No competitive drive

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Aug 2, 2019
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As amusing as all this is, I will just add one point to the OP's concerns:

The fall of first-year 12U is hard on pitchers. Like, super-duper-hard. My daughter went from striking out 2/3rds of the batters she faced as a second-year 10 to walking four batters every inning just two months later. It's soul-crushing as a player and parent to go from all-fun to no-fun in such a short period of time. The bigger ball and longer distance wreak havoc on 11 year-old softball pitchers.

Make sure your next post-game talk includes some acknowledgement that what your DD is doing is very difficult, and everyone struggles to make the move from 10U to 12U. The good news is, the last major change they face as pitchers is the rubber moving back from 40 to 43 feet at 14U, and that's a much easier transition.
Good point. Add to that, she didn't pitch for her 10U TB team. She last pitched in rec. And it was HE, now switching to IR. I think you're correct that I should acknowledge how hard it is, and cut back on the critiques.
 

sluggers

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May 26, 2008
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DD has always been prone to not giving her best effort. Some days she's an animal, some days she's a shrinking violet. Some days, like last night, she shows glimpses of both in the same game. I feel like I'd be doing a disservice to her team if I let her keep playing on the team. Am I overreacting? Just looking for advice. First year 12U, btw.
1) You are over-reacting. She is 11YOA. Wait a few years. You can't expect an 11YOA (either boy or girl) to be a super-competitive monster. My DDs didn't get there until college..

2) Men emphasize the emotional aspect of athletics too much. The whole "you got to want it" mantra is just BS.

To quote Bob Knight, "Everbody wants to win. Not everyone is willing to prepare to win." And, this is really where she is coming apart. She isn't mentally (not emotionally) preparing to win.

*Specifially*, what is is she doing wrong? With pitching, the questions are:, "Are you making a 100% effort on every pitch? What is your plan for pitching?" With batting, "Do you have a plan? Do you adjust your mental approach based upon count, base runner, score, etc.?"

Then, you have to drill it into her head to think about the game every inning and every pitch.
 
Aug 2, 2019
343
63
1) You are over-reacting. She is 11YOA. Wait a few years. You can't expect an 11YOA (either boy or girl) to be a super-competitive monster. My DDs didn't get there until college..

2) Men emphasize the emotional aspect of athletics too much. The whole "you got to want it" mantra is just BS.

To quote Bob Knight, "Everbody wants to win. Not everyone is willing to prepare to win." And, this is really where she is coming apart. She isn't mentally (not emotionally) preparing to win.

*Specifially*, what is is she doing wrong? With pitching, the questions are:, "Are you making a 100% effort on every pitch? What is your plan for pitching?" With batting, "Do you have a plan? Do you adjust your mental approach based upon count, base runner, score, etc.?"

Then, you have to drill it into her head to think about the game every inning and every pitch.
I think you're right about me overreacting. The "you have to want it" thing has driven me crazy since pee-wee baseball as far as other kids not hustling or paying attention. I was always the way too intense kid. Over competitive to a fault. I've been mostly over that as an adult, but I guess softball is bringing that back out of me.

She is not willing to prepare to win. I know some girls that are. Probably not fair to compare DD to the very few that are extraordinarily passionate about the game.

Specifically, what is she doing wrong? In her last two games, not paying attention in outfield, ball was hit to her that should have been an easy out. She didn't see it off the bat and misjudged it so it went over her head as she charged in too hard. That happens, sometimes even when you're paying attention, whatever. When she went after the ball she didn't run. It was a slow jog. If she would have ran hard the BR maybe could have made it to second, there would have at least been a play. When she threw it back, she just threw it back in the direction of the infield, not setting her feet and threw to no one in particular. What could have been an out, turned into a triple.

At 3rd base, they had a girl steal out by two steps easy. She sets up to receive the throw three feet in foul territory. The coach reminds her how to cover the bag. She knows, and played excellent 3rd base on her old team. A few minutes later, runner steals 3rd. Had a chance, would have been a close play. She sets up correctly, great throw from the catcher. She vacates the bag into foul territory because the runner was "coming right at her." Runner slides in safe. LF saved the run, fortunately.

Pitching. Comes in with bases loaded. First three pitches are strikes. The third pitch is a little pop up dinker that lands 15' from home. Runner has to check up. When it dropped the runner has 10' from 3rd. DD picks up up, runs two steps toward home, then flips to catcher. Ball goes to screen. Don't know if bad toss, bad catch, but DD knows she could have walked to the plate and gotten the out. Instead of regrouping, she just loses all focus, and pitches grounders until she walks in the run limit. Does not throw another strike, and makes no attempt to beat runners home on passed balls.


But last night we had pitching lessons. I shortened the lesson from an hour to 30 min. Didn't talk about softball to or from. She started lessons with a poor attitude. I removed myself and chatted up other parents at the facility during her lesson, watching discretely out of the corner of my eye. Her attitude improved through the lesson, and ended on a positive note. Usually she does well in the beginning, and loses focus at the end, and usually I am bird dogging the whole time. After the lesson, I talked to the PC for a few minutes. Usually DD is packing up the car. She stayed in the cage throwing balls at the screen the whole time.


It's clear. I'm the problem here, not DD. I need to step back.
 
Sep 19, 2018
928
93
*Specifially*, what is is she doing wrong? With pitching, the questions are:, "Are you making a 100% effort on every pitch?

To add a little more confusion, I am not sure my DD (10 y/o) realizes when she is not giving 100%. I believe physically she might be giving 100%, or she truly believes she is. But when the focus is not there the outcome is (obviously) so much different. I see it right away, her velocity is way down and she throws high and away.

I am not sure it is better or worse, but I have not seen her lose focus due to a bad inning or mishaps. She either shows up with it or not.
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
To add a little more confusion, I am not sure my DD (10 y/o) realizes when she is not giving 100%. I believe physically she might be giving 100%, or she truly believes she is. But when the focus is not there the outcome is (obviously) so much different. I see it right away, her velocity is way down and she throws high and away.

I am not sure it is better or worse, but I have not seen her lose focus due to a bad inning or mishaps. She either shows up with it or not.
I have 21 YO in my classes that have a hard time focusing for more than 15 minutes at a time... ;)
 
May 20, 2016
433
63
It's clear. I'm the problem here, not DD. I need to step back.

That is the first step in long term enjoyment of your DD's playing career.

And something i've heard a lot over the years that really don't want to believe but it seems to be true "boys have to play good to feel good, and girls have to feel good to play good".
 
Mar 28, 2014
1,081
113
It's clear. I'm the problem here, not DD. I need to step back.
Bravo to you for recognizing it now. Took me longer than you so you are way ahead of the game.

It sucks to come to this realization because as a Dad, we feel like we need to take care of our daughters and be there for every step. Fact is, they are WAY more resourceful than we give them credit for and can handle a lot more on their own than we think. Be sure to make it clear that you still support her and her goals and you're still engaged and willing to do whatever you can to help her reach them, you just won't be leading the way because they're her goals, not yours. You will be behind her in case she needs you but not in front pulling her along.

And by the way, they still need a push to get their work in. Don't think OR EXPECT that she will be bugging you daily to go out in the yard and practice. Most of them (99%) don't do that. They still need a push to get out into the yard but once they are out there, they are fine and ready to work. Most of the time. Sometimes it's better to call it off and go get ice cream. :)
 

Cannonball

Ex "Expert"
Feb 25, 2009
4,854
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Ok, so the lesson should be for your dd to control what she can control. IOWs if a mistake happens and it isn't her fault, move on.
 
Jul 14, 2018
982
93
Good point. Add to that, she didn't pitch for her 10U TB team. She last pitched in rec. And it was HE, now switching to IR. I think you're correct that I should acknowledge how hard it is, and cut back on the critiques.

DD took the exact same path -- dominated Rec at 10U, decided that she wanted to be a pitcher. In that case, I told her, you're going to have to start taking some real lessons. New ball, new distance, converting to IR -- it's a lot to handle all at once.

DD lacks competitive drive as well: she typically could care less about the outcome of the game. What she does have is a self-motivation to do her best. She practices hard and battles when she's in the circle, and doesn't worry about the things that she can't control. As someone who was too competitive myself during my playing days, I think her approach is superior.
 

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