Annoyed

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Dec 2, 2013
3,410
113
Texas
DD's favorite coach was her TB coach who was a top Gold coach in Texas but has since retired. He was hard but fair. I hear that he was much tougher in his younger days. He would take her out of the middle of an inning while catching if he thought she wasn't cutting it and she knew it too. Fast forward to college, her coach would yell during games and practices, but it was never personal. DD told me about girls crying b/c the coach yelled at her. DD had to talk these girls off the ledge during games. These girls had never been yelled at, so they had no idea how to process it. My DD said if I could play for ex TB coach, I can play for anyone. Today she says, I love that man, which surprised me. Those players are no longer on the college team.

Look at this situation as preparation for better things to come. Yes, it sucks in the moment. She will have to deal with worse people in her life and she will have to learn to deal with the HS coach. Positive self talk when coach is a jerk. I belong here. The coach chose me to play here. He believes in me. He is teaching me. He knows I can handle the criticism. I am strong! Let's go, next play, play Ball!
 
Aug 10, 2016
686
63
Georgia
Not trying to be preachy or condescending...but sincerely hope you figure out a way to enjoy the experience a bit better. I do believe its a choice.
We seriously have this pep talk with ourselves everyday! "Ok - we are happy DD is playing..not going to get mad or upset..."

We knew going into HS that she would have to deal with stuff like this. And this is her jr year and we're still making that adjustment. Coming from teams where the coaches loved her (and I guess maybe where she did get favored over others) - to being afraid to even talk to the coach - is difficult.
 
Aug 10, 2016
686
63
Georgia
DD's favorite coach was her TB coach who was a top Gold coach in Texas but has since retired. He was hard but fair. I hear that he was much tougher in his younger days. He would take her out of the middle of an inning while catching if he thought she wasn't cutting it and she knew it too. Fast forward to college, her coach would yell during games and practices, but it was never personal. DD told me about girls crying b/c the coach yelled at her. DD had to talk these girls off the ledge during games. These girls had never been yelled at, so they had no idea how to process it. My DD said if I could play for ex TB coach, I can play for anyone. Today she says, I love that man, which surprised me. Those players are no longer on the college team.

Look at this situation as preparation for better things to come. Yes, it sucks in the moment. She will have to deal with worse people in her life and she will have to learn to deal with the HS coach. Positive self talk when coach is a jerk. I belong here. The coach chose me to play here. He believes in me. He is teaching me. He knows I can handle the criticism. I am strong! Let's go, next play, play Ball!
The issue is that you can coach kids but you need to know what type of coaching the kid responds to. Most coaches only know one way and then get mad if certain kids take it the wrong way. Same with teachers who can't seem to get through some kids. It's not a skill that is easy to learn.

DD gets yelled at by her TB coaches if she isn't hustling but DD loves them. It all depends to on how you talk to your players on and off the field. Positive reinforcement goes a long way too.
 
Oct 5, 2017
214
43
Western Indiana
What are you saying, that a parent shouldn't talk to you about anything about their DD? I don't want to run any team, but I do want the coach to hear my concerns about my DD, or are you like the majority of coaches (especially high school) who says "shut up, or your kid sits on the bench"?

Wow! that is a generalized statement and untrue of most all HS coaches that I have communicated with.
OH! and now I am a real coach in your eyes because I will be coaching a travel team this fall and into summer. So do I have some respect now?
 

radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
Theres a good chance someone else thinks your daughter is a favorite too..
Just perspective.
And this
Dont have to like or even agree with the coach
to learn a valuable skillset from the experience around them coaching.

Aside from that
Hope venting helps in someway
Good luck!
 
Last edited:
Oct 5, 2017
214
43
Western Indiana
I guess I'm outta date or old fashioned. Unless theres extenuating circumstances regarding safety or well being of dd then I'm most likely to not call or reach out to the HS coach. Much as I wanted to figure out what coach was thinking at times, I resisted calling him/her.

Now, I did offer dd advice on how to handle certain situations when she brought concerns to me...which wasn't all that often. Part of growing up doesn't mean she has to fly blind...just means at younger ages they havent all developed life skills yet. Let my dd grind through it...its her journey: lows and highs. Fair and very unfair at times. ...

Are there politics involved? Sure. Are there crappy coaches? Yep. Parents that try (and even succeed) at tilting the table in their kids favor? It happens..no doubt. Thats not going away anytime soon..if ever.

At the end of the day...play or don't play. Its supposed to be fun. You can be annoyed, but if you let it consume you then DD will pick up on that and almost certainly will think it sucks too.

Not trying to be preachy or condescending...but sincerely hope you figure out a way to enjoy the experience a bit better. I do believe its a choice.
There are crappy coaches but there are also delusional parents about the talent level of their child compared to others on the team. No one wants to mention that part that HS coaches have to deal with.
 
Dec 10, 2015
845
63
Chautauqua County
There are crappy coaches but there are also delusional parents about the talent level of their child compared to others on the team. No one wants to mention that part that HS coaches have to deal with.
verb
verb: chuckle; 3rd person present: chuckles; past tense: chuckled; past participle: chuckled; gerund or present participle: chuckling
  1. laugh quietly or inwardly.
    "I chuckled at the astonishment on her face"
  2. noun
    noun: chuckle; plural noun: chuckles
    1. a quiet or suppressed laugh.
      "Melissa gave a chuckle"
 
Jun 6, 2016
2,714
113
Chicago
there is nothing unreasonable about asking questions, raising concerns, etc. Tell the HC how to run the team, heck no, but communicating concerns, respectfully and rationally, shuold be no issue. if a HC has an issue with this, they are most likely a dipshit of a HC. sometimes a different perspective is useful, and I have even had coaches thanking me for pointing something out that they did not see (they got a lot going on, it is understandable.
What kind of "concerns"?

Everything in the OP was about not liking how the coach does the coaching.

I've had parents point things out to me. Maybe 10% of the time it's something useful that I hadn't noticed. But "pointing something out" is a lot different than complaining because DD did something wrong and got yelled at for it.
 
Jun 6, 2016
2,714
113
Chicago
What are you saying, that a parent shouldn't talk to you about anything about their DD? I don't want to run any team, but I do want the coach to hear my concerns about my DD, or are you like the majority of coaches (especially high school) who says "shut up, or your kid sits on the bench"?

Actually, I tell parents I'll discuss anything but playing time with them (I will discuss playing time with the players). There's lots of vague talk about "concerns" being thrown about, but it sure sounds like all those "concerns" are about what position DD plays or where she hits in the order or how much playing time she gets or, the worst of all, how the coach handles other players.

I'll happily talk to parents about health issues. I'll happily talk to parents (if necessary) about any team conflict issues (if it goes beyond the players being able to come to me to handle it). I have, in the past, talked to parents about minor miscommunications where the teenager heard what she wanted to hear.

I have a good relationship with our parents (even some of the annoying ones). Maybe it's because I treat people fairly and would never punish the kid because the parent is a jerk (doesn't mean I always make the right decisions). Maybe it's because they know I'm not just coaching for the non-existent paycheck (they likely don't know it's non-existent). Or maybe it's because I don't have a bunch of parents who think they know the game better than they do.

So, let's get back to it: What kinds of concerns are we talking here? I've never specifically told a parent I won't talk to them about something. I've never had to.
 
Aug 10, 2016
686
63
Georgia
Actually, I tell parents I'll discuss anything but playing time with them (I will discuss playing time with the players). There's lots of vague talk about "concerns" being thrown about, but it sure sounds like all those "concerns" are about what position DD plays or where she hits in the order or how much playing time she gets or, the worst of all, how the coach handles other players.

I'll happily talk to parents about health issues. I'll happily talk to parents (if necessary) about any team conflict issues (if it goes beyond the players being able to come to me to handle it). I have, in the past, talked to parents about minor miscommunications where the teenager heard what she wanted to hear.

I have a good relationship with our parents (even some of the annoying ones). Maybe it's because I treat people fairly and would never punish the kid because the parent is a jerk (doesn't mean I always make the right decisions). Maybe it's because they know I'm not just coaching for the non-existent paycheck (they likely don't know it's non-existent). Or maybe it's because I don't have a bunch of parents who think they know the game better than they do.

So, let's get back to it: What kinds of concerns are we talking here? I've never specifically told a parent I won't talk to them about something. I've never had to.
Maybe it's all good for you and you are a great coach but no - this coach does not treat everyone fairly. And I'm not talking about fairly in terms of playing time. I'm talking about treating them with the same level of respect. All of the girls come to practice and games (where some never play) so they are worthy of respect and to be treated the same.
We have a girl - who starts and is a great player. If she doesn't get a hit, she storms into the dugout - ignores anyone trying to be nice to her. And instead of talking to this girl to try to work on her attitude - instead we get coaches who say - well. You just have to leave her alone - this is how she deals with it? I'm sure I shouldn't care how he handles other players but when they are jerks to their teammates because of it - yes it affects your team morale. Which I would hope the coach actually cares about.

And no - I don't ask the coach about playing time - that should be handled by the players. And I've never brought anything up to him because I'm sure it's just me and it needs to be handled differently. There are things that I question why he does things the way he does - but until there is a real valid reason to ask him about it - I won't. But when the way you coach changes how my kid feels about the sport - it's an issue. You can play what you feel is your best team and "coach" the kids to get better without yelling at them during a play. Could have been handled when they came into the dugout. What is yelling at her on the field going to do - the play has already happened.
 

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