The underlying issue could be

[RADcatchers]

Influence and making a decision are two different things!

I'm with @cvsoftball . You are correct about that role, Rad, but a good coach (and a good teacher) will help that player realistically appraise their role and identity as a player and, more importantly, as a person.

Have been involved in mentoring players for multiple decades. Have seen it . I understand that point. Again never said coaches couldn't influence a situation.

To that coaching influence topic, a few examples people encounter all the time~ There are *many *scenarios people complain about bad coaches. That influence of the coach could truly be split between good and bad. Generally people who are coaching are not family counselors with skill sets towards counseling families and their children. From that, many coaches/other people's parents, don't have the communication skills or wherewithal to understand situations that are going on with kids. Particularly other people's kids.
Also there are people that will want the kids parent to handle it. Because it is someone else's kid.
Then add there are some people/parent/coaches who will handle things completely opposite of how a family would have wanted it handled for themselves. AKA creates more conflict.
Then of course, parent goggles, where it really takes somebody else to point out to the parent hey there's an issue. That can be from a coach, anybody else, or Santa.



Find it is peculiar to read people skip the point of connecting with the fact parents are the primary adult for these children!
( what happened to the word parent?) After all,
it is their kid, their money, and their time what they do with their children.
That is why I said they/parent/family make the *decision.

 

[Rolling Hard]

I'm with @cvsoftball . You are correct about that role, Rad, but a good coach (and a good teacher) will help that player realistically appraise their role and identity as a player and, more importantly, as a person. They can help you reach that cold, harsh reality (this may not be for you), but do it in a productive manner. They don't just run kids off, they help them find where they belong.

I have just spent the first three days of school beating my students over the head.

In my Advanced and Honors classes, I began with "Please check your schedule. If it does NOT say 'Mr. TMIB, room number 337, Advanced/Honors English', then you are in the wrong place. Now, please check your schedule. If it DOES say 'Mr. TMIB, room number 337, Advanced/Honors English', you need to ask yourself if you are in the right place."

I am taking over yearbook this year. They were greeted with "If you signed up for a class to get an elective credit, you are in the wrong place. If you signed up for a job you will learn from, you are in the right place."

I tell them that I had an almost 80% fail rate in my freshmen classes last year, so it does not bother me to give them a failing grade if they are failing themselves.

I do not claim to be a good teacher. My goal was to scare them off, but to do so in an honest and open manner that makes them reflect on how they will succeed.

We had our first staff meeting today. I was told kids are submitting schedule changes for my classes left, right, and sideways . . . but they are submitting the requests to transfer INTO my classes.

People appreciate reality. Even if it is in cold, hard doses at times.

80% failure rate in freshman class? I don't think the school administration would be too happy about that.

 

[RADcatchers]

In my Advanced and Honors classes, I began with

Yes can imagine there would be more direct emphasized verbage with a group like that.

Definitely not all classrooms would handle that.

 

[chinamigarden]

The player may not want to continue playing softball.
___________________
What is that disappointment face all about?
You say you want to play softball but it seems like your performance is lacking? Your face and body language looks like you don't want to be there.
What then?

Could be,
Kids stuffing inside what they are thinking.
Aka- they're not talking about it.
Still can see
Body language
And
Performance results
>>> Which May tell the real story.

Perhaps parents just see their child as being emotional, perhaps they think they'll grow out of it.
While sometimes there is growing through those emotions.
Sometimes it's something more.

If the face and body language continue exhibiting what looks like not positive attributes. Think there is a discussion to be had.

DFP ~ Q & A
How long to wait to address this?

Once parent/child conversation gets implemented, how many weeks months or years do you continue with that situation?

I’ve told this story here before.
My dd was (is) a very good multi sport athlete. Her freshman year of high school she was playing volleyball in the fall. Her normal demeanor was off during games. Not happy, less effort, crying after bad plays or games. Really not like herself. We thought maybe it’s just growth or hormone thing. She never complained to us. Finally she said “I’m thirsty all the time, I can’t get enough water” so we made a doctor appointment.

As we feared her blood sugar levels were way high. As in her doc’s reader just said high. Couldn’t register the number. From there we went to the ER. They did her blood and she registered over 900. They sent her via ambulance to aniyer hospital who had a ped icu where she spent 3 nights.

Long story short she was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. She actually lost weight in the previous month or so. People associate diabetes with inactivity or high weight. Not type 1 it can hit anytime or any age. She was 106 lbs when she was diagnosed.

After a few bumps along the way she was able to regulate her blood sugar via insulin. She wound up playing JV basketball and earning her varsity letter in softball that year. Eventually starting all 3 sports on the varsity team. So if your dd is acting different (more or less emotional) for her. It could be something medical. Ask her how she feels.

So my dd is now 27, has a steady A1C, has a great job, just bought her first house and set a new PR in deadlift. All while trying to figure out how to hit slow pitch softball for recreation.

 

[The Man In Blue]

80% failure rate in freshman class? I don't think the school administration would be too happy about that.

Trust me, I was concerned about the same thing. I ASKED admins to meet with me regularly to review what was happening. All of them approved: the students last year simply would not do any work. They thought it was like the COVID years and middle school where they would just be passed along. I was adamantly told NOT to change my expectations.

This year they moved me up to sophomore English to teach three sections . . . many of those are the same kids who failed in my freshmen class last year. Admin is making a point to them. We are holding them accountable.

 

[The Man In Blue]

I’ve told this story here before.

So my dd is now 27, has a steady A1C, has a great job, just bought her first house and set a new PR in deadlift. All while trying to figure out how to hit slow pitch softball for recreation.

I guess I had missed that story before! My youngest has T1D. Like you said, most people don't realize Type 1 is auto-immune disorder (not "fat lazy kids").

 

[CoachJD]

Find it is peculiar to read people skip the point of connecting with the fact parents are the primary adult for these children!

I have dealt with so many kids for whom the "primary adult" might legally be a parent (or a grandparent, aunt/uncle, etc.), but the actual "primary adult" in just about every other way that matters is not that parent.

In those cases, there's really no point in talking to the parents. They're not interested in how their kid's emotional state is affecting their on-field performance or whatever. They just want to ensure that the kid's commitment to a sport isn't going to inconvenience them in any way ever.

 

[CoachJD]

In my Advanced and Honors classes, I began with "Please check your schedule. If it does NOT say 'Mr. TMIB, room number 337, Advanced/Honors English', then you are in the wrong place. Now, please check your schedule. If it DOES say 'Mr. TMIB, room number 337, Advanced/Honors English', you need to ask yourself if you are in the right place."

I am taking over yearbook this year. They were greeted with "If you signed up for a class to get an elective credit, you are in the wrong place. If you signed up for a job you will learn from, you are in the right place."

While I'm never truly trying to scare people off, I hold a mandatory preseason -- as in before tryouts -- meeting for all Freshmen/new players and a parent/guardian. I truly want them all to try out, but that meeting is designed to convince the ones who aren't cut out for the commitment to not waste anybody's time.

I'm convinced doing that meeting in that specific way is why I don't have the troubles all our other teams have. I've been trying to explain this to my coaches for years. Our softball team doesn't win state championships or anything close to it. But my coaching experience is a lot smoother than what most of our other coaches deal with. I think weeding out people before we even start is a big part of why.

You also set the tone from day one for those who do stick around. I can't tell you how many little nods of approval I've seen from parents during these meetings over the years. I've also heard "Why don't your other teams do this?" several times.

 

[RADcatchers]

Yes I understand there are situations where there is not a direct dna parent. As other described.
The point remains there IS somebody guiding the child's life who has more direct responsibility then the coach.
Fact.

@chinamigarden
Story exhibits the importance of paying attention! Glad they were able to share that story with us!

It is nice to have discussions & things open up. >>>However this discussion topic had a direct point. (it was not about coaches influence.)

Original topic.

 

[Cannonball]

Trust me, I was concerned about the same thing. I ASKED admins to meet with me regularly to review what was happening. All of them approved: the students last year simply would not do any work. They thought it was like the COVID years and middle school where they would just be passed along. I was adamantly told NOT to change my expectations.

This year they moved me up to sophomore English to teach three sections . . . many of those are the same kids who failed in my freshmen class last year. Admin is making a point to them. We are holding them accountable.

I don't think most people really understand the impact of how our nation responded to COVID wrt education. IMO, it is as if the vast majority skipped that year and all of the fundamental building blocks for so many classes.