No competitive drive

[FP26]

As someone who has been around Pattar a bunch-that is a gross mischaricterization and a little out of line.

I have a DD who pitches in 12u, so does my opinion count since it's a 12u pitcher in question? Losing focus, falling apart, having mechanical break downs, etc are all par for the course and understandable. Pouting or fit throwing are not (they aren't acceptable at school or at the grocery store, why would they be acceptable anywhere else?). He was pretty clear in that he was stating that IF that's what OP's DD was doing, then it should maybe be addressed but that if it was other stuff that it's probably normal 11 year old girl stuff and would take care of itself.

I agree with this completely. My DD currently pitches in college. We have been through everything from teeball (obviously she didn't pitch there ) to women's league softball, and every place in between. When she was 9 or 10, situations like the OP is describing were commonplace. She wanted to win, but she really didn't care one way or the other. She was in it for the fun more than anything else. At 11 I started to see a change. The lack of dedication from her rec ball teammates started to bother her. If they started making errors behind her, she tried to be too perfect and would lose her accuracy. Ultimately this is one reason she chose to move to travel ball. She didn't play travel prior to that because she wasn't interested. But once she got a taste and realized there were other girls out there just as interested as her, she was hooked. Gradually as she got older, she started to learn how to deal with adversity. Eventually she got to the point where is seemed as though nothing bothered her at all. One coach used to call her "ice cube". Another "bull dog". She didn't care for either nickname but appreciated the sentiment. In high school she was the only travel ball player on a team that played against travel filled teams. It was ugly to watch, but she always had a good attitude about it. The coach at one of her top college choices wanted to come see her high school team play. She warned her in advance that her high school team wasn't very good. The college coach came anyway. After losing by 3 runs to a team that was immensely better than them, the college coach could not stop saying how impressed she was with DD's attitude and leadership. She was offered a spot that night. Ultimately she turned it down and plays for a different school, but it is still a moment she talks about often.

To the OP. At 11, she is still very young and VERY early on this journey. This may just be part of growing up for her. I wouldn't worry about it too much at this point. But as she gets older, she should start working out of it. Dealing with adversity is something we all have to deal with in life outside of sports, and it is one of the greatest aspects of playing sports. Some never learn how to deal with it and ultimately leave sports because of it. Some will learn to cope with it. Some will be motivated by it. As a parent, it is your job to help her learn her way. Guide her, but don't force it. Good luck.

 

[grcsftbll]

I think bringing up all the things she did wrong on the way home from the game/tournament is probably doing a lot more harm than good. Parents put their kids in sports so they'll be active and have fun, make friends. At some point for a lot of us, that change to something else. Only they're still kids and for most of them, it hasn't changed. They still want to play a game and have fun, and we're over here making it serious and work. I think esp by second year 12U it's important to follow their lead. They'll find a way to make it their own one way or another; that might mean slacking off and not going all out because it irritates dad, and dad taking it so seriously is irritating.

 

[MadBandit22]

As someone who has been around Pattar a bunch-that is a gross mischaricterization and a little out of line.

I have a DD who pitches in 12u, so does my opinion count since it's a 12u pitcher in question? Losing focus, falling apart, having mechanical break downs, etc are all par for the course and understandable. Pouting or fit throwing are not (they aren't acceptable at school or at the grocery store, why would they be acceptable anywhere else?). He was pretty clear in that he was stating that IF that's what OP's DD was doing, then it should maybe be addressed but that if it was other stuff that it's probably normal 11 year old girl stuff and would take care of itself.

I really don’t think anybody needs a mediator

As someone who has been around Pattar a bunch-that is a gross mischaricterization and a little out of line.

I have a DD who pitches in 12u, so does my opinion count since it's a 12u pitcher in question? Losing focus, falling apart, having mechanical break downs, etc are all par for the course and understandable. Pouting or fit throwing are not (they aren't acceptable at school or at the grocery store, why would they be acceptable anywhere else?). He was pretty clear in that he was stating that IF that's what OP's DD was doing, then it should maybe be addressed but that if it was other stuff that it's probably normal 11 year old girl stuff and would take care of itself.
[/

As someone who has been around Pattar a bunch-that is a gross mischaricterization and a little out of line.

I have a DD who pitches in 12u, so does my opinion count since it's a 12u pitcher in question? Losing focus, falling apart, having mechanical break downs, etc are all par for the course and understandable. Pouting or fit throwing are not (they aren't acceptable at school or at the grocery store, why would they be acceptable anywhere else?). He was pretty clear in that he was stating that IF that's what OP's DD was doing, then it should maybe be addressed but that if it was other stuff that it's probably normal 11 year old girl stuff and would take care of itself.

DD has always been prone to not giving her best effort. Some days she's an animal, some days she's a shrinking violet. Some days, like last night, she shows glimpses of both in the same game. Last night she completely gave up on the mound after a minor miscue. This is the third straight outing that she was doing great until something small went wrong and she lost her focus and literally did not throw another strike until she got pulled.

When she plays the field, when a ball is hit to her, you never know if she's going to make a diving play, or if she's going let the ball roll to a stop in front of her. On a tag play she may dive head first to make the tag and pop up to fire across the diamond to get a running lollygagging back to first, or like last night, she may completely vacate her base and let a perfect throw sail into the outfield because the base runner was "coming right at me". When batting, she is either hunting a walk, or swinging for the fences, but she has her mind made up before she gets in the box.

On the way home I was trying to get her to explain why sometimes she's gives 100%, but most of the time it's more like 10%. I started to talk about how we need to play to win, and that's what's important. Not the winning, but playing to win the game (cue Herm Edwards). I stopped and asked her if she cares if she wins. She said, "I like it when we win." I asked if she cared when the lose. She said, "Not really."

I'm at a loss. Are we done with TB? She says she loves softball, but I guess not enough to actually try. I feel like I'd be doing a disservice to her team if I let her keep playing on the team. Am I overreacting? Just looking for advice. First year 12U, btw.

The question is what brings on the behavior? Is it a genuine lack of effort, not knowing what to do with the ball, being reluctant to try and make plays she’s not sure she can make? not wanting to be singled out if she makes an error?

DD has always been prone to not giving her best effort. Some days she's an animal, some days she's a shrinking violet. Some days, like last night, she shows glimpses of both in the same game. Last night she completely gave up on the mound after a minor miscue. This is the third straight outing that she was doing great until something small went wrong and she lost her focus and literally did not throw another strike until she got pulled.

When she plays the field, when a ball is hit to her, you never know if she's going to make a diving play, or if she's going let the ball roll to a stop in front of her. On a tag play she may dive head first to make the tag and pop up to fire across the diamond to get a running lollygagging back to first, or like last night, she may completely vacate her base and let a perfect throw sail into the outfield because the base runner was "coming right at me". When batting, she is either hunting a walk, or swinging for the fences, but she has her mind made up before she gets in the box.

On the way home I was trying to get her to explain why sometimes she's gives 100%, but most of the time it's more like 10%. I started to talk about how we need to play to win, and that's what's important. Not the winning, but playing to win the game (cue Herm Edwards). I stopped and asked her if she cares if she wins. She said, "I like it when we win." I asked if she cared when the lose. She said, "Not really."

I'm at a loss. Are we done with TB? She says she loves softball, but I guess not enough to actually try. I feel like I'd be doing a disservice to her team if I let her keep playing on the team. Am I overreacting? Just looking for advice. First year 12U, btw.

DD has always been prone to not giving her best effort. Some days she's an animal, some days she's a shrinking violet. Some days, like last night, she shows glimpses of both in the same game. Last night she completely gave up on the mound after a minor miscue. This is the third straight outing that she was doing great until something small went wrong and she lost her focus and literally did not throw another strike until she got pulled.

When she plays the field, when a ball is hit to her, you never know if she's going to make a diving play, or if she's going let the ball roll to a stop in front of her. On a tag play she may dive head first to make the tag and pop up to fire across the diamond to get a running lollygagging back to first, or like last night, she may completely vacate her base and let a perfect throw sail into the outfield because the base runner was "coming right at me". When batting, she is either hunting a walk, or swinging for the fences, but she has her mind made up before she gets in the box.

On the way home I was trying to get her to explain why sometimes she's gives 100%, but most of the time it's more like 10%. I started to talk about how we need to play to win, and that's what's important. Not the winning, but playing to win the game (cue Herm Edwards). I stopped and asked her if she cares if she wins. She said, "I like it when we win." I asked if she cared when the lose. She said, "Not really."

I'm at a loss. Are we done with TB? She says she loves softball, but I guess not enough to actually try. I feel like I'd be doing a disservice to her team if I let her keep playing on the team. Am I overreacting? Just looking for advice. First year 12U, btw.

Dude, let it go. It's not your concern. I had dropped it as had he. Now all you are doing is stirring it back up. Lets move on.

DD has always been prone to not giving her best effort. Some days she's an animal, some days she's a shrinking violet. Some days, like last night, she shows glimpses of both in the same game. Last night she completely gave up on the mound after a minor miscue. This is the third straight outing that she was doing great until something small went wrong and she lost her focus and literally did not throw another strike until she got pulled.

When she plays the field, when a ball is hit to her, you never know if she's going to make a diving play, or if she's going let the ball roll to a stop in front of her. On a tag play she may dive head first to make the tag and pop up to fire across the diamond to get a running lollygagging back to first, or like last night, she may completely vacate her base and let a perfect throw sail into the outfield because the base runner was "coming right at me". When batting, she is either hunting a walk, or swinging for the fences, but she has her mind made up before she gets in the box.

On the way home I was trying to get her to explain why sometimes she's gives 100%, but most of the time it's more like 10%. I started to talk about how we need to play to win, and that's what's important. Not the winning, but playing to win the game (cue Herm Edwards). I stopped and asked her if she cares if she wins. She said, "I like it when we win." I asked if she cared when the lose. She said, "Not really."

I'm at a loss. Are we done with TB? She says she loves softball, but I guess not enough to actually try. I feel like I'd be doing a disservice to her team if I let her keep playing on the team. Am I overreacting? Just looking for advice. First year 12U, btw.

Maybe rec ball is more of what she’s looking for right now. If the effort and attitude improve over time test the TB waters in the future.

 

[_MIA_]

I really don’t think anybody needs a mediator

Cut him some slack, I let him hold my DD's new glove for 20 minutes so he feels indebted to me

 

[MadBandit22]

Cut him some slack, I let him hold my DD's new glove for 20 minutes so he feels indebted to me

No it’s crazy two people were having a discussion and a 3rd party interjects. Let the thread play out and then comment if necessary. I was kind of enjoying the back and forth.
Honestly from previous exposure I don’t think to highly of TH but he was making some good points.
You have a good sense of humor and have your opinions like everybody else.
It’s not a school yard brawl where everybody needs to choose sides. Take it for what it’s worth. Why does everything always have to get personal.

 

[_MIA_]

No it’s crazy two people were having a discussion and a 3rd party interjects. Let the thread play out and then comment if necessary. I was kind of enjoying the back and forth.
Honestly from previous exposure I don’t think to highly of TH but he was making some good points.
You have a good sense of humor and have your opinions like everybody else.
It’s not a school yard brawl where everybody needs to choose sides. Take it for what it’s worth. Why does everything always have to get personal.

Not a big deal either way. I was fine with TH calling me out (although I do wish he actually answered the question I asked) and fine with @OsDad commenting on my stellar character

 

[texasheat]

Not a big deal either way. I was fine with TH calling me out (although I do wish he actually answered the question I asked) and fine with @OsDad commenting on my stellar character

What does it cost for that type of bodyguard? Is he with you all of the time? Does he cook and clean for you in addition to taking up your fights?

 

[_MIA_]

What does it cost for that type of bodyguard? Is he with you all of the time? Does he cook and clean for you in addition to taking up your fights?

No offense @OsDad, but if I was to pick a bodyguard it wouldn't be him
Also since you refused to answer my question, and I absorbed your body blow to my character through self-flagellation, I considered myself the winner of that one..

 

[badmonkey]

Pitching lessons tonight. I'm going to try to not talk about softball at all going to and from the lessons. Maybe I won't even pay attention at all unless they need me to sit on the bucket.

 

[Rick M]

As amusing as all this is, I will just add one point to the OP's concerns:

The fall of first-year 12U is hard on pitchers. Like, super-duper-hard. My daughter went from striking out 2/3rds of the batters she faced as a second-year 10 to walking four batters every inning just two months later. It's soul-crushing as a player and parent to go from all-fun to no-fun in such a short period of time. The bigger ball and longer distance wreak havoc on 11 year-old softball pitchers.

Make sure your next post-game talk includes some acknowledgement that what your DD is doing is very difficult, and everyone struggles to make the move from 10U to 12U. The good news is, the last major change they face as pitchers is the rubber moving back from 40 to 43 feet at 14U, and that's a much easier transition.