Telling the coach to take a hike...or burning bridges?

[Northball]

On another thread, Razor011 detailed frustration over how DD's team had a favorite 9 and 3 bench players. Part of the coach's "criteria" for getting playing time was game performance. How do you get game performance when coach doesn't put you in the game? Many respondents agreed it was a bad situation and time to move on.
As I read through it, my blood started to boil a little bit and it made me want to tell the coach off, and not be very polite about it. For those of you who have been through an experience like this and left a team, have you explained why you were leaving or even had a few choice words for the coach? Did any listen to what you were saying? Did it get ugly? Do you regret the approach you took? Did it feel great to get it off your chest?

 

[BT3100]

In our case we took the high road.
I think in hindsight that was the right thing to do. I'm still friends with DDs old coach and he is now one of her biggest fans.
Many times coaches can't see potential in players and many have no idea the size of their heart.
Smile, thank them for the opportunity and walk.

 

[wconn1979]

We were in a similar situation. We just said we enjoyed playing with the team, but we are leaving to seek other opportunities. The coach wasn't upset because he had our DD marked as one of his players to cut if he could find a better player. We tried out with some new teams and she earned a starting spot on 3rd and loves her new team.

 

[YOCOACH]

Here's the problem as I see it from the other side as a coach. This year, I had 12 players on the team. Every weekend the starting 9 for bracket play on Sunday was solely determined by game performance (BA and OBP) in Saturday's pool games. All 12 batted and played as much to equal time as possible during pool play games and everyone had a new opportunity every weekend to make the starting 9. Unfortunately, it happened to be the same starting 9 every weekend with the exception of 1 tournament. Why? Because the top 9 worked their butts off at the game year round while the bottom 3 treated it like rec ball, never came to practice to learn the right mechanics/techniques and never worked on their game at all until the season restarted at the end of May. The bottom 3 just can't compete at the same level as my top 9.

Now, I'm not saying that this is the case for anyone here but I wonder to myself if that particular player was simply outworked. If they weren't, then they were working on the wrong mechanics for Hitting, throwing, fielding, etc. and making the situation worse instead of better. Either way, they still can't compete against girls that are much better than them at the game. So every time I hear people complaining about situations like this, I always take it not with a grain of salt, but with the entire salt shaker.

 

[joe720]

My DD left a team for that reason. Coach had it out for her, which was silly when it's an 11 YO. She was arguably one of the best kids on the team as well (i am real hard on my kid and don't give accolades so not looking through a parents eyes, just talent). DD was very frustrated but i had her play out her commitment then we moved along. Got a VM from the coach that summer asking why we weren't at tryouts and saying there was a spot for her on the team. Needless to say there was no call back and we moved along.

Burning bridges in a small community (right or wrong) doesn't do you any good in the long run. I painted it to DD as a life lesson. Sometimes if you are better than other people, they still will pass you by for a multitude of reasons. Be it parent lobbying, or whatever.

 

[chinamigarden]

On another thread, Razor011 detailed frustration over how DD's team had a favorite 9 and 3 bench players. Part of the coach's "criteria" for getting playing time was game performance. How do you get game performance when coach doesn't put you in the game? Many respondents agreed it was a bad situation and time to move on.
As I read through it, my blood started to boil a little bit and it made me want to tell the coach off, and not be very polite about it. For those of you who have been through an experience like this and left a team, have you explained why you were leaving or even had a few choice words for the coach? Did any listen to what you were saying? Did it get ugly? Do you regret the approach you took? Did it feel great to get it off your chest?

Unfortunately when the story gets told (and told and told) the parent’s reputation will be tarnished, not the coach’s. You have to ask yourself. Will this help my DD in the future, or will it just make me feel good in the moment.

if it takes more then 60 seconds to have the conversation when leaving the team, you are saying too much.

 

[texasck1]

DD was in a situation similar to Razor011. We chose the high road also, but the 1st time we played them at a tournament with our new team, DD shut down their small ball game (only game they had) from 3rd base (where old coach wouldn't give her a chance). It was a sweet victory. Nothing can beat that.

Because we took the high road and softball is a really tiny world, we are still friendly with old coach. However, every time we run into him at a tournament, always find a way to bring up that game. DD just grins every time.

 

[Westwind]

Softball is a small, small world. This cannot be emphasized enough.

Tell the coach that your daughter won’t be returning. It is a tough phone call to make but it has to be done. Be direct, tell them what you are doing and if you have to give a “why” don’t go down that road other than a very general “looking for a different opportunity” type statement. If you mess up and say the wrong thing, no one will EVER forget what “why“ you said in the heat of a stressful moment. Tell them you appreciate everything the coach has done. I guarantee that coach thinks they did their best for your dd whether it’s true or not.

Parents have to try to do what’s best for their daughter. No one can blame them for it.

DD left two teams that we had no real complaints about other than she wanted to play better competition and/or play in front of a different group of college coaches. It sucked both times. Short term pain resulted in long term gain though. I’m still personal friends with both coaches, a bunch of parents and dd subbed with one of those teams last weekend.

I know you are in a little different position in that you do have a specific situation you want to change- that’s why it’s even more important to leave with your head held high and not burning bridges. Some times a change of chemistry is what is needed for growth of your player. I would also make sure you go to a team where your player still has to compete for a spot on the field. Player growth occurs when the player is out of their comfort zone.

 

[_MIA_]

Of course the answer is don't burn a bridge hence if DD is ever in this situation I will have my DW talk to the coach

 

[Westwind]

Tying a note to a water bottle and throwing it into the dugout during the top half of the 7th is how NOT to do this.