You're making too many assumptions. The "cut-throat" teams are simply offering a higher level of training and/or competition. They carry large rosters so they have enough girls to make in game adjustments and because older girls have other commitments and will often miss a tourney or two.
In College/HS/18U Showcase/16U Showcase sure.. otherwise I stand by what I said.
It works to tell the parents of girls who aren't in the top 9-11 "'their DD is getting better here than with another team" because it's often true. If a girl is good enough to be #13 or #14 on the best program in the area she'll learn far more than being #1 on a middle of the road program.
Not in my experience - and even if it is true - it is at expense of the girl PLAYING which is the whole purpose of being involved in the game. Also I have yet to see a team practice at any level that is SO good it beats out not having game experience or couldn't be better replaced with private/semi-private lessons (which these teams expect you to take as well).
In the USA your daughter is likely to play until she is either 14, end of high school or end of college. If she started at 8, that is a maximum of about 15 years of playing (which is pathetic but that is another topic). Suggesting she basically sit out and WATCH for a season so she can get better down the track while her friends are out there playing all the time for another team makes no sense to me. Practice is cool and all that - but it is the game that is the reward and if you are taking away the reward, well I am not sure why most girls would want to keep playing.
I am paying all that money because my DD enjoys softball - which means playing the game. If I am paying all that money to a team so she can sit on the bench as a #14 or #15 player because that team is 'the best' then who am I really spending the money on?