What to do with a 14 yr old

[coach james]

Feel your pain!
For us it started around 12.... good luck its very trying.

 

[Changeupmom]

Mentors mentors mentors. Its natural for teens to pull away from parents. Set her up with positive mentors. These can include coaches, trainers, batting and pitching instructors. Kids can ignore parents because you love them unconditionally, they work for mentors. That way when she's 18, she has lots of people to count on if needed and has begun to build a support network, besides parents. Its all about growing up

 

[obbay]

There's a great special on HBO called "State of Play" (Trophy Kids) where it shows some psychotic parents of child athletes. Unbelievable things come out of these parents mouths. Makes my blood boil...
"Get the kid to buy into your dream..."
Unbelievable.

 

[guero_gordo]

We have evolved over the last year or so to where I only take video and occasionally ask questions. I am not a coach, so the answer to a question never means admitting Dad was right, just focusing her on something her coaches have said.
I still screwed her up with technical questions for a while, but I'm getting smarter and she's getting more resilient.....or maybe she's just getting resilient a lot faster.

I really want her to own her own technique, because she will ultimately have only herself to rely on, and as her hitting coach stresses, there is no guarantee of good coaching at any level.

I've also had to depersonalize the experience, she owns the failures as well as the successes. I used to get embarrassed when she'd make a mistake, and respond with anger until I figured out how dumb that was, and how little I wanted her to pattern behavior after that.

I also agree that mentors are huge, nothing like earning the praise of a woman a$$kicker who has done it at the top levels. No way dad can provide anything like that.

 

[Eric F]

I get a lot more resistance from my 9yo DD than I do my 15yo DD. My little one has been stubborn since her first breath of air. She takes after her mom like that.

 

[obbay]

Thank you all for the input and advice! DD seems to be regaining interest again so perhaps it was one of those teenage mood swings. I also have come to find out if she is having social problems at the time, she's more inclined to resist any input from me. recently when her friends spoke approvingly of me when dissing other coaches, she decided to allow me back into her "inner circle",
I shall expect nothing and hope for the best!

 

[RetiredCoach]

I can sympathize with a lot of the sentiments in this thread and I agree with a lot of the suggestions.

My situation is that I have 12 and 15 year old daughters who both, respectively, are the top pitchers of their age
in their travel ball organization. Their success is due to their talent. Hard work? Not so much. I am trying
to emphasis that they are only going to go so far on their talent and that the girls that work hard will be passing
them by. I read on these boards of how hard other pitchers work 50 weeks a year and many times a week.
My daughters have pitched about a half dozen times since last July.

Anyway, just today I suggested that maybe they should bump it up to pitching twice a week since school softball
practices begin in about two months. They agreed. So, I will set it up. However, they didn't think that they wanted
to work on their hitting, yet.

For myself, I have backed off from a former hardcore version of myself that, I believe, was ruining their enjoyment
of the sport and making them leery of even wanting to practice with me. I realize that the most important thing for
them is to enjoy their time playing softball, which they do, and for us to have a great father-daughter relationship,
which we do as well. My attitude now is I will make suggestions but, essentially, it is up to them as to what they want
to do with their "softball careers". Basically, the motivation has to come from them and, if they want, I am here to
help. I am now a much more relaxed softball parent and much less likely to have to read about my crazy behavior
in this forum, which I consider to be a good thing!