Help With Playing Time Issues

[BrianMonk]

Quite honestly, if everything is as you describe, I personally wouldn’t say a word. My daughter wouldn’t be present at tryouts either. Too much wasted time for all involved. I’d use that time to:

1 – Research the other teams that are in that 1 hour or so radius
2 – Practice with my daughter
3 - Start lining up a calendar of the different tryout dates/times

Regardless of what the coach said, I wouldn’t be going back, so I wouldn’t ask any questions.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Brian, Yep. I am thinking that they really don't want one of the 2 (parent or DD). It is time to move on.

 

[SoCalSoftballdad]

Welcome to the world of Daddy ball. I wish we had more teams within 30 minutes and I'm sure a few people on here chuckled at that as they drive an hour plus to practice. Good luck but until you are one of the coaches or you go to a team coached by someone with no kid on the team you will always see some of it.

In defense of Dad's who coach, why is it that when we hear of parents who are unhappy with a particular coach who is not playing their DD as much as the parents would expect that somehow its directly attributable to the coaches having daughter's on the team (Daddy Ball)? Are there some self-centered coaches out their who only care about their DD development and playing time? Of course, but more likely the reason for the dissatifaction is that a) their DD is just not as good as the other starters; b) they are less commited to developing there skills especially away from team practice; and/or c) the parents or player has soured the relationship and the coach now is not giving the benefit of the doubt to the players because of all of the history, drama, lack of effort, etc that has taken place over time.

If we eliminated parents from coaching their daughters (sons) we would lose more than 90% of the youth softball / baseball teams since very few "outsiders" would volunteer to coach our kids if they were not personally invested in it.

Very few coaches I know will "keep a player down" or have an agenda against any one player. Sometimes players' parents have very unrealistic expectation of their DDs playing ability and cannot be objective when their DD is not getting as much playing time as the other players. By definition, every team will have some players will be weaker than others on the team and to get more playing time, these weaker player's either have to a) work harder than everyone else to get better or b) they find a team of their peers. Most of the time it is that simple. Let's not be so quick to throw the parent coach under the bus until we all look at our kids more objectively.

 

[Momof#34]

I have nothing against fathers or mothers coaching their kids, I coached rec league for 3 years.... However, I told my daughter from day 1 that if they tell her to do something different from what I have told her then do it their way. I'm not the coach nor do I try to be. I can honestly say we have done nothing to "sour" the relationship, we are active in every fund raising event, we are always there and on time I even help with soft toss at their batting practices..... My daughter does practice outside of organized practices, she also has weekly pitching lessons. I also don't think for one second that she is better than she actually is, I catch her mistakes probably faster than her coaches do lol. As far as researching the other teams that is exactly what I have been doing today I did however send her coach an email for some insight on what she needs to improve on so that we can address the problems, fix them and help her to become an outstanding player whether it's with her current team or another team.

 

[RedBirdDad]

In defense of Dad's who coach, why is it that when we hear of parents who are unhappy with a particular coach who is not playing their DD as much as the parents would expect that somehow its directly attributable to the coaches having daughter's on the team (Daddy Ball)? Are there some self-centered coaches out their who only care about their DD development and playing time? Of course, but more likely the reason for the dissatifaction is that a) their DD is just not as good as the other starters; b) they are less commited to developing there skills especially away from team practice; and/or c) the parents or player has soured the relationship and the coach now is not giving the benefit of the doubt to the players because of all of the history, drama, lack of effort, etc that has taken place over time.

If we eliminated parents from coaching their daughters (sons) we would lose more than 90% of the youth softball / baseball teams since very few "outsiders" would volunteer to coach our kids if they were not personally invested in it.

Very few coaches I know will "keep a player down" or have an agenda against any one player. Sometimes players' parents have very unrealistic expectation of their DDs playing ability and cannot be objective when their DD is not getting as much playing time as the other players. By definition, every team will have some players will be weaker than others on the team and to get more playing time, these weaker player's either have to a) work harder than everyone else to get better or b) they find a team of their peers. Most of the time it is that simple. Let's not be so quick to throw the parent coach under the bus until we all look at our kids more objectively.

While all of that is fine, the problem the OP is having is IMHO directly a result of having 6 positions on the team occupied by the various coach's kids. That only leave three for anyone else and as was stated, those three are outfield.

You mentioned that very few coaches you know will "keep a player down" or have an agenda against any one player. While this as well may be true as written, it misses a big part of reality. When a coach gives a position to one kid (and this teams has six of these) because the kid's dad/mom is a coach, the end result is that another kid is likely kept down. It's not that they are trying to keep one kid down, but by bringing thier DD up it has the same net effect. Sure, some of these six may be deserving, but it's highly unlikely that they all are which brings us to the original problem.

I don't have an issue with a coach who volunteers their time giving their DD a nod over others. When it ends up that 2/3 of the team is like that it's another story entirely. In reality, what this team needs is a few more coaches with daughters so that all involved are being treated fairly. Right now the few extras they have are in essence, financial benefactors, only there to help pay the bills.

Momf#34, I think you should move to another team where only one or two of the positions are rewarded to coach's kids. With seven or eight of nine positions up for grabs, simple math tells you that your DD has a much better chance of getting an opportunity to earn her spot on a level playing field.

 

[SoCalSoftballdad]

While all of that is fine, the problem the OP is having is IMHO directly a result of having 6 positions on the team occupied by the various coach's kids. That only leave three for anyone else and as was stated, those three are outfield.

You mentioned that very few coaches you know will "keep a player down" or have an agenda against any one player. While this as well may be true as written, it misses a big part of reality. When a coach gives a position to one kid (and this teams has six of these) because the kid's dad/mom is a coach, the end result is that another kid is likely kept down. It's not that they are trying to keep one kid down, but by bringing thier DD up it has the same net effect. Sure, some of these six may be deserving, but it's highly unlikely that they all are which brings us to the original problem.

I don't have an issue with a coach who volunteers their time giving their DD a nod over others. When it ends up that 2/3 of the team is like that it's another story entirely. In reality, what this team needs is a few more coaches with daughters so that all involved are being treated fairly. Right now the few extras they have are in essence, financial benefactors, only there to help pay the bills.

Momf#34, I think you should move to another team where only one or two of the positions are rewarded to coach's kids. With seven or eight of nine positions up for grabs, simple math tells you that your DD has a much better chance of getting an opportunity to earn her spot on a level playing field.

I think the OP assumes that because the coaches kids are playing infield that they are only there because their fathers coach the team. Is it possible that they are the better players and that is at least partially the reason they play those more high-profile positions? When he signed up for the team, did he do any research about the team, its history, favoritism, etc.

Right or wrong, IME the dad's who coach are generally the one's that have above average players and have high expectations for their kids development. On average, they spend a lot more time than other parents with their kids on skill development and are always the first players at practice and the last one to leave since their dad is the coach. The coach's kid is also "burdened" with the misperception that they are playing x positon because their dad is the coach. They are an easy target and the work they put it to "win" the position is often overlooked.

On the teams I have coached, I always try to periodically get second and third opinions from my assistant coaches about playing time, line-up, positions, etc. to get a sanity check and to bring more equity and fairness to the process. But at the end of the day, the head coach has to make the tough decisions and some players and their parents) will not be happy with every decision.

Momnof#34 may be right that the team is not fair and the coaches are only looking out for their own kids, but somewhere in the process the communication between him and the coach went terribly wrong. Its unfortunate that the kid is the one to suffer.

 

[Momof#34]

Wait now I give credit where credit is due and yes 4 of the 6 are excellent players!! However the other 2 are far from deserving!! I coached for 3 years and played for 12 years so believe me when I say that my daughter has been the one to be early and stay late, she practices 5/6 days a week and during the winter she is at the local indoor batting cage. What I don't understand is not growing players during pool play in multiple positions!! My daughter is not the only one being treated like this there are 1/2 more players that are in the same boat its just my daughter sees less play than any other player.

 

[shockcoach]

The coach should be batting the roster until they tell him he can't (state/JO tournaments) and getting everyone in the game on defense each game with the free substitution rules. End of story.

 

[Momof#34]

I agree, at this age they need playing time to build and improve on their fundamentals so that they are exceptional players at the age when it's really going to count!!

 

[Lozza]

Very few coaches I know will "keep a player down" or have an agenda against any one player.

I've played DaddyBall. I watched an awesome catcher give up on catcher because the coach's daughter played that position. This girl who never played there was magic at the position. All the parents couldn't believe she never got a game there.

I also had my mum as a coach. I was first base and was initially put there because I was the tallest in the team and had a safe glove. When I went into her A grade's women team I had to fight for the position. I took it off a long time A grade player who moved to shortstop (and this was only after three players went to her and said 'You need to put Lozza at first. If she wasn't your daughter she would be there') This team had a long running tradition that newbies didn't play in the grand final. Me and another girl (both 15) weren't going to play. My mum, under the same pressure from the three senior players, had me bat (I had the highest batting average in the team) I didn't play first, the women who had gone to shortstop (and ended up loving it!) went back there after not playing there all season and another women, who hadn't played short all season, played at short. We lost by one run in the last inning. We had the third out, that was a muffed pop fly at first. I got told by every parent on the other team, if I'd been there we would have won. They were at a loss as to why I wasn't there. Tradition meant nothing to them. (and ironically my grandfather, who had started that tradition, ripped into my mum for doing the same! Said it was a different situation and that I should have been there, and that by sticking to tradition, we lost the GF)

So there are times that being the coach's daughter has a negative impact on the team! I think my experience was the exception to the rule though.