How do you handle another parent trashing your DD?

Welcome to Discuss Fastpitch

Your FREE Account is waiting to the Best Softball Community on the Web.

Strike2

Allergic to BS
Nov 14, 2014
2,044
113
I disagree with this for two reasons:

1) What if the coach is able to secure a last-minute tourney slot, but then the team can't accept because of key players guesting on other teams and not telling the coach? Can you imagine the conversation like: "Yes, we agreed weeks ago to sub on another team, but we didn't think you had any reason to know."

2) Imagine a pitcher subbing with a different org, then knocks teams from your org out of the tournament? We had that exact thing happen when DD was playing 12U. DD and two teammates subbed with a lower level team, and ended up knocking a team from our parent org out in the semi-finals. "Our" pitcher was the winning pitcher in that game, beating our org team. That caused a massive "poop storm" between the coaches and parents at the game, and after the fact as well. The next week, the org president passed a rule that you can only sub with teams within our org, and if those opportunities don't exist, then he has to personally approve them.

An unusual situation. Guesting arrangements that I've seen are typically made days, or even hours, in advance...not WEEKS.

Regardless, getting notice of a last-minute tourney slot is MUCH different than a last-minute practice. When I've agreed to guest my kid more than a day or two in advance, I've done it with the provision that if her team scheduled a tournament, the guesting agreement would be void. Not a hard situation to avoid for a player who is committed to her team first rather than random playing opportunities. I'd still not allow a coach to have the final say as to whether she played on a particular weekend.
 

Strike2

Allergic to BS
Nov 14, 2014
2,044
113
I remember a player picking up for a team in a relatively local tournament. Her team was off that particular weekend, so you wouldn't think it would be an issue. However, her coach was never informed about this. Then her coach actually showed up at the tournament in order to scout some other teams. Imagine his surprise when he noticed his player playing for one of the teams he was scouting. My understanding is that him and the player's dad had a rather lengthy conversation afterwards...

That exact thing happened to me a few years ago. I didn't have a problem with the picking up, it was the surprise that bugged me. Conversation wasn't very long.
 
Oct 4, 2018
4,611
113
The only "unwritten rule" that I've ever heard of regarding this is that it's good practice to inform the coach when you're guesting. That keeps everyone in the loop about what's going on and prevents surprises and hurt feelings. The coach has no say in terms of "permission".

I suppose, but you might find your DD on the bench if they ask you not to guest play and you do anyway.
 
Feb 1, 2021
273
43
Hmm, I'm a good team parent and want to do the right thing, but I'm pretty adamant that my kid does what's best for herself and what she is motivated to do. If she was free and a coach asked her to play, I would let her play unless her current coach ASKED her not to for a valid reason. If he just said, 'we don't let our kids sub', then she would sub with my support. That's not a valid reason.
 
Apr 20, 2018
4,581
113
SoCal
I getting in his face and when the time is right I am going to head butt this beeatch with the crown of my head on the bridge of his nose and kick him in the groin for good measure.
 
Nov 20, 2020
995
93
SW Missouri
Hmm, I'm a good team parent and want to do the right thing, but I'm pretty adamant that my kid does what's best for herself and what she is motivated to do. If she was free and a coach asked her to play, I would let her play unless her current coach ASKED her not to for a valid reason. If he just said, 'we don't let our kids sub', then she would sub with my support. That's not a valid reason.

I would hope that if a coach says no subbing they include the why. For me….it’s minimizing risk of injury/overuse. Especially for pitchers or catchers.

But on the other hand if you’re a parent of a #3 pitcher….you have to find circle time somehow. Subbing is a great way to get free reps.
 
May 29, 2015
3,731
113
The next week, the org president passed a rule that you can only sub with teams within our org, and if those opportunities don't exist, then he has to personally approve them.

I find this to be equally problematic, particularly if you are running an entire organization. Again people, have your policies and procedures spelled out ahead of time, not random declarations by one person in reaction to somebody getting their feelings hurt.
 
May 27, 2013
2,353
113
I appreciated our one coach who told our players that if we had the weekend off, to guest play if they wanted to.

Unless the coach is covering our fees, I felt my dd was free to guest when we were not practicing or playing. I, as a head coach, allowed it, as well.

ETA: The benefits my dd gained from guesting with other teams paid off in the long run.
 

Strike2

Allergic to BS
Nov 14, 2014
2,044
113
I suppose, but you might find your DD on the bench if they ask you not to guest play and you do anyway.

Never happened, and I've been a HC or AC for nearly my entire time with FP softball, but such a request from a coach would have triggered a conversation right then and there. If your kid is good enough to be asked by other teams to play, they're probably good enough to find another team without much problem.
 
May 29, 2019
269
63
I find this to be equally problematic, particularly if you are running an entire organization. Again people, have your policies and procedures spelled out ahead of time, not random declarations by one person in reaction to somebody getting their feelings hurt.
I understand the org's position though. I'd be rather ticked off if I'm coaching a team that got knocked out of a qualifier tournament by a pitcher from our own org, especially if she could have been subbing with my team instead. Also, there are org's that absolutely hate each other, so I could also see not wanting any of my kids subbing with them. However, the instance I stated earlier was the only time I remember an issue arising within our org. We hosted guest players quite frequently and played with other teams as well. That's how we always knew what the roster was looking like for the next season, by who was guest playing with us this season. :ROFLMAO:
 

Latest posts

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
42,830
Messages
679,468
Members
21,443
Latest member
sstop28
Top