We quit our team today

[quincy]

It is a tryout.

DD got bumped for a quest P that was not going to join our Team. If they had any interest in joining our team I would have been OK with it.

 

[marriard]

Ok.... I am going to say this (and this is a general rant - it is not meant to be directed at anyone in particular)

This is 10U. There is no reason to be on a team that is 'recruiting', replacing players mid-season, traveling every weekend, or anything of the sort unless your goal is to make sure your DD quits the game by the time she is 13 or 14. You don't need to be chasing the absolute best competition either - just good competition that gets you lots of game time in a solid development environment. 10U-'A' doesn't matter long term. It really doesn't.

There is also no reason to be asking your DD about her long term softball goals at 10U or even 12U for the most part. Anything beyond a some what vague "I'd like to play in college" is stupid. Hell, half the time in 14U it is ridiculous - they have NO clue what they want in 4 years time - nor do you really have any clue who they are going to be. At this age kids will say what their parents want them to - the number of parents who say "It is her passion. She wants this" is really high - but I am telling you I have seen maybe 3 or 4 times it was really true to the level the parent wants it to be. It is human nature - you as a parent want the best and see what the best is, and it gets projected onto the kid and they act appropriately (then they get to 12-14 and realize they have OPTIONS and can say 'No').

I was close to screwing this up with my DD. I know I was. I should have known better - but I fell into the trap. I was lucky that someone I respected pointed it out to me (and was very blunt in doing so).

And the whole BS about all the money and spots been gone for college - well FSU signed a senior HS pitcher last year and they signed another one this year. We had several D1 coaches looking for players for this season into July of last year. And those Junior College transfers - those get made in about a 3 month window. STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE FUTURE - worry about this season and that she is still going to want to play next season. if you are good enough, they will find a spot (and money though this should always be secondary) for you at the level you are at.

I've now been around long enough to have seen the girls who stay and play and the girls that don't. The best team in 10U and 12U in Florida just few years ago - and certainly top 5 in the country - now only has 5 members still playing and at least 2 of those girls still play because of their parents. Those two are going to be the girls who get to college and don't make it through spring season if they get that far. The whole 'Whatever happened to XXXX' plays out so often.

 

[grcsftbll]

It's not hypocrisy. Some teams pick up because they're short players, not because they don't have faith in the ones they've got. Their 7 or 8 want to play and can't unless they grab another girl or 2. Just recently one of the big name teams in the area lost several girls to another team, for example. If we pick up with a team and realize they're actually full and are doing the same thing as the one we just left, that will not be the team we choose. We'd like to pick up before making a decision, so that we can see the coaches in action (winning and losing); if they need a player they will often let you play in a tournament before you decide. To me that's not anything close to having a full time, every position filled, and picking up girls you see as better players so you can win a scrimmage.

I was actually just talking to a coach who needs just one player, and he said we are welcome to come practice with them, watch them play next weekend, talk to the coaches, see how our kid likes the girls, but that they don't do pick up at all unless they don't have enough to play. They got bumped way up my list after that conversation, even if it does make the choice a little less convenient for me (not being able to play WITH them before deciding).

 

[grcsftbll]

I agree with you, marriard. When I say we bring her in on the discussion, it's not about college. lol. She's 9! It's things like, "This team is really good, and they're probably going to win a lot but you're not getting much pitching time. This other team is not quite as solid, but they need a #1 pitcher. What is more important to you right now?" I know many girls hit about age 14 and quit. We just want to enjoy it NOW. We want a team where she can play and be challenged and have a great time. Heck, my kid is obsessed with doing hair and make up. She might go to cosmetology school instead of college for all I know. These things are way too far in the future for me to worry about. What I'm worried about now is just having a coach who believes in his team and develops his players, and wants what's best for them.

 

[darken]

This is 10U. There is no reason to be on a team that is 'recruiting', replacing players mid-season, traveling every weekend, or anything of the sort unless your goal is to make sure your DD quits the game by the time she is 13 or 14.

Probably some of the best advice on DFP ever!

 

[grcsftbll]

I've gotten a lot of contacts from coaches this morning. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed. I was afraid to quit the team without having a plan in place, because I didn't want her to have to not play for a month. Apparently that is not a problem. There are some really great teams who are interested in her and somehow I have to pick one. I'm scared of screwing it all up. Eek!

 

[FP26]

Today we played a 3-game friendly and he picked up players, and sat his own players.

I was going to type a much longer response, but marriard covered most everything I wanted to say. That was an excellent post. Anyway, the quote above tells me enough about the team your DD recently played for. Not only would my DD leave this team, she would be running as fast as she could. I certainly understand your concern about finding a new team, but at 9 years old, I wouldn't be too worried about it. Find a place where she can be happy and play/pitch. If the new team doesn't meet her long term goals, look again after another year or two. I am not a fan of "team jumping", but if it isn't done often, and you are moving to a higher level or more aggressive team, I see nothing wrong with it.

 

[sluggers]

grcsftbll, you are doing the right thing.

If your DD is going to play at advanced levels of softball, you have to take a businesslike approach.

Find a team which makes her a better player...which means a team where she gets plenty of playing time. If a team doesn't "fit" because of the coach or playing time or teammates, simply find a better fit.

Teams are not about finding best buddies for life, a group of nice parents, or coaching role models. Teams are for giving your DD a chance to play (not watch) softball at the highest level she is capable of playing.

 

[Terror Coach]

IMO you don't quit a team midseason. I personally refuse to pick up kids who team jump. These kids always come with baggage. You also mentioned you said something's on a message board to your coach. You don't want to be that parent. It will only hurt your kid in the long term. Your daughter is nine. I would be careful how many bridges you burn. IMO it sounds like this coach had enough of the drama and sat your daughter knowing this would result in you leaving.

 

[grcsftbll]

IMO you don't quit a team midseason. I personally refuse to pick up kids who team jump. These kids always come with baggage. You also mentioned you said something's on a message board to your coach. You don't want to be that parent. It will only hurt your kid in the long term. Your daughter is nine. I would be careful how many bridges you burn. IMO it sounds like this coach had enough of the drama and sat your daughter knowing this would result in you leaving.

You're wrong, but that's ok. No law against being wrong We're not team jumpers. Not by a long shot. But we're not going to stay somewhere with a coach who is destructive to our kid and our team. I'll be surprised if the team survives in the fall, unless they replace him. Sometimes, parents do cause drama, no doubt. But sometimes coaches are wrong, too.