kids crying wolf

[29dad]

Again, her points were graduated and elevated at every conversation about him. First it was I don't like him and don't know why. Second it was he is an abusive father to his kids. ( he gave them a swat on their butts when they were little) Third was he is creepy. And lastly was he is creepy in a pedophile kind of way...
As you can see there is a steady pattern of her saying more and more to get her way. I honestly take offence to anyone who says I didn't here her out or take her seriously.

Sounds to me that you handled an awful situation as well as it could have been handled. Well done, but I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

 

[justanotherguy]

Well, to the OP, all I can say is, "Good job in a no-win situation". As for me, I'd like to thank everyone in this thread for helping me make the decision to NEVER coach a girls' team again. I coached my daughter's basketball team last season. After reading this thread, Dear God, it will never happen again.

 

[Lozza]

Coach James the reason people are saying you might not have handled it correctly was because you didn't give us the full information. The first bit was a girl finds a coach creepy. The second post after a number of responses was that she had told you from the start that she was going to ignore him. You also relayed a specific example that she felt one way and you saw the 'incident' and felt it was without merit. After people responded to that you mention another time she's accused him.

Having now more information I do believe that maybe this young lady had a vendetta against this guy for some unknown reason and so kept upping the ante to get her own way. Or it might be her immature way of trying to get rid of someone that she feels uncomfortable. Having this info makes me believe this girl no longer being on the team is the best, especially when you consider his daughters are on the team. They probably want nothing to do with this girl.

When I was 15 we had a new girl on our team. Our association president was a selector and helped out with the infield when needed. She took an instant dislike to him. Told the coaches she didn't want to play infield be aide he helped, that she felt he didn't want her selected. It all came to a head when she told me and another girl at the first tournament (he didn't make it) that it was well known throughout the state that he was molesting his granddaughter. First and only time I've ever punched someone and I had to be pulled off her by my coach as I was not going to be stopped from hurting her.

As might be obvious I was the association presidents granddaughter and took great offence to what was said. I have the ultimatum that day, as did a number of my friends. She went to a new team after that.

So I get that false accusations hurt people (we still have no idea where she got that from or if she was just making up the worst thing she could think of) but I still think if someone has a feeling they should be listened to and dealt with accordingly. I do think you e done that OP.

 

[Coachmom]

It's a sad situation either way. But I would like to clarify that when I spoke about having a gut feeling about someone I was in no way saying that a person should be ostracized based on a feeling. My point was that if I personally have a bad or creepy feeling about someone I personally stay away from that person. I encourage my DD to trust her instincts too.

It had nothing to do with falsely accusing someone of a crime based on a feeling. Coachjames did the right thing and investigated and found no merit to the girls feeling. good luck with your team.

 

[Coachmom]

Double post...sorry

 

[joemcq51]

Sadly, I think this will stay with your AC for a long time. If I were in this situation, I would be outta there. How can he ever hold a conversation with any parent on the team again without the thought being in his head that they think he could be......You will never know if the girl was justified in her "gut feeling". I believe this is going to stick with your team and have a very negative effect long term. The poster who said shut the team down, may be on to something. If my DD was on this team, I would already be looking to move her. Even though there was nothing the coach did wrong. It would always be there. Best to get completely away from the situation. I think you did the best you could under the circumstances. As a parent, I honestly would look to get far away.

 

[Wheels]

Unfortunately there are creepy people out there, and there are people who will say anything, baseless or not. My question is what steps can be done to insulate against false accusations in the future? There were a couple good suggestions in this thread. Are you going to enact a policy were there needs to be multiple adults around? No coach left alone? Do the coaches have to take any classes, pass background checks, etc?

I just read the post where the coach will never coach again due to what he read here. That is unfortunate cause if they were a good coach they could influence lives, for the better.

 

[coach james]

Are you going to enact a policy were there needs to be multiple adults around? No coach left alone? Do the coaches have to take any classes, pass background checks, etc

I do have a policy that requires a player and a coach can never be left alone together...rule of three as we call it. As far as background checks, yes, every coach has passed and are ASA certified.