kids crying wolf

[Lozza]

At least three of which I am aware including a young girl (in the mid-60's) who had an issue with a priest. She was part of a class action which won a suit against the Catholic church. Thing is the supposed action took place on a trip at which I was present and none of the other 35 students saw anything that supposedly happened. No one really knows as the priest died by the time the accusation was raised, so no one really knows if it happened. I knew the priest well and there was never any indication of any type of misconduct would or did occur.

The type of people who do this Re very good at hiding what they are like. We had an old family friend who everyone swore up and down was a great guy. Still went to gaol for molesting boys he was coaching.

I haven't seen anyone condemning the guy. But the OP clearly thinks the girl is a liar who is using her mothers abuse to condemn an innocent guy. He has no basis for that, but has no issue condemning the girl himself.

 

[splinterpicker]

There is a difference in thinking someone is creepy and something actually happening. Our coaching staff is all men, but I require a women at practice at all times. No coach man or women should ever be left alone with a player that is not there child at any time. If a player has a problem it should be taken seriously, but better have some proof. If found out true dealt with severely. Its very sad that we even have topics on this, because some where it has happend. We need to protect our children but avoid witch hunts.

 

[MandM]

There is a difference in thinking someone is creepy and something actually happening. Our coaching staff is all men, but I require a women at practice at all times. No coach man or women should ever be left alone with a player that is not there child at any time. If a player has a problem it should be taken seriously, but better have some proof. If found out true dealt with severely. Its very sad that we even have topics on this, because some where it has happend. We need to protect our children but avoid witch hunts.

Coach James this is truly an unfortunate situation both for you and your AC, as this has evolved into a no win situation. If you truly believe that this girls was lying to get her own way, I would refund her money and ask her and her parents to leave the team. The reason for this, is that she has demonstrated what she is willing to do to get her own way when she is unhappy- you have to ask yourself- who will her next target be when she is unhappy- you? Second thing, is the likely damage that this has done to your AC, who inadvertently stepped into the cross hairs. It would be good support for him if he has had prior coaching experience that could provide positive references, but if this is not possible, this is such a charged issue, parents may just not feel comfortable with him around. I just don't see a great solution for you at this point.

Going forward, however, is a different story and that is why I highlighted the above quote. The best defense is prevention. All coaches/teams should take a page from the BSA policies with regard to scout leaders interaction with scouts. It is VERY structured and very clear. Always two-deep leadership, always 2 adults present at any function, never is an adult allowed to be alone with a child. This may involve parent participation at younger levels, and when my DD was in 12 and 14U, there was always a parent observing the practice.

I just don't have good advice here, as the barn door is open and the horse is gone. But my final thought is that you want to be open-minded when you talked to the parents- and not give the impression that you think this girl's feelings have no credibility. Rather, acknowledge she has sensitivities about this issue (due to her mother's situation) and about the AC (that she admitted dislike of him from Day#1), Tell the parents that she reports that she was uncomfortable by the AC's action- that you witnessed the interaction which appeared benign to you and others in the vicinity- However, you have come to recognize that the girl may need a larger personal space than other girls and that both you and the AC will respect that she has this need. Finally, to prevent any further issues, you are going to do.... (whatever your plan is)

 

[starsnuffer]

The AC's job is to help the coach. The coach's job is to enable his/her players to compete at the highest level of the players ability possible during competition, and to increase that level of ability during practice.

If retaining the AC on staff is in any way detrimental to those two goals, then the coach is doing his players a disservice.

-W

 

[mad hornet]

Lots of opinions on a no-win situation. I feel for Coach James and hope I never find myself having to deal with a similar situation.

What some of you call radar I call intuition, but there usually are clues that tip us off about a person's character whether we can name then consciously or not. Similarities with other known bad actors tend to be the biggest tip offs. Usually when my spidey sense is tingling about a person, I'm right on. But, I also know there are a few times that it's been off base. I don't have any real advice I'm just glad I'm not you. Sorry Coach I hope this works out!

 

[coach james]

Had our meeting today with all parents and coaches present. We spoke openly and blunt. We as a team decided that no one was in any danger of any kind and that these allegations were unacceptable and will not be tolerated without any concrete reasons. Once everyone left, I spoke with the accusing girls mom and as of right now it looks like I'm short another player...

 

[Comp]

Probably for the best. I have seen on more than one occasion a single cancer on a team completely destroy it.

 

[MandM]

Coach James, thank you for sharing this experience

 

[Lozza]

I think thats the best outcome. There is a reason this girl feels this way and you cleay think its unfounded. Her mother has made the right decision.

I just want to say this girl is neither right nor wrong. To her he is creepy. She gave you an example when asked. You think it's baseless. It's your right to think that while its her right to find him creepy. Her not being around him anymore is the best option for all involved.

 

[coach james]

Again, her points were graduated and elevated at every conversation about him. First it was I don't like him and don't know why. Second it was he is an abusive father to his kids. ( he gave them a swat on their butts when they were little) Third was he is creepy. And lastly was he is creepy in a pedophile kind of way...
As you can see there is a steady pattern of her saying more and more to get her way. I honestly take offence to anyone who says I didn't here her out or take her seriously.