Advice Needed

[GoCaboNow]

Congratualtions to you for working with DD so much. With all the time this sport takes, is awesome that you still put in extra time!!

As a 2005 DD should be playing, and playing 10u, especially, if DD is not happy with her role on the team. You should audition 2005 teams for a better fit. Maybe you find one, or, come to grips that DD likes her current team and will continue to hone her skills to grow her role on the team.

My DD is a late 2005, also on a mostly 2004 team that played 12u fall ball this year and will be 12u next year. I would much prefer she was on a 2005 team but we did not have any close to us to audition. DD really likes her team though. She pitched in 6 of our 8 fall games. She loves her pitching role but when she doesn't pitch she sits, or platoons mostly in the OF. She hates to sit, so I feel your pain! The coaches are trying to divy up the innings of play to try and keep all 11 kids involved and, since she pitches so much, she has to sit more than she likes though she does bat the order.

Sometimes it is just luck of the draw. Numbers game. If the numbers are not in your favor, find where they are, or focus on being happy that you are continuing to work on her development and spending time with DD.

 

[The Maj]

And you're right - I have my DD on this team because she is no longer the best like she was on her last team. That was our purpose and it has done nothing but good things for her because she is improving exponentially in her pitching especially. The struggle is just hard to watch and right now she doesn't get that there is a purpose behind that struggle.

While it may not be the most pleasant thing, at this age, you are doing the right thing by having her "chase" those in front of her... It will keep her hungry and hopefully improving...

One word of caution for you, you are just starting this journey and you already sound like you are at the breaking point. You really need to find some mechanism that will help you not get so wound up that this becomes a unpleasant experience for you and your DD. If you are already at the level I sense here, I can only imagine what you will be like IF you make it through 12U... You are going to see a lot of changes, girls will develop faster than other girls, and life is never going to be fair.... Make this about your DD, encourage her, keep her realistic, help her understand what she has to do to get to where she wants to be, and stay positive yourself... If she continues to work, learns the game, and develops she will get her shot sooner rather than later...

 

[JJsqueeze]

we've all been there Nikki, we have all felt a DD was getting dissed at some point, and truth be told, we don't always make the right decisions for our kids in softball, especially when you first move to TB. So you keep an open mind both about teams fairness and your kid's abilities, try to separate a kid just complaining about not getting what they want from truly unfair treatment, you make changes, you set boundaries for some things, you try to keep fun as a big goal, and then you rinse and repeat. You try not to get wrapped up in it too much, and you try to use team sports as a way to teach life lessons. It can be really hard to separate parental protection instincts from actual unfair treatment, especially if you only have this one team to use as a yardstick.

No one has the answers, you muddle through as best you can and with time you will build enough experience to know intuitively what the right decision is.

 

[JJS]

2 Points:

#1) It is disappointing for me to hear that a coach doesn't practice all the players at both infield and outfield at 10U. Girls need to know as many positions as possible(from practice not necessarily playing time)

#2) 1/3 of the positions are in the outfield. On a 12 person team 50% of the players are playing infield, 25% are playing outfield and the other 25% are watching the other 75% play at any given time. Ask the other 25% sitting the bench what they think about right field, left field and center field. I bet it sounds like a pretty great position to them. I wonder how much your DD would love right field if she sat on the bench and watched someone else play it for 2-3 tournaments.

This whole thing just seems kind of selfish to me.

My advice: Don't talk to your coach. Let it go. From what I've read here you will not come off in a good light. Nothing good can come from you questioning her coaching decisions. Especially when your DD gets to play, pitch and hits in the middle of the lineup.

 

[nikkilugi]

JJS - Duly noted.

This has helped and I am certainly not trying to be selfish - I am sure my daughter is but at 10 who would expect anything different from a young girl? And, frankly, do we fault a girl who wants more if she is working for it? I think my daughter is certainly working for it and it has been mentioned by the HC even that my dd is probably the hardest working girl on the team in terms of practicing outside of mandatory team practices.

Our team carries only 10 girls right now - so the outfield consists of switching up 4 girls inning to inning and it is usually my daughter that sits every other inning with a different girl each game - so overall it is my dd that is sitting the bulk of her time on the bench. Also on our team right now - the #1 pitcher has 27.5 innings pitched this fall, my dd has 15 and the other has 12. Since this is a new experience I am not sure if the numbers are consistent and I will take a look as I can during tournaments to see if other teams seem to pitch their #1 almost double the innings the other pitchers get. I have read time and time again that to get better a pitcher needs mound time. Hopefully that will materialize.

 

[Indiana]

So my next question is this, when DD gets older and is still pitching, is that it? Do pitchers only pitch and sit the bench when they don't? I mean when they get older older? I am asking because I honestly don't know - I grew up in a rural area that only offered Volleyball, Basketball and Track - with no opportunities for extracurricular sports. I am a basketball girl - that was my specialty.

My daughter is a 2016 and played 18U last summer. She is a pitcher and an outfielder. She received a lot of flattering attention from college coaches last summer; they liked the fact that she was both an outfielder and a pitcher. A few coaches watched her pitch and then hung around for the next game to watch her in the outfield. DD is playing high school ball right now (our HS season is in the fall) and the coach has her pitching and playing first base. She plays first base because that is where the coach needs her, but secretly DD HATES first base. She thinks it's boring. Her favorite position is the outfield (more than pitcher, even) - she loves to run and chase down deep fly balls.

I understand your daughter's frustration. The 10U game doesn't see much action in the outfield. First base is actually one of the more exciting positions with a high probability of actually touching the ball each inning. Now that I'm remembering back, a lot of times the outfielders were simply "backups" for the infield. When a ground ball dribbled through the infield the outfielders would scoop it up. So yes, at 10U outfield can be very boring and demoralizing to an ambitious, athletic player.

I know it seems like a huge insurmountable problem right now, but I do agree with Sluggers. Try to take it all in stride, if you can. Looking at it from the coach's point of view, the coach has lots of infielders who are not pitchers. Your daughter is a pitcher - that is her "infield" position. Her secondary is outfield because if the coach played your daughter as an infielder for her secondary, he/she would have lots of angry infielder's parents to contend with. You could watch some college softball games with your daughter - point out the outfielders and the incredible plays they make. My DD's favorite play from right field is to catch the ball on the run and throw out a runner at third or home. You can google "Caitlyn Lowe" - she was one of the best outfielders to play the game. 10U outfield won't be nearly as fun and exciting as it will be later, but by watching some very amazing women play outfield, maybe your daughter will feel better about the position and about herself!

 

[JJsqueeze]

Here is something you can measure against. All teams I have been involved in do a fantastic job of giving reps at friendlies. The inning difference between the 1-3 pitchers is minimal with the #1 getting a few more innings due to relief appearances but the starts are basically equal.

Sitting time is usually evenly divided between about 6 girls with a core of 4-5 that basically only sit an inning here or here to remind them that they are part of a team and to make sure that no one can say that a particular kid never sits.

Then in tournaments pool play is tightened up a bit more but everyone gets to play at least a little. Come bracket time some girls simply do not play at all.

This is kind of the generally accepted playing time deal that is silently made between coaches and parents. If a coach is not doing something close to this, there is a problem of some sort. If a parent is complaining about PT then they better have a reason (look at DDs batting average? it is .350 and she is sitting during bracket play when kid B is hitting .175) or..."I get why my DD only plays outfield in tournaments but what is the harm in giving her reps in friendlies? I want her have a chance to develop other skills"....

Coaches have an obligation to give girls reps in friendlies, in tournaments the gloves come off. YMMV but this is kind of the standard deal in TB. Coaches are not stupid, they realize that if mom and dad are paying money to be on a team then they have to see their kid play and they have to be able to articulate why she isn't when asked. Most get it, some don't. More often than not, issues with playing time that I have seen are parent based and are usually unfounded. The only time I have had a playing time gripe was with a rookie coach who had never run a team. Every veteran coach my girls have played for have made good PT decisions in general.

One other tidbit....if your kid is hitting well then they will find a way to get her in the lineup come tourney time. You can bank on that. If she is not in the lineup come tourney time then the coaches have told you exactly what they think of her REGARDLESS of what they say.

 

[Rambler34]

I totally agree with JJsqueeze above. In friendlies or tourneys that pool play does not seed bracket everyone should get some time. We have thrown five pitchers and caught four girls in these cases and played girls all over the field. it also gave us a look at how girls performed in other positions against high level teams. Once we hit a tourney seeded by pool play or bracket play things change and we go with the best nine at that time.

 

[grcsftbll]

My daughter plays first when she's not pitching and she doesn't like it either. She also thinks it's boring and would rather play short stop.

We have 3 pitchers, mine being the least experienced. The other 2 each have pitched twice as many innings as mine so far. She complained to me that it wasn't fair. I pointed out that we're still having to tell her to cover home with a runner on 3rd, in case the pitch gets by the catcher. In the game she pitched this weekend a girl was safe on a dropped third strike because she forgot that rule (only our second 10U tournament). I told her to stay focused on the game, keep practicing and keep getting better, and she'll get more innings. If you have a good coach, it's true, imo.

 

[KPower]

My DD is a catcher primarily, but does play 1st and outfield as well. Of the 3 positions she likes 1st the least. She is a 12U player and when she isn't catching she loves being in the outfield. She loves making diving catches or over the fence snags - she loves the oohs and aahs when a great play is made in the outfield. Last year we had some struggles because HC picked up another catcher who even he admitted wasn't the best he had, but he caught her almost all the time because he wasn't confident in her abilities anywhere else. That kind of sucked for DD (and for me because I had to watch DD be disappointed over and over again). I do not like confrontation either so I never said a word, and I'm so glad I never did. After one particularly difficult tourney DD came out very frustrated. We didn't talk about the game at all. That evening right before bed she looked me in the eye and told me something very profound (for a 10 year old). She said "Mom, I've decided I am going to play where HC wants me and when HC wants me and I'm going to do it all with my best attitude. If he chooses to sit me I will cheer my teammates on with everything I've got and be the best 'dugout mom' my team has ever seen. And I expect the same attitude out of you for the rest of the season!" I have to say - it shut me up for a second and then I realized - this is exactly what makes her such a coachable kid. That has been the attitude she has taken ever since, and I will tell you, it has gotten her WAY further than complaining ever would have!

I sincerely wish you the best of luck - I know it can be difficult to see our children unhappy and struggling, but sometimes the biggest growth can occur during this time.