Telling the coach to take a hike...or burning bridges?

[JOHNN]

Tying a note to a water bottle and throwing it into the dugout during the top half of the 7th is how NOT to do this.

What about a brick instead of a water bottle?

(ok ok, just kidding..... depending on the coach obviously)

 

[Eric F]

Here's one way to do it...

Wait until one of the final games of the season, in the biggest and best tournament the team has ever played, with multiple D1 coaches watching (including Patty Gasso!), walk over to the dugout in the middle of an inning, tell your DD to pack up her $#!+, scream at the coaches, and keep yelling as you and your DD leave the field. Even better, get another parent to do it with you, too!

Yes, this happened. Please don't be those people.

 

[mmeece]

On another thread, Razor011 detailed frustration over how DD's team had a favorite 9 and 3 bench players. Part of the coach's "criteria" for getting playing time was game performance. How do you get game performance when coach doesn't put you in the game? Many respondents agreed it was a bad situation and time to move on.
As I read through it, my blood started to boil a little bit and it made me want to tell the coach off, and not be very polite about it. For those of you who have been through an experience like this and left a team, have you explained why you were leaving or even had a few choice words for the coach? Did any listen to what you were saying? Did it get ugly? Do you regret the approach you took? Did it feel great to get it off your chest?

Softball is just too small of a world to burn bridges. The story will be told from the point of view of the coach, and you will gain a reputation of being hard to deal with. I promise, if you play all the way through 18u you will come across the same people over and over. It's awfully nice just to be able to smile and wave across a field and know that there simply isn't anything bad they can (honestly) say about you. Also, you never know where kids or coaches will end up and who they will end up having close ties with. How awful would it be for your kid to lose a scholarship offer from a college coach who formed a close relationship with the coach you "had" to tell off in 14u ball?

 

[canyonjoe]

We left a team once the wrong way. It was the right move for DD but I always have regretted how we did it. The Coach and I got past it but I still to this day fell bad about it.

 

[GoGamecocks]

The (very) high road. I've told this story elsewhere here, so you might be getting a second dose.

Daughter decided to quit. We already had at least one team lined up for next year. She was injured and when she got better, they didn't return her to the lineup even in showcases. Furthermore, they NEVER spoke to her about it. So we decided to quit on a Friday after two tournament games. But it turned out our squad of 15 girls would be cut to 12 the following day because three girls would be out for the ACT.

So my daughter came to me and said "Dad - I think we should wait until tomorrow, because they'll only have 11 players if I quit today." I praised my daughter for that very mature decision and that's what we did. The following game, my daughter sat the first game and played a tiny bit in the second game before she was taken out when the ACT girls showed up. Here is the entirety of my "talk" with the coaches:

We were going to do this yesterday, but [daughter] decided we should wait until today because you were short-handed. This is it for us. [Daughter] isn't having fun, and her choices are to quit softball or move on. We're picking up with another team next week, and then we're joining another team.

I asked my daughter if she had anything to add, and she said "I love this team" and I got choked up. The coaches said something about "wishing you the best" and "I hope you get the playing time you want" but I didn't really listen. The whole conversation start to finish took about 30 seconds

 

[_MIA_]

Here's one way to do it...

Wait until one of the final games of the season, in the biggest and best tournament the team has ever played, with multiple D1 coaches watching (including Patty Gasso!), walk over to the dugout in the middle of an inning, tell your DD to pack up her $#!+, scream at the coaches, and keep yelling as you and your DD leave the field. Even better, get another parent to do it with you, too!

Yes, this happened. Please don't be those people.

We had this happen, minus the biggest tournament they ever played and Patti Gasso being there. The kid was a catcher and not a good one and the only other catcher we had was a pickup without the uniform the rest of the team was wearing. I told the coaches after the game they should have told the father to have his kid take off her uniform so the other catcher could wear it..

 

[JumboJack]

I started a post about an abusive coach that turned into an eight page discussion. We left the team with no fanfare but I really, really wanted to tell him off.

 

[marriard]

Softball is a small, small world. This cannot be emphasized enough.

Totally agree. I will also add that is a HIGHLY gossipy world as well. Everyone knows everyone's business - and FAST.

You WILL see and interact with everyone you leave behind in one way or another as you move through the age groups. You don't know what circumstances may change in the future; DD has teammates join her in HS-age teams that were on teams she was back on in 8U. In high school I was in a parent group with someone I have SEVERE issues with that could have boiled over in 10U if I hadn't walked away.

Take the high road, move on and don't look back. Don't say bad things about your old situations. Go find what your family needs.

I will also say; I have had quite a few 10U/12U parents and coaches who over the years transitioned into 'getting it' as their kid grew older. That has been a rare but pleasant surprise when it happens. You just never know.

 

[MadBandit22]

Practice time should determine game playing time. During the game then you can make adjustments based on game performance.
You should always be honest and upfront about your DD’s standing on the team.
You also have to be realistic. Is your DD really an upgrade from the starting 9 or are you just upset because your not seeing much return on investment?
Be honest with yourself and evaluate your DD’s skill set from a coach’s perspective not a parents perspective.
I currently have two two just turned 15yr olds playing on same 18U team.
One DD is the best player on the team pitching, fielding, hitting, throwing. She plays every inning of every game.
2nd DD was taken as a favor to me because coach really wanted 1st DD.
She is a “reserve” player but practices with the team and does everything they do.
In 4 tournaments she hasn’t played the field yet. She had one at bat and lined-out to 2nd on a nice giving play by 2nd baseperson. She pinch ran for pitcher one time as well.
She is in the lower 3rd skill wise but isn’t the worst player on the team. She is actually becoming a good hitter.
My intention was to have her get some quality practice time and earn any playing time she might receive by beating other girls out.
Honestly I would have her as DP and bat only for the most part. Maybe play a little OF, 2nd or catch in a blowout win/loss.
Bottom line you have know your DD’s talent level and be realistic with playing time expectations.
Coaches recently told me DD #2 is at every practice, can tell she is working with me because she is improving in all facets of her game, is working hard at practices, and they will play her more in our last two tournaments.
That’s really all you can expect. Good coaches that see progress being made and reward the hard work.

 

[uncdrew]

Softball is a small, small world. This cannot be emphasized enough.

So true. I know a family that is banned from about 6 organizations based on their actions towards one coaching staff.

Small, small, small world. Be a good person.