this tourney, so she gave it a shot, but it ended up in a second-inning, seven-run meltdown when the catcher told the coach Q's DD should be pulled -- she'd thrown ball on eight of the previous nine pitches and was struggling. The coach refused, and a lot of parent-daughter stuff blew up for all the world to see.

So, I think the final moral of this is that if you have a culture where any of that stuff is tolerated at all, you can expect it to get you in the end. Glad the year is over.
 
Jun 19, 2016
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Trash talk should be ignored to the greatest extent possible. Tell your daughter to use it as fuel to get better. It isn't going to go away...so turn lemons into lemonade.
 
Feb 24, 2022
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I had an experience this weekend where a fly ball was hit to our outfield and a parent from the other team clearly yelled "Drop it!" multiple times when the ball was in the air. This is 12U. I was in the outfield and walking back to the side of the field and made a point to confront them. Nothing over the top, just said, "Really, yelling "drop it" to a 12 year old girl? Not a good look." Nothing gets me madder than yelling at young girls. Cheer for your team, don't say anything about the other team.
 
Dec 2, 2013
3,410
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Texas
I had an experience this weekend where a fly ball was hit to our outfield and a parent from the other team clearly yelled "Drop it!" multiple times when the ball was in the air. This is 12U. I was in the outfield and walking back to the side of the field and made a point to confront them. Nothing over the top, just said, "Really, yelling "drop it" to a 12 year old girl? Not a good look." Nothing gets me madder than yelling at young girls. Cheer for your team, don't say anything about the other team.
Good for you. I talk to the ball not the player. Fall, go, get foul, etc.
 
Oct 10, 2018
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How do you handle another parent trashing your DD?​


Easy, right hook. People are way too comfortable talking crap these days and not getting a punch in the nose for it.
Seriously, I wouldn't hit anyone but you bet your butt I'd say something-and that something might just be gutter level. Don't talk about my DD.
 

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