What are you saying, that a parent shouldn't talk to you about anything about their DD? I don't want to run any team, but I do want the coach to hear my concerns about my DD, or are you like the majority of coaches (especially high school) who says "shut up, or your kid sits on the bench"?
Annoyed
- Thread starter nixxy311
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- Dec 11, 2010
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Both DD’s started all four years in their preferred positions and hit lead off or 4th except the covid year the 2020’s missed and the one year older dd played ss instead of cf. I say that only to convey that we were lucky that we didn’t have anything to complain about that way….
I don’t miss hs softball. At all.
Three head coaches in 8 years. Two were complete yo-yo’s, one hc and one qc were borderline weird. I stayed away.
The third hc was decent. I could criticize some things but she was better than the clowns that came before her. I volunteered, repeatedly. The assistant she had couldn’t hit ground balls, couldn’t throw bp, couldn’t throw wiffle balls in warmups. I had just retired and really wanted to help, and had no interest in being hc, which I made clear. I also said that because I was retired with a pension, I needed no pay so softball could increase staff size. They never considered it, not for one minute.
I never could figure it out. I had been coaching for quite a few years and have had (I think) good relationships with players and coaches past and present. I have skills that have helped every team I coached on, and felt like I could really help with the bottom half of a hs lineup. I had worked with the four best performing hitters that played during that time period and several others that hit hit pretty well. They passed. Whatever. I took a good paying part time job instead and never looked back.
Don’t try to figure out hs softball. There are forces in play that you probably aren’t aware of, and it’s a waste of time and energy worrying about it. Go with the flow and try to enjoy it. Don’t forget that these four years are the only ones you get. And whatever you do, don’t complain about the coaching around your dd. It’s the worst thing you can do. It will affect her performance, and her happiness. Listen to her concerns but don’t pile on. This is really important.
Signed,
Also Annoyed.
I don’t miss hs softball. At all.
Three head coaches in 8 years. Two were complete yo-yo’s, one hc and one qc were borderline weird. I stayed away.
The third hc was decent. I could criticize some things but she was better than the clowns that came before her. I volunteered, repeatedly. The assistant she had couldn’t hit ground balls, couldn’t throw bp, couldn’t throw wiffle balls in warmups. I had just retired and really wanted to help, and had no interest in being hc, which I made clear. I also said that because I was retired with a pension, I needed no pay so softball could increase staff size. They never considered it, not for one minute.
I never could figure it out. I had been coaching for quite a few years and have had (I think) good relationships with players and coaches past and present. I have skills that have helped every team I coached on, and felt like I could really help with the bottom half of a hs lineup. I had worked with the four best performing hitters that played during that time period and several others that hit hit pretty well. They passed. Whatever. I took a good paying part time job instead and never looked back.
Don’t try to figure out hs softball. There are forces in play that you probably aren’t aware of, and it’s a waste of time and energy worrying about it. Go with the flow and try to enjoy it. Don’t forget that these four years are the only ones you get. And whatever you do, don’t complain about the coaching around your dd. It’s the worst thing you can do. It will affect her performance, and her happiness. Listen to her concerns but don’t pile on. This is really important.
Signed,
Also Annoyed.
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there is nothing unreasonable about asking questions, raising concerns, etc. Tell the HC how to run the team, heck no, but communicating concerns, respectfully and rationally, shuold be no issue. if a HC has an issue with this, they are most likely a dipshit of a HC. sometimes a different perspective is useful, and I have even had coaches thanking me for pointing something out that they did not see (they got a lot going on, it is understandable.
I do the official Game Changer for the team. Also I love to watch my kid play. I just don't like my kid getting yelled at when others can do worse and get nothing. I'm sorry if that's dumb of me to want to protect my kid and want fair treatment for all players.
Also when your kid is afraid to talk to the coach about concerns they have - what are they supposed to do? He doesn't exactly give off the vibe that he is someone willing to listen to questions. When he takes her out and subs someone else for her - she said he tells the other player but not her. So she'll go out to her position and then be called back in because he never told her. I've told her to just ask every inning if she's still playing/hitting until maybe he gets it and realizes he should communicate stuff like that with her. She won't because he looks at her like she's an idiot since she should always just know what he is thinking.
I know everyone says HS ball is just something you have to deal with and I really want her to be able to play with her friends. But it hurts me to hear her say that she was really excited for this year because she thought the coach had finally started to respect her some but then stuff like this happens and makes it not fun anymore.
"It's not your job to make every player happy 100% of the time, but it is your job to be supportive of every single one"
I know everyone says HS ball is just something you have to deal with and I really want her to be able to play with her friends. But it hurts me to hear her say that she was really excited for this year because she thought the coach had finally started to respect her some but then stuff like this happens and makes it not fun anymore.
"It's not your job to make every player happy 100% of the time, but it is your job to be supportive of every single one"
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Really bad advice, unless you want your kid to sit because the coach REALLY gets annoyed with her. Most everyone on this board can point to a moment where they believe a coach did their kid wrong. Tell your kid to not worry about a minor butt chewing, deserved or not. Tell her to do her best, be a good team mate, and let her hustle and good play speak for her. Tell her to assume that she's playing every inning and make the coach pull her off the field.
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It was mostly said in jest - she would never do anything like that. But yea - I just want her to do her best and try to have fun. It will always feel like blatant favoritism and she's not a "favorite" so she can only work hard when he plays her.
Coaches have "favorites" for whatever reason, but self-aware coaches do a better job of concealing it. Your DD's coach probably likes her fine as a player...she's in the lineup most of the time, but connects better to others for whatever reason. So what? Enjoy the fact that she's playing, because that will be over pretty soon.
True - both my husband and I get angry about stuff like this and then realize she has it better than a ton of girls on the team. She's playing over 4 seniors and as a sophomore played over the juniors too. I can only imagine what those players' parents feel :/
I guess I'm outta date or old fashioned. Unless theres extenuating circumstances regarding safety or well being of dd then I'm most likely to not call or reach out to the HS coach. Much as I wanted to figure out what coach was thinking at times, I resisted calling him/her.
Now, I did offer dd advice on how to handle certain situations when she brought concerns to me...which wasn't all that often. Part of growing up doesn't mean she has to fly blind...just means at younger ages they havent all developed life skills yet. Let my dd grind through it...its her journey: lows and highs. Fair and very unfair at times. ...
Are there politics involved? Sure. Are there crappy coaches? Yep. Parents that try (and even succeed) at tilting the table in their kids favor? It happens..no doubt. Thats not going away anytime soon..if ever.
At the end of the day...play or don't play. Its supposed to be fun. You can be annoyed, but if you let it consume you then DD will pick up on that and almost certainly will think it sucks too.
Not trying to be preachy or condescending...but sincerely hope you figure out a way to enjoy the experience a bit better. I do believe its a choice.
Now, I did offer dd advice on how to handle certain situations when she brought concerns to me...which wasn't all that often. Part of growing up doesn't mean she has to fly blind...just means at younger ages they havent all developed life skills yet. Let my dd grind through it...its her journey: lows and highs. Fair and very unfair at times. ...
Are there politics involved? Sure. Are there crappy coaches? Yep. Parents that try (and even succeed) at tilting the table in their kids favor? It happens..no doubt. Thats not going away anytime soon..if ever.
At the end of the day...play or don't play. Its supposed to be fun. You can be annoyed, but if you let it consume you then DD will pick up on that and almost certainly will think it sucks too.
Not trying to be preachy or condescending...but sincerely hope you figure out a way to enjoy the experience a bit better. I do believe its a choice.
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