Annoyed

[CoachJD]

I do the official Game Changer for the team. Also I love to watch my kid play. I just don't like my kid getting yelled at when others can do worse and get nothing. I'm sorry if that's dumb of me to want to protect my kid and want fair treatment for all players.

Nothing you described rises to the level of needing protection. You described a single instance of "unfair" treatment, and I can (and did) name a bunch of ways it may not have even been unfair. Or maybe it was. Maybe the coach unevenly applied "discipline" (important to note she suffered no real consequences for her mistake) that one time. Does this happen routinely? You never said.

Do you want fair treatment or do you want exactly equal treatment? Because you've described treatment that's not equal, but I can't say it isn't fair (or correct).

If I have a player who has 5 years experience and a player who is playing for the first time, should a coach address them making the same mistake in the same exact way? Because you seem to think so (and you'd be wrong).

Or what about this: A coach has two players she knows pretty well. They have different personalities. One of them sometimes gets a little lazy and needs the proverbial kick in the backside to get it together. The other will absolutely shut down if she gets yelled at, especially with others around. Should the coach address a mistake from those two players in the same way?

Also when your kid is afraid to talk to the coach about concerns they have - what are they supposed to do? He doesn't exactly give off the vibe that he is someone willing to listen to questions. When he takes her out and subs someone else for her - she said he tells the other player but not her. So she'll go out to her position and then be called back in because he never told her. I've told her to just ask every inning if she's still playing/hitting until maybe he gets it and realizes he should communicate stuff like that with her. She won't because he looks at her like she's an idiot since she should always just know what he is thinking.

I know everyone says HS ball is just something you have to deal with and I really want her to be able to play with her friends. But it hurts me to hear her say that she was really excited for this year because she thought the coach had finally started to respect her some but then stuff like this happens and makes it not fun anymore.

NOW you're hitting on a real issue! It's too bad if the coach is not approachable and doesn't communicate well. I wouldn't call it a red flag, exactly, but it is a failure of that coach. He seems to be missing a key quality needed to be a good coach. That said, I have definitely forgotten to tell the person coming out of the game before. If he does it all the time, or if he specifically does it with your DD only, then maybe there's an issue. Did this happen once? Is it just his way to not tell the person coming out?

I'm looking at everything you've said here, and if getting yelled at one time when she did something wrong and the coach forgetting to tell her she was coming out one time is all it takes for your DD to not have fun anymore, that doesn't say a lot about the coach.

I read all the Terrible Coach threads here. I see some pretty bad, dumb stuff from these coaches. But in this case, you have a kid who gets plenty of playing time who just might not be quite as close to the coach as some other players (but it doesn't actually affect her standing on the team).

Just curious: Does your DD also play on a high level travel team?

 

[CoachJD]

Maybe it's all good for you and you are a great coach but no - this coach does not treat everyone fairly. And I'm not talking about fairly in terms of playing time. I'm talking about treating them with the same level of respect. All of the girls come to practice and games (where some never play) so they are worthy of respect and to be treated the same.
We have a girl - who starts and is a great player. If she doesn't get a hit, she storms into the dugout - ignores anyone trying to be nice to her. And instead of talking to this girl to try to work on her attitude - instead we get coaches who say - well. You just have to leave her alone - this is how she deals with it? I'm sure I shouldn't care how he handles other players but when they are jerks to their teammates because of it - yes it affects your team morale. Which I would hope the coach actually cares about.

Address this a bit in my much longer post, but it seems like this coach is not a great communicator. I can see how that creates a less than ideal experience for everybody. He needs to better understand his players, their personalities, and how to deal with them (or, if he can't, get an AC to do it; I can think of quite a few times where I knew I wasn't equipped to handle a certain situation, but my AC was, so I had her talk to the player).

It's not good if a coach lets one player bring down the whole team. I've seen it. I've been part of it (it was really difficult to try to keep that player's attitude from affecting the whole team. I did not always succeed). But you're still not describing unfair treatment. I don't see a lack of respect, either.

 

[nixxy311]

I know I shouldn't care how he treats the other players but when they can make mistake after mistake and not be yelled at and then others make a mistake where it actually doesn't even really affect the game and do get yelled at - what am I supposed to think. Like I said in my first post - these players had been making errors all game and the one time DD did not hustle over to cover 3B because our infielders made an error - she gets called out for it?

Maybe you're right - maybe he knows he has to handle them differently and he has to talk to them in private. But why would he think that DD isn't deserving of the same treatment? He doesn't know what would help her. And wouldn't you err on the side of more discreet coaching if you aren't sure.

I have no idea what is going on in the dugout with these girls. But I've never heard him yell at one of them but have heard him yell at girls that are not considered his favorites. I'm sorry if my idea of fair treatment is dumb.

Also, she plays on a low A/high B team. The girls he favors play on nationally ranked teams. I get why he favors them more - they are good players but there are 9 players on the field. You can't win games with 2 players.

 

[canyonjoe]

HS is the only time you are stuck playing for the coach or not. You can go to a different TB team or a different college but you either play in HS or you don't. I will say though that if you choose to play you need to give it your all. That includes backing up when you play the OF even if you don't think you should be there. Just because others made mistakes on the play the coach wasn't wrong getting on DD for not backing up.

 

[nixxy311]

For anyone who thinks I'm being unreasonable because DD got yelled at "one" time - believe me - there are other factors involved here. (Again her TB coaches have corrected her/yelled at her before but she handles that fine.) This was just kind of the last straw that made it painfully obvious about the way he coaches and how he feels about certain players. It's been building since last season. We do try our best to deal with it and not involve DD with our own issues. But this is the first year she has talked about some of the ways he handles the players. She rarely talks about this stuff so I know it's affecting her.

 

[bmakj]

What kind of "concerns"?

Everything in the OP was about not liking how the coach does the coaching.

I've had parents point things out to me. Maybe 10% of the time it's something useful that I hadn't noticed. But "pointing something out" is a lot different than complaining because DD did something wrong and got yelled at for it.

some of it seemed like he felt there was a clique with this HC and a few of the girls. to me that is something to be concerned over, even if DD is getting the PT she wants. possibly being in the middle of it he does not see it, in which case mentioning it to him might help the problem, or possibly he realizes and just does not care.

OP did not say coach was an idiot, was wasting teams talents, etc. Team can be performing well, but there can still be issues. these are teenage girls, there can be issues at any time about anything.

 

[flash277]

Actually, I tell parents I'll discuss anything but playing time with them (I will discuss playing time with the players). There's lots of vague talk about "concerns" being thrown about, but it sure sounds like all those "concerns" are about what position DD plays or where she hits in the order or how much playing time she gets or, the worst of all, how the coach handles other players.

I'll happily talk to parents about health issues. I'll happily talk to parents (if necessary) about any team conflict issues (if it goes beyond the players being able to come to me to handle it). I have, in the past, talked to parents about minor miscommunications where the teenager heard what she wanted to hear.

I have a good relationship with our parents (even some of the annoying ones). Maybe it's because I treat people fairly and would never punish the kid because the parent is a jerk (doesn't mean I always make the right decisions). Maybe it's because they know I'm not just coaching for the non-existent paycheck (they likely don't know it's non-existent). Or maybe it's because I don't have a bunch of parents who think they know the game better than they do.

So, let's get back to it: What kinds of concerns are we talking here? I've never specifically told a parent I won't talk to them about something. I've never had to.

Well @CoachJD heres the HS situation DD dealt with last season. She was a junior and played 2B for travel team and .300 hitter playing 18u. The very first day of practice for school team, the coach hit a outfield ball to DD that had DD run into the fence (since the coach hit it over the fence), she got s concussion and was out for 3 weeks and missed first 6 games. When she was cleared to play, I felt the coach never gave her a chance( because she didn’t, she had a couple st bats and one inning in field). She played a freshman at 2B who was a good fielder but not close to batting as DD, she played because she played for the “right” travel team. How would I handled that? Should I have asked the coach why she not playing, should I have shown her DDs GameChanger stats? Mind you, I never watched prsctice, but telling you at beginning of DD crashing into fence, she gives 100% all the time. As you know, for every good coach like you, there is a coach who isn’t good, and that’s who DD has. Oh, and I never said a word to coach all season.

 

[Dandan111]

I didn’t read everything however. Purely what I’ve noticed around here (my area) is TB girls have a hard time with the HS programs. The HS program is part of why you play TB. To get better/ready for something i/e school ball at some level. Going into HS should be treated like a brand new team. Doing your best, trying to make friends and support your team.
Whatever happens your stuck with that same coach so I’d really try to mesh
with the program.
No disrespect as I don’t know all the details. Coach sounds like a jerk but I’m afraid your stuck with him.

 

[kennykozman!!]

I see the mental error versus the physical error in the example. The coach went after the mental error.

If my DD did not back up the play as a LF in HS ball the coach has every right to call her out. I would tell my DD the same thing. Get into the game and be in the right position every time. Take that away from the coach. Maybe I am too old fashioned these days. What excuse is there on this play?

However I agree with the poster that yelling at players during the inning may show some coaching inexperience. Maybe. Depends on the style.
I would prefer the coach address it in between innings but it's his show.

 

[nixxy311]

OP here - of course we had talked to DD about the play from Tuesday after the game. Last night's game - same thing happened - ball got to the outfield on a steal and DD playing LF - you can bet she hustled over to cover - so it worked. While I don't like the way he did it - she probably won't mess it up again

And someone had asked - apparently we do have 2B back up the throws on steals - DD got put in at second after an inning or two and she did go to cover behind 2B on steals. I'm not sure what other teams do but I guess that's what he teaches them.