Advice Needed

[dadofadirtlover]

My DD is a pitcher and desperately wanted to play on the left side of the infield last year. She wasn't good enough in my opinion. But she was close.. She just wasn't good enough to beat out the others who were already in position. Coaches must feel a strong level of comfort with the infield. We took a different approach. We took our DD to a private coach to work on infield. She went 1-2 night a week for 4 months. At the end of the season she was challenging the SS on her team and did play some SS. Come this past summer DD tried out for a new team and made it clear to the HC that when she's not in the circle she wants to play SS. She performed great in tryouts and now is occupying SS at least one of the three Saturday games. The others she is pitching or playing CF.
I think it's critical that our girls go to private coaches. Especially if the coaches on the team are not willing to develop them into different positions.

I think she should at least get some infield work (as every player should) in practice, but your DD wanted a position that she wasn't quite good enough for, yet according to you. So, she took initiative to get better on her own (via PC and extra practice time) and is now good enough because she put in the work and it showed. I can't imagine any coach splitting equal time with 9 positions for everyone. That's just insanity. Last year my DD started the season mostly in the outfield because she was slow and clumsy and it was apparent. She's never played any sport before so I fully expected her to be in the outfield and was happy that she was just out there having fun. She would have been a HUGE liability in the infield even though she had a decent glove and a great arm. No reaction time. No anticipation. No focus. So, when she asked me why the coach was picking on her, I looked her in the eye and said "Sweetie, I love you, but you're not good enough to play anywhere in the infield because you're not athletic enough. When you want to change that, let me know. Until then, stay in the outfield and help your team." She was upset for about an hour. Came back downstairs in practice clothes and said "Ok. Time to get athletic enough". By the end of the season, she was the obvious choice for 1st or 3rd. It wasn't the coach's responsibility to "coach her up" to that spot. It was on HER. If she wanted it, she had to pursue it. Bottom line is if someone is better at a position than your DD and your DD wants that position, you should challenge your DD to do what it takes to get better at that. If it takes 2 months.....6 months.....2 years. If that's HER goal, put it on HER. My DD had a grueling summer to get ready for the fall season. She asked for it (trust me I didn't want the dog days of summer in the high heat). So, when she wanted to have an attitude because she had to re-run her banana turn (or whatever else), I would always tell her the same thing. "We don't have to be out here. We can go home if you want to be mad about putting in work. But, you WILL work if you're out here because YOU have this goal." Fast forward to yesterday, her coach last season saw her and congratulated her on the hard work she put in over the summer and told her to keep going. Then, he said "anytime you need some extra work on 1B, let me know and I'll let you practice with our TB team since they have a retired D1 1B as an AC. She lit up like a christmas tree. Her work. Her credit. Her opportunity. That wouldn't have happened if I said "Hey coach, I know my daughter goes to never never land when the ball is pitched and takes forever to THINK to throw the ball, but she has a decent glove and a good arm and she wants time in the infield." Coach has a job to do. Parents have a job to do. DD has a job to do. If she cares enough, she'll put in the work. If not, she'll stay in OF or change teams.

 

[Fastpitch_Dad]

Nikki, seeing your DD in a less than ideal situation gets us parents very emotional and tunnel vision happens and do crazy things
My advice would be to first decide what your DD wants to focus on and ensure she is getting that from this team. Then let the secondary issues stay secondary in your view of the team and don't get wound so tight about it.

So as a pitcher is she getting the approximate amount of time in a weekend that she should be pitching as the #2? Watch other teams and see if your DD is a #1,2,3 pitcher compared to the entire age group and not just your team.
Personally I have given up second guessing the game time pitching decisions because 10 yr old pitching is unpredictable, so just enjoy watching the kids respond to challenges and smile if they succeed or fail. I just ask the coaches what the plan is so I can make sure DD is ready and let them figure out the magic formula for the tournament.

And when it comes to secondary positions just embrace the challenge and point out the positives of that position. She may be out of position now because it is a weakness but isn't learning to move to the ball in open territory more challenging than 1st base and probably better for her? Work the grounders on your own time and she will be a much better player for it over the long run!!

 

[GunnerShotgun]

Since you use Game Changer what is each pitchers FIP score? Wins/losses and ERA are terrible pitcher stats.

Every pitcher plays first base when they are older. It will be an asset if she learns to play OF. Speed isn't as important in the outfield as it is in baseball. Teach her to get a good jump and catch everything she gets a glove on and she will be fine.

 

[nikkilugi]

Thanks very much for all of the advice, opinions, thoughts and support. I do truly value this board and I think my DH gets tired of hearing, "I just read this on the DF board".

I know this time in her life is going to be crazy with physical and mental changes - we are already starting to see them. She has probably grown 2 inches this summer and is getting leaner (I used to have to buy her adult sm/med uniform pants and I was excited she could fit back into YXL). Soon I think I will be the shortest person in our house and at 5' 7'' I don't think I am particularly short for a woman.

I understand that the coaches have a vision for the team and my dd just doesn't fit in the infield vision they have. It is disappointing but I am constantly telling my dd that it is what it is. The ironic thing is that my dd is actually a pretty good infielder and she has taken lessons - in fact the HC gives lessons on the side and she has been taking fielding lessons from her for months. Then when DD approach the HC in practice (while the AC was listening on) she was told there was no spot for her on the infield. Talk about confusing my dd - especially when she comes to me and says "I have been doing everything HC has told me to do - I don't understand why I am not getting a chance". Well after that I was looking for ways to cut some extra spending and I figured those fielding lessons would have to go since it seemed they weren't a consideration anyway. We are a member of a facility that offers fielding reps classes weekly and during the winter she goes to those - she did last winter and she will this winter as well. We will just pick those up again because they are cheaper.

When my dd plays pitcher - she fields great. There are quite a few hits that come back to the pitcher and my dd can handle those with no problem. Her reflexes are pretty quick (those comebackers scare me to death) - and her throws are accurate. She can field and turn to 2nd and if there is nobody covering that base she can quickly turn to throw to 1st. I am not saying my daughter is quick enough to play SS, however, I would guess that my dd is the only girl on the team that was even taking fielding lessons. She also takes pitching lessons (of course), and weekly hitting lessons (hence why I had to cut something or we would go broke).

My dd hits 4th in the line-up and the HC has made no secret that she thinks my dd is one of the best hitters on the team. She has a high OBP and RBI. My dd did hit a grand slam last season at state so she is capable of big hits. She practices her hitting off a Tanner Tee into a net in our backyard everyday - she also practices her pitching almost every day. We try to get to a diamond at the school at least 3 days a week and we will practice fielding together and I try to hit her pop flys (I HATE hitting pop flys) and ultimately that ends the practice..... because I am hot and sweaty and pissed that I can't hit the ball in her vicinity; and she is hot and sweaty and pissed that she is having to run forward and back and side to side and she struggles to get to the balls.

So my next question is this, when DD gets older and is still pitching, is that it? Do pitchers only pitch and sit the bench when they don't? I mean when they get older older? I am asking because I honestly don't know - I grew up in a rural area that only offered Volleyball, Basketball and Track - with no opportunities for extracurricular sports. I am a basketball girl - that was my specialty.

 

[nikkilugi]

My dd's FIP is 2.796
#1 FIP 2.890
#3 FIP 4.920

Also - I do not score games unless the person who regularly does it is: 1) out of town, 2) has to help base coach or 3) is sick (or sick of scoring). So far I have scored 4 games total. (just full disclosure).

 

[quincy]

As a general rule the pitchers sit more as they get older, there are some very notable exceptions.

If she can hit they will find a spot for her in the lineup.

You are a long way from that still, she should be playing a lot even if she is not pitching.

 

[CoachKevin]

I understand that the coaches have a vision for the team and my dd just doesn't fit in the infield vision they have. It is disappointing but I am constantly telling my dd that it is what it is. The ironic thing is that my dd is actually a pretty good infielder and she has taken lessons - in fact the HC gives lessons on the side and she has been taking fielding lessons from her for months. Then when DD approach the HC in practice (while the AC was listening on) she was told there was no spot for her on the infield. Talk about confusing my dd - especially when she comes to me and says "I have been doing everything HC has told me to do - I don't understand why I am not getting a chance". Well after that I was looking for ways to cut some extra spending and I figured those fielding lessons would have to go since it seemed they weren't a consideration anyway. We are a member of a facility that offers fielding reps classes weekly and during the winter she goes to those - she did last winter and she will this winter as well. We will just pick those up again because they are cheaper.

That would be my #1 RED FLAG.... The HC charges for lessons? So he is willing to take your money for lessons, but not play or practice her? Sorry I would tell him Buh Bye!!!!

 

[Momo'sDad]

DD works hard - she is a pitcher and has worked her way into a solid #2 spot on her team. She switches in outfield with other girls when she isn't pitching. She is not happy with this situation and therefore I am not happy.

The big issue is dd is not happy with being in outfield when not pitching. My dd is a bigger girl - and she also happens to be the slowest girl on the team (fact). What really upsets her the most is that at the end of summer (before tryouts) we were basically told that when she wasn't pitching they wanted to develop her into a first baseman - however the coach did a cya by also saying "no promises".

First up, I like the honesty and humility you've demonstrated here. I promise not to beat you up too badly.

From the outside, it seems to me you're upset about a problem that doesn't really exist. When she's not pitching, she's playing. She's batting 4th in the lineup, because the coach feels she's one of the team's best hitters. And the coach wants to begin developing her at 1B. That all seems very reasonable to me.

At 10u, coaches rarely have the luxury of tailoring their programs to 11-12 kids' specific strengths and needs. They look at who their pitchers are, then fill in the rest of the positions based on anticipated game day performance. Once you leave rec, the "slow kid" doesn't play middle infield. It's great that she's a quick-as-a-cat fielder in the circle, but if the coach has 6-7 other players who are rotating between SS, 2B, and the outfield, there just aren't enough innings to go around. Why? Because on the hand, you make mention of how important opportunities for player development are to you, but then on the other, you make reference to the outcome of a game.

You want development for your player, but you also want your DD's team to win. You're like most every other young TB parent out there and the coaches have that in mind when they're making their lineup and position decisions, because most of them are the same way (although some do care far more about winning than development).

If DD is getting good coaching and plenty of playing time, the situation may actually be better than you think it is. But even though I generally encourage families to find a good fit and to stay with it as long as it remains a good fit, you should feel free to investigate the other options out there, because there could very well be a better opportunity on the horizon for DD. Be diligent in your research and ask tons of questions. Good luck to you.

 

[sluggers]

The big issue is dd is not happy with being in outfield when not pitching.

a) 10YOA girls are unhappy about a lot of things. When she turns 13YOA, she'll be unhappy about a whole host of issues.
b) You put your DD in sports to learn about being a team player. Being a "team player" means she has to do things for the greater good of the team.

When I try to have her work on pop-fly's during our personal practice together (we practice any night the team is not practicing) she gets upset because she is terrible at judging the balls and really can't get to them very fast.

Being fast in the outfield is important. Perhaps more important is being able to read the ball off the bat.

She is probably not watching the ball hit the bat. You need to hit flyballs to her. Tell her to concentrate on seeing the ball hit the bat.

Playing the requires much, much, much more concentration and mental discipline than playing the infield. She has to learn how to stay mentally engaged for each pitch even though she may only get one ball hit to her a game.

This is where another of my problems lies, the coaches only rely on #1 and somehow don't this dd and the other pitcher can come in and do their jobs - am I wrong in thinking this?

Yes, you are wrong. You are getting wrapped up in the success or failure of another girl rather than focusing on your own DD.

How do I address all of these thoughts and feelings?

Repeat after me: She is 10YOA. She is 10YOA.

Keep in mind, my daughter tried to talk to the HC and was told there is no infield spot for her. My dd is 10 and she put herself out there and now she doesn't want to talk about it again.

Uh...your 10YOA DD is making a lot more sense that you are right now.

She has accepted the decision. Leave her alone and let her play.

I know I keep reading that it doesn't matter until 14U, however, if she is miserable will she make it to 14U? If her dad & I are miserable will she make it to 14u?

Get real, please. You are overreacting.

Your DD is going to change dramatically in the next two or three years. Surely, you know her body is going to radically change. When her body matures, *THEN* you can tell if your DD is "good". Until she matures, kiddie sports is just about having fun, learning the game, and enjoying the sunshine.

At 10YOA, my DD#1 was a good softball player--probably like your DD. Not real impressive in the field or with her bat. She was passed over by good teams several times. She ended up an all-conference D1 pitcher.

At 10YOA, my DD#3 was a good, but not great basketball player. There were many other 10YOA girl who could play circles around my DD. My DD was sharing time with the other "weak" players on her team. But, she didn't quit. She kept working and learning the game.

Four years later, my DD#3 is starting on the varsity basketball team. Most of the other girls were struggling to even make the sophomore team. Why? My DD#3 was 6' tall (she would stop growing at 6'4"). The other girls had stopped growing and were 5'4" tall. (DD#3 ended up being on a national championship D3 basketball team.)

The other girls who ended up being 6' tall had quit playing when they were 10YOA...because they didn't want to "struggle" to become better.

So am I wrong in my feelings and should dd and I just suck it up?

You are making a mountain out of a molehill. Your DD is playing, pitching and batting in most games. Most people on this forum would give their right arm for a chance to play "one more baseball/softball" game.

Do I really, really have to do this face to face thing which causes me to hyperventilate and feel like a panic attack is coming on?

If this is the way you react, then perhaps you need to reconsider whether your DD should play sports.

The whole point of travel sports is to put your DD in direct competition against other kids. Your DD will *LOSE* many, many times. She (and you) have to learn how to deal with failure. (When knocked down six times, get up seven.)

My DD#3 (the one who won the D3 national championship) never won anything of any consequence until her team won it all. For 17 years years of playing basketball, she lost *EVERY* big game she played.

You, your husband and your DD have to learn to deal with failure, disappointment and the struggle for excellence. That is the whole point of sports.

 

[nikkilugi]

Sluggers - thanks for the reality check. I do get it - she is 10, almost 11. I hope and pray she has many more years of playing the sport she loves. I also know that I am her Mom - and somehow as her Mom I am supposed to protect her. It is ingrained in every fiber of my being. When she cries and is hurt - I cry and am hurt. When she is sad - I am sad. When she goes to practice I am practicing with her. I am the bucket "mom". I am that gal who buys too many expensive bats and hides them from Dad. I buy her the new glove because she said the old one was hurting her hand. Sometimes I think Dad's and Mom's are just programmed differently. Mom's want to "coddle" and Dad's want to "toughen them up". I know, I know.... I can't coddle her or protect her in sports.

I posted to get this hard feedback and I appreciate it. I know that we should be grateful she is getting playing time. I guess I wanted to find new ways to be able to tell her that because although I can come on here and tell all of you that I am not happy with the situation - I would NEVER ever do that in front of DD. I tell her she has to keep working hard. I make her go out and take pop flys even though both of us hate pop fly practice. I know the way the world works and am trying to prepare her for accepting that maybe when you don't get what you want it is for a damn good reason. And maybe you just need to work harder to get what you want to you have earned it.

I can repeat she is 10yo over and over and over again. But fact is, she is the only child in our house who plays sports and if you read my other posts - this softball thing takes up most all of my time and pretty much all of our money. I can repeat it and repeat it and it still bothers me when it seems that she is getting a bum rap (only my perception of course) while this sport is all encompassing outside of her school and my work. I can also have problems with confrontation and still be the mom who watches her DD play sports, lol.

And you're right - I have my DD on this team because she is no longer the best like she was on her last team. That was our purpose and it has done nothing but good things for her because she is improving exponentially in her pitching especially. The struggle is just hard to watch and right now she doesn't get that there is a purpose behind that struggle.

I mostly think I just needed to get all of my thoughts and feelings off my chest because I know that ultimately she is getting coaching she needs, the competition she deserves, and will have so many opportunities in the future. I know that the people on this board are some of the smartest softball minds out there, even if some are a little snarky at times......