Advice Needed

[nikkilugi]

Long time lurker that has posted a couple of times but mostly I just love to read and gain all the knowledge I can from all of the the great minds on this site. I really love getting on and learning new things and, more importantly, being able to laugh about this wonderful (and sometime very frustrating) sport my daughter loves to play.

My dd is 10 (March '05). She played on a 10U team last season and that team moved up to 12U this fall because of some older girls on the team she was on had to move up. There is a mix of girls between 6th, 5th (biggest majority) and even a 4th grader on the team.

Background....I am pretty non-confrontational, mostly because I am very emotional - hey, I can admit my faults. If there is an issue that bothers me I tend to get flustered when I try to discuss it and naturally start to cry. It is not something I am proud of and that is why I mostly just don't engage in discussions about potentially tough topics. It causes me some stress at times and Lime-a-ritas are consumed to take the edge off until I can just let go of my issue and move on. I think my dd has inherited some of my meekness. She is pretty quiet and just the sweetest, kindest girl (most of the time - however hormones are taking over at time and I get the brunt of that).

DD works hard - she is a pitcher and has worked her way into a solid #2 spot on her team. She switches in outfield with other girls when she isn't pitching. She is not happy with this situation and therefore I am not happy. She is fine being #2 - the #1 pitcher is super fast and we understand that the coaches love that about the #1 girl. #1 can strike girls out, however, if a team is hitting they can hit bombs off of her. My dd is a contact pitcher. She has (by far) the lowest pitch count per inning of all pitchers, the lowest walked batters, no hit batters, and just a slightly higher ERA than #1, but my daughter is not as fast as #1. My dd uses a lot of spin and therefore the teams that hit off her rarely get balls past the infield. (FYI - I am an admin for the teams Gamechanger so I have access to the stats to know this info). Again, we understand that she is #2. The #3 is also a good pitcher and probably is still a little faster than my dd, however, she has control issues and a super high ERA with lots of hit batters. If #3 can get her control (nerves) in check then both she and my daughter would be in a battle for #2 I think. (My dd has not lost any game that she has started).

The big issue is dd is not happy with being in outfield when not pitching. My dd is a bigger girl - and she also happens to be the slowest girl on the team (fact). What really upsets her the most is that at the end of summer (before tryouts) we were basically told that when she wasn't pitching they wanted to develop her into a first baseman - however the coach did a cya by also saying "no promises". Then the team held tryouts and recruited a girl that was a first baseman (very tall girl, also slow so not outfield potential either). My daughter has been unhappy so she went to the coach recently and asked if she would get a chance to practice at infield and the coach told her, we have a lot of infielders right now and we need you to play outfield. They don't even let her practice any infield work. Now my dd doesn't want to say anything again since she was shut down like that. She sits the bench switching with other outfielders during the games when she is not pitching and she hates it. When I try to have her work on pop-fly's during our personal practice together (we practice any night the team is not practicing) she gets upset because she is terrible at judging the balls and really can't get to them very fast. My husband and I both sit in the stands praying no balls will come to her during games and I am thinking she is praying the same thing. The one ball that was hit to left during the game was right on the fair line so of course by the time my dd got to it runs had scored (just as predicted because she is slow). I know at this point since the team has an infield (although some girls make crazy bad errors), that if dd doesn't play outfield she will be sitting the bench which frankly is a crappy option for a girl of her talent - and I don't believe any 10 year old should be sitting the bench all the time.

There were other issues during the tournament that I also have thoughts about - like during our 3rd pool game the #3 pitcher started and was pitching. We were winning 6-0 but then the other team found their bats and were hitting off her and she started to get a little erratic and the next thing you know the score is 6-4. The PC for the team went out and switched #3 with #1 and she finished the game and we won 6-4. Now fast forward to bracket game. #1 started (dd warmed up too) and the game was very close. Last inning home team (not us) gets up to bat down by 2 runs. The first girl up hits a single. 2nd girl up is walked. Then another girl is up and now bases are loaded. My question is why leave #1 in when the other team obviously has a bead on her pitches and are making good contact? #1 had very few strike outs that game in fact. This is where another of my problems lies, the coaches only rely on #1 and somehow don't this dd and the other pitcher can come in and do their jobs - am I wrong in thinking this?

How do I address all of these thoughts and feelings? Keep in mind, my daughter tried to talk to the HC and was told there is no infield spot for her. My dd is 10 and she put herself out there and now she doesn't want to talk about it again. I know I keep reading that it doesn't matter until 14U, however, if she is miserable will she make it to 14U? If her dad & I are miserable will she make it to 14u? I am already emotional about the situation, I basically just drop dd off at practices and don't stay to watch anymore because I can't stand to see it all. I know that if I try to address the situation face to face I will cry, hell I am already tearing up writing all this out. How do I help my daughter through this when I feel the same way she does and I honestly don't think the coaches will change their minds about their line up. I like the HC as a person and I think she is an awesome coach and that is why we stayed with the team, however, I think AC and PC have significant influence over HC and my dd is not getting a fair shake. Did I mention #1 is AC's dd and PC's student and when #1 doesn't pitch she plays SS??? Both of the other pitchers are leaner and faster than dd.

I know you all say email is not the way to go but frankly I can't do face to face. My husband also refuses because the whole situation makes him so mad he is afraid he will be a big rear and insult people (you would have to know him but it is probably a truthful statement). So am I wrong in my feelings and should dd and I just suck it up? Should we just finish out fall and then look to see if there are teams looking for spring? Can I write a dang email? Do I really, really have to do this face to face thing which causes me to hyperventilate and feel like a panic attack is coming on?

 

[grcsftbll]

I feel your pain on face to face. When things are potentially confrontational I really prefer email. It's easier to say all I need to say and in a calm manner. I personally would prefer to get an email than have someone approach me face to face because it gives me time to absorb what they have to say and think about my response. Maybe that's not a popular opinion but that is definitely how I feel. I almost always will use email to communicate tricky things like this.

How it'll go just depends on the coach's personality. On our last team we had an unhappy parent. The coach tried to accommodate her, let her daughter "try out" at third base. But the girl was just no there yet, skill wise. The parents ended up leaving the team before the season was over, and really seemed to think the coach was unfair and biased against their daughter. This was not remotely true though. So I think evaluating your expectations would be a good idea too. At the younger ages they often seem to put the less athletic girls in the outfield, even though the ideal outfield probably has very fast girls there, because the hits tend to be more likely to stay in the infield and they need their strongest players there. It might make sense to find a team that is perhaps a little lower down the food chain, that needs a pitcher and first baseman if possible, just depending on how the coach responds. I do think it's reasonable for him to at least let her practice at first since he presented that as an option when you signed on.

 

[quincy]

In 8U I gave DD a choice, I would lobby for her to pitch or for any other specific position she wanted to play. She said she wanted to P so that was the end of that. She will happily play any position as long as she is allowed to pitch every once in a while.

#2 pitcher on DD’s Team was kind of in the same position as you are in, their DD played a lot of RF. I explained it was because she pitched a lot and they were a lot happier.

I know a lot of Teams are not like that but ours was.

I am not sure why they do not let her practice in the IF, I would say something about that. I do not care if she plays IF during the games but she should be getting some reps in the IF during practice.

 

[quincy]

Did I mention #1 is AC's dd and PC's student and when #1 doesn't pitch she plays SS???

I have never heard this before.

 

[BT3100]

My DD is a pitcher and desperately wanted to play on the left side of the infield last year. She wasn't good enough in my opinion. But she was close.. She just wasn't good enough to beat out the others who were already in position. Coaches must feel a strong level of comfort with the infield. We took a different approach. We took our DD to a private coach to work on infield. She went 1-2 night a week for 4 months. At the end of the season she was challenging the SS on her team and did play some SS. Come this past summer DD tried out for a new team and made it clear to the HC that when she's not in the circle she wants to play SS. She performed great in tryouts and now is occupying SS at least one of the three Saturday games. The others she is pitching or playing CF.
I think it's critical that our girls go to private coaches. Especially if the coaches on the team are not willing to develop them into different positions.

 

[Little Angels Softball]

I can't really comment too much without hearing the coach's side of things and without knowing first-hand what is actually going on. I'd just remind you of a few things I've learned over the years:

1. Your perception doesn't necessarily mean it's reality. It might be, but might not be.

2. Some of the most universally unhappy people in fastpitch are the parents of #2 pitchers. Keep this in mind and use it to temper your perceptions.

3. At the younger ages, everyone considers it "being stuck in the outfield" which translates to "the coaches are unfair to my DD." Ironically, some of the very best players will become outfielders by 14U. Enlightened coaches will put them there at 12U.

4. Don't get worked up about stats and errors at 10U. All the girls make errors at 10U and the level of competition varies so widely that stats are almost meaningless for all but the most diligent and impartial analysts.

5. The grass isn't always greener.

The only other thing I'd add is that you need to somehow convey to your DD that she needs to work on her game if she's going to be successful. Simply saying it is OK to "hate it" because it is not the position she (or mom or dad) prefers is probably the single greatest disservice you can do for her. She needs to work on judging fly balls if she wants to get better. The work ethic (or lack thereof) she develops now will follow her throughout her career. What do you (and her) want it to be?

I also believe the coach should allow her to work in the infield at practice. In fact, he should allow everyone to work in the infield at practice (but not in games if that is the coach's decision). It's 10U and nobody should be pigeonholed this early. I think this is the only thing I've really seen here that you have a legitimate beef about and I think you have every right to ask that she gets some infield reps in practice.

 

[Rambler34]

I would hope playing 10U the coaches would give all the kids work in the infield during practice. Every normal practice we will break into two groups. One set goes to the OF to work and the other stays on the IF. After going through all the drills they swap. How often will my left handed DD need to be able to back hand a ball at SS during a game? Pretty much never but she works as much as anyone else during practice to perfect it. She is also expected to know where she should be for cutoffs and bunt coverage. This also helps the girls when they play there normal spot because they have a better understanding of what is going on at all times.

We are a 2nd year 12U team and we have ran our practices this way since 8U. We can swap girls in and out pretty much where ever we need to. Of course you have a #1 SS or 3B because they are the best at that spot but it is nice to know that at any point you can move someone else if needed.

 

[BT3100]

You are right that the coaches should give all of the girls infield work but.... The OP's DD is not as good as the other infielders according to the coaches use or non-use of her in games. I think OP needs to take her DD for additional lessons if she wants to compete for a spot. Just my opinion

 

[gophert]

I would request to keep working on infield during practice and tell your daughter to work on it outside of practice as well. BECAUSE....when you get to 12U and up, if you say your DD is slow, she will NOT be in the outfield, and even more so at 14U.

 

[Coach JV]

Outfield in 10U is boring. Have her continue to work on being the best pitcher she can be.
You didn't mention her hitting, also have her work here. Now stating the obvious; she is
10 years old, she is about to start a rapid physical and mental maturing process. If she truly
loves the game, you are in for a wild ride. This being said, yea, all girls at 10U should have an opportunity
to play IF. Talk to your coaches after you have had time to cool down and reflect. Ask questions of why
different girls get the IF opportunity. If there are 4 coaches and their DD are playing IF then find a team
that is not governed by daddy ball.

Best of luck with the growing pains associated with youth sports!

(I am also sending you a PM)