Best parenting for a true competitor being thrust into rec-ball attitudes

[Slappers]

I am a super competitive person. I like winning which makes competition fun. I played baseball and golf growing up....still play golf. I was always the outcast in baseball for some reason even though I always made the all star teams and played in those games. I guess I never relied on my teammates to get things done, I just did it myself. Well, that ruined the game for me. I wasn't mean to the other players and in fact, I never said anything to them. I wasn't a leader.

Golf is all on you. There is no one else to pick you up if you leave a pitch over the meat of the plate or hang that curve ball. That is why I thrived in that sport. I liked the pressure being on me to perform and to an extent, still do.

Sticking up for what is right will always alienate you from the group. It happened to me my whole life. I still do it though because it is the right thing to do. I want to instill that into the people that I influence.

What I have learned about my competitiveness over the course of my life is that what I was not so good at in my high school years such as playing for teams that I just didn't fit in with well is that I now have the ability to get under achievers, over achieve. It is weird. Not sure where it came from but I know that place that your in and she's in and it's not fun.

My advice to her and you would be to tell her to keep working hard and doing the right thing. A few of the other players know she is right and while they may have saved face by going with the group, will have it their minds and step it up a bit.

 

[cmustangsfp]

I have seen the same thing on my DD's school VB team. But what I see is a lack of coaching. There are several girls who have the drive and more than several that have the giggles. When these new girls came to the team with the drive, a few stepped up their game and others withdrew their game. The result is that there is always 2 spots on the floor and sometimes 3 where there lies a weak spot. A hit to those spots will generate points for the other team. I am concerned because 1 of my DDs will have to move up next year, as will a few more and there are already 17 on this team, with none of them having to move up to varsity. So the potential lies in a lot of girls with no drive. I am hoping a coaching vacancy opens up . These girls are not shown the correct ways to do things so the ones with drive can make great plays, but the ones without the drive seem to falter and shy away when they make a mistake due to positioning error. I would look to see if these girls are not being coached properly. If they have good fundamentals, but no drive then I guess you can blame it on drive rather than coaching. If it is due to poor coaching, maybe your DD has to step up and work with those girls to improve their game. Winning is contagious and when you mix the correct skills with drive then you have the receipie for success. Adding drive to poor fundamentals will only increase doing the wrong things more often and at a quicker pace. So if the girls don't have the drive, maybe it is because they lack the proper training.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

I have seen the same thing on my DD's school VB team. But what I see is a lack of coaching. There are several girls who have the drive and more than several that have the giggles. When these new girls came to the team with the drive, a few stepped up their game and others withdrew their game. The result is that there is always 2 spots on the floor and sometimes 3 where there lies a weak spot. A hit to those spots will generate points for the other team. I am concerned because 1 of my DDs will have to move up next year, as will a few more and there are already 17 on this team, with none of them having to move up to varsity. So the potential lies in a lot of girls with no drive. I am hoping a coaching vacancy opens up . These girls are not shown the correct ways to do things so the ones with drive can make great plays, but the ones without the drive seem to falter and shy away when they make a mistake due to positioning error. I would look to see if these girls are not being coached properly. If they have good fundamentals, but no drive then I guess you can blame it on drive rather than coaching. If it is due to poor coaching, maybe your DD has to step up and work with those girls to improve their game. Winning is contagious and when you mix the correct skills with drive then you have the receipie for success. Adding drive to poor fundamentals will only increase doing the wrong things more often and at a quicker pace. So if the girls don't have the drive, maybe it is because they lack the proper training.

I feel for your situation because I would bet 99 times out of a hundred that the current "no-drive" senior classmen will be right back on your team bringing it down again next year..... (due to hs coaches NOT, 1. being able to identify and/or appreciate "drive" and, 2. having the balls to "fire" the underperforming senior classmen)..... sad......

Frustrating part for my DD is that she is the only non-travel-VB varsity player I beleive. Because of this the other "no-drive" year-round TVB players will not accept leadership from my DD because "she doesn't know the sport".... (bunch of crap of course but a sport-vs-sport culture thing...)

I am starting to conclude that the "drive" aspect is something that this hs coach just cannot identify. Here I am in the stands and I see no-hustle and choking displays and it's soooo apparent to me who should be on the court and who should not if you want to win. But hc just keeps on playing his best-looking-skills players that are year round travel VB. Destined to lose..... sad again....

Side note - for as little as I know about the sport I THINK the hc IS in fact giving them good fundamentals - geesh if this were missing we would really have a train-wreck....

 

[cmustangsfp]

Ahh yes. The we play TB and you don't mentality, which can happen in SB as well. We encounterd this on our first SB TB team. Actually the problem was really " We play TB, but you are better than us, but we play TB so we MUST be better than you so we will just not include you on this TB team." The HC went straight to the daddy-ball playbook and refused to put our DD's in positions where they could outshine his. In the few instances where he did insert them, they showed their skills, did well and then they were put on the shelf. Case in point. HC's DD is pitching and losing and struggling to get out of the inning. Game is 75% done according to time limit. HC inserts my DD. She gets out of the innning. She gets them out of the next inning also, including a dynamite diving snag while pitching, throw from knees, bullet to 1st to get the out. Remaining games she is put in LF because that is where you want your "best" pitcher.

Perhaps you have to tell her about this bias and explain to her how they are protecting their VB TB "status" by refusing to listen to her. If they listened to her, their whole idyllic picture of Travel volleyball world might collapse. They might not be as "elite" as they think they are. She will just have to learn why they act the way they do in order to not be so frustrated by it. And if anyone asks why are we talking about volleyball on a softball forum, this same scenario happens in the SB world too, so I feel it is a valid point to discuss. Some people want to protect their dream, even if it means denying the obvious by choosing not to accept it.

 

[Slappers]

When did TB become so prevalent? When I was a kid at the high school varsity level (20-21 years ago) TB was playing for your local American Legion Post or Babe Ruth league. Not even sure TB existed back then.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

Ahh yes. The we play TB and you don't mentality, which can happen in SB as well. We encounterd this on our first SB TB team. Actually the problem was really " We play TB, but you are better than us, but we play TB so we MUST be better than you so we will just not include you on this TB team." The HC went straight to the daddy-ball playbook and refused to put our DD's in positions where they could outshine his. In the few instances where he did insert them, they showed their skills, did well and then they were put on the shelf. Case in point. HC's DD is pitching and losing and struggling to get out of the inning. Game is 75% done according to time limit. HC inserts my DD. She gets out of the innning. She gets them out of the next inning also, including a dynamite diving snag while pitching, throw from knees, bullet to 1st to get the out. Remaining games she is put in LF because that is where you want your "best" pitcher.

Perhaps you have to tell her about this bias and explain to her how they are protecting their VB TB "status" by refusing to listen to her. If they listened to her, their whole idyllic picture of Travel volleyball world might collapse. They might not be as "elite" as they think they are. She will just have to learn why they act the way they do in order to not be so frustrated by it. And if anyone asks why are we talking about volleyball on a softball forum, this same scenario happens in the SB world too, so I feel it is a valid point to discuss. Some people want to protect their dream, even if it means denying the obvious by choosing not to accept it.

The sin is, be it VB or SB or whatever, that the best and most capable to win do not get their reward for their combination of nature & nurture. Yes, my participation trophy onlookers, winning is not everything, BUT "winning" needs to not be so discarded in this culture. Another confirmation of our culture of celebrating mediocrity!

Hopefully I am preaching to the choir on this to most of you ;-)

 

[cmustangsfp]

When did TB become so prevalent? When I was a kid at the high school varsity level (20-21 years ago) TB was playing for your local American Legion Post or Babe Ruth league. Not even sure TB existed back then.

When the local rec leagues could not provide support to the girls that wanted more than to look pretty and underhand toss a softball. Sad part is i tried to get one Babe Ruth league to adopt the idea of providing an upper echelon for the more driven girls, like they do in baseball and they refused. Then Babe Ruth came up with the Babe Ruth Extreme leagues, which are/were an attempt to stop losing so many players to TB. I guess I was ahead of the curve.

 

[sluggers]

Based upon what I have read, I have concluded:

(A) Some rec ball players are better than some TB players. Therefore, my DD should play more.

(B) The destruction of America is imminent because TB players are not rewarded enough for their ability to hit a small yellow ball. Therefore, my DD should play more.​

 

[RubberBiscuit]

Based upon what I have read, I have concluded:

(A) Some rec ball players are better than some TB players. Therefore, my DD should play more.

(B) The destruction of America is imminent because TB players are not rewarded enough for their ability to hit a small yellow ball. Therefore, my DD should play more.​

Sluggo - I laughed at first to your comment here then after a little digestion of it I have to respond with these honest points:
1. I would gladly give up ALL DD play time to get more reality assessments made by folks in power - this case a hs coach.
2. Even though this discussion is about a silly little sport this IS a representation of the destruction of America that is happening right before our very complacent eyes....

 

[sluggers]

My observation is that there are usually only one or two kids on TB and HS teams who are really, really "good". Anyone who has coached sports can tell when a kid is "good". The other kids on the team, however, are pretty much fungible. (Which does *NOT* mean that those kids shouldn't be taught how to play or can't get something from the game. They are OK players.)

Each person has different strengths and weaknesses. "Failing" is a way to help the child figure out her strengths and her weaknesses.

IMHO, parents seem now, more than ever, to shield their children from failure...as if lack of ability to hit a green ball has some cosmic meaning.