Best parenting for a true competitor being thrust into rec-ball attitudes

[JJsqueeze]

Why is this a problem at all? let her struggle with it. If she is frustrated now, imagine how tough it will be for her when people with this mentality are working for her in 10 years? She may as well work through developing coping mechanisms now. The only problem I could see was if she internalized it and started trying to be less competitive to blend in, that would be a huge problem. Advice wise, I would just tell her that there are going to be so many people in life that don't care about winning, feel entitled, don't give things their best effort etc. In fact tell her that A LOT of people are like this so she can either get frustrated or accept this fact and try to find ways to bring them up to her level or at least accept that she can't do anything about it but prevent it from bringing her down.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

Why is this a problem at all? let her struggle with it. If she is frustrated now, imagine how tough it will be for her when people with this mentality are working for her in 10 years? She may as well work through developing coping mechanisms now. The only problem I could see was if she internalized it and started trying to be less competitive to blend in, that would be a huge problem. Advice wise, I would just tell her that there are going to be so many people in life that don't care about winning, feel entitled, don't give things their best effort etc. In fact tell her that A LOT of people are like this so she can either get frustrated or accept this fact and try to find ways to bring them up to her level or at least accept that she can't do anything about it but prevent it from bringing her down.

JJ - You hit my reaction right on the nose. But of course DD did not like this answer as it did not give her an EZ button to fix the issue from where it is at. (I couldn't give good advise on how you put it ; "find ways to bring them up to her competitive level ")

I am not too concerned about DD becoming less competitive overall. But I do get saddened about her just probably mentally checking out a bit - especially in the area of trying to get the team to be the best it can be.

 

[CoogansBluff]

Why is this a problem at all? let her struggle with it. If she is frustrated now, imagine how tough it will be for her when people with this mentality are working for her in 10 years? She may as well work through developing coping mechanisms now. The only problem I could see was if she internalized it and started trying to be less competitive to blend in, that would be a huge problem. Advice wise, I would just tell her that there are going to be so many people in life that don't care about winning, feel entitled, don't give things their best effort etc. In fact tell her that A LOT of people are like this so she can either get frustrated or accept this fact and try to find ways to bring them up to her level or at least accept that she can't do anything about it but prevent it from bringing her down.

If the volleyball players are goofing off and being disrespectful, etc., then I can agree. But if it's simply an issue of the players not wanting to win as badly as RB's daughter, of having more of a recreational/have-fun attitude, then I think you're being harsh.

 

[CoogansBluff]

I am not too concerned about DD becoming less competitive overall.

Some people would do themselves a favor to become less competitive. Not saying that's your DD, but just making a point. Competitiveness is a personality trait. It's not a virtue. It's something that can be good or bad, depending on how we use it.

 

[canyonjoe]

You need to learn to be competitive based on the situation. If you're in a TB game and you need to break up a double play you do. If you are playing at a church picnic and the preacher's wife is playing second, taking her out might be a little extreme. Learning the culture of the event is an important life skill. Your DD wasn't thrust into this she chose to do it. Maybe she can teach the others to bring up their level a little, but it has to be done in a positive manner or she will be shunned.

 

[JJsqueeze]

This is high school volleyball we are talking about right? In what God awful world is a high school sport no longer a good area to be as competitive as possible?

I am in no way advocating being a no-fun competitive prick or taking out the pastors wife with a slide. But if you are playing high school sports and you are not playing to win then you are the problem.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

Some people would do themselves a favor to become less competitive. Not saying that's your DD, but just making a point. Competitiveness is a personality trait. It's not a virtue. It's something that can be good or bad, depending on how we use it.

You make a good challenge too CB and I agree with you - I will be the first to admit that DD is a bit over the top at times. But she does express herself, to everyone but her twin (me), in a very professional and non-attacking way.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

This is high school volleyball we are talking about right? In what God awful world is a high school sport no longer a good area to be as competitive as possible?

I am in no way advocating being a no-fun competitive prick or taking out the pastors wife with a slide. But if you are playing high school sports and you are not playing to win then you are the problem.

I think this starts to dig into the core here.

In general, the rest of this VB team, if by some magical reason, they start all hitting on all cylinders, then a casual observer could conclude that they are a bunch of good sporty VB athletes. BUT bring in just ONE ounce of adversity and the general response is to shut down, distance or distract themselves from the challenge. There is zero "when the going gets tough, the tough get going..."

I think this type of reaction just down right stinks. The harsh side of me says "what the heck,..why the heck ya out here and why did you practice soo much to just give up on a dime?". To add to the frustration these giving-up players will be the first to come off the court and cry their eyes off. Geesh - If ya give up ya don't have the right to cry! (again my harsh side...)

 

[MsDinosaur]

In general, the rest of this VB team, if by some magical reason, they start all hitting on all cylinders, then a casual observer could conclude that they are a bunch of good sporty VB athletes. BUT bring in just ONE ounce of adversity and the general response is to shut down, distance or distract themselves from the challenge. There is zero "when the going gets tough, the tough get going..."

I think this type of reaction just down right stinks. The harsh side of me says "what the heck,..why the heck ya out here and why did you practice soo much to just give up on a dime?". To add to the frustration these giving-up players will be the first to come off the court and cry their eyes off. Geesh - If ya give up ya don't have the right to cry! (again my harsh side...)

Hmm, if the vast majority of the team simply rolls over and dies every time the going gets a little tough, then maybe the coach does deserve some blame? 'Cause obviously they believe this is acceptable.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

Hmm, if the vast majority of the team simply rolls over and dies every time the going gets a little tough, then maybe the coach does deserve some blame? 'Cause obviously they believe this is acceptable.

Right - but there still is sort of a chicken or the egg question going on - Do the girls immediately fold because the coaching is bad or does the coach have his hands full with non-competitive girls who think they are competitors just because they do travel-VB? (and not "A-level" travel VB)

I think it's more of the latter causing the problem BUT then further cemented by the coach not benching the girls that are giving up. He is clueless on recognizing the girls with sporting tenacity that could be “gold mines”. If the coach could break himself from the automatic anointing of the travel-VB girls, who have zero tenacity, he might find himself with a good team. But he is unable to figure that out. Sad though cuz at the start of the season he said "wow we have allot of talent and we are gonna make a run at State...." What he couldn't realize is that what he had was a bunch of practice stars......

The longer I am around sports the more value I put in “sporting tenacity” and the less value I will place on all these practice stars who fold in the real game.