Sometimes, You’re a Loser by Amanda Scarborough

[Eric F]

Looking back, I believe I failed them as a HC because I didn't let them fail or feel the sting of losing over those many years. I am not sure I didn't help rob them of the true joy of competing. I don't think I prepared them to NOT be afraid of losing...

It seems to me there needs to be a balance - especially in rec ball. For a lot of rec ball kids, just being out on the field and having fun with friends IS the important thing. Those are happy memories that will stay with them forever, and that's not a bad thing for a lot of kids. Learning how to feel good about themselves - win or lose - can be a very important lesson. Most of all, I think it's about understanding the kids on your team and what drives them individually. Some respond to pressure. Some wilt and crawl into a hole.

 

[FP26]

From 5 until 13 these girls were in an environment whereby they never had any real pressure of winning or losing, trying out or getting cut, failing and having to rebound. When Rec ended, they were not prepared to even attempt the next level, because they were afraid to try out.

Looking back, I believe I failed them as a HC because I didn't let them fail or feel the sting of losing over those many years. I am not sure I didn't help rob them of the true joy of competing. I don't think I prepared them to NOT be afraid of losing...

IMO you did everything a good rec ball coach should do. TB is always an option and those families could have had their DDs try out for TB teams anytime they wanted to. If they chose not to, I suspect that they were happy with the situation as it was and were not looking for anything more. I don't think they gave up softball because of you. I think they gave up softball because it wasn't what they wanted to do.

 

[RetiredCoach]

I agree with fastpitch26 that you did everything a good rec ball coach should do. You provided what,
I assume, was what they wanted. A fun experience playing with their friends. I commend you for
that!

My daughters' serious sport is softball. They also play tennis. They love playing tennis but they don't
take it serious--and maybe have more fun at it because they don't. They have fun with their friends
and play some tennis. A great way to spend an afternoon!

 

[Eric F]

IMO you did everything a good rec ball coach should do. TB is always an option and those families could have had their DDs try out for TB teams anytime they wanted to. If they chose not to, I suspect that they were happy with the situation as it was and were not looking for anything more. I don't think they gave up softball because of you. I think they gave up softball because it wasn't what they wanted to do.

Agreed.

TB isn't for everyone. Sometimes it's not about whether or not the kid is scared or unprepared to compete at that level, but about the family not being ready/willing/able to commit to that lifestyle. My DD is headed down a path that could easily lead to playing TB. However, my wife and I aren't willing to take on that kind of all-consuming lifestyle. All-Stars is enough of a taste for us. Thankfully, my DD is on the same page. She wants to have time to ride her bike, have sleepovers with her friends, veg out in front of the TV once in a while, etc. etc. My tune - and hers - may change in the years to come, but right now, just being a kid is as important as being awesome at softball.

 

[amandascarborough]

Thanks for sharing my post!

 

[nanotech14]

Thanks for sharing my post!

Welcome to the madness

 

[Eric F]

Thanks for sharing my post!

Welcome to the madness

What he said ^

I hope you pop in once in a while and offer some input to our little community.

 

[amandascarborough]

The article has some good points, but frankly I think it's kinda trite.

I still have a trophy from 1974 when my 10U basketball team finished second in a THREE-team league, which makes me laugh thinking back on it. Not only that, but we got them, as I recall, because we were jealous that the head coach of the first-place team bought trophies for his players. They brought them to school and were showing them off. So the coach - what a pansy he must've been - decided to give us trophies because he said we were champions in his heart.

I still enjoy thinking back on that story. I figure I had a coach who cared about us and wanted us to have fun with basketball. It's just a game, and we had good times playing together that season. Have a trophy. See you next season.

Glad I had a coach when I was 10 who didn't take himself and the game so seriously that he felt it was his duty to teach some life-changing lesson about winners and losers in the world.

Then again, maybe if I didn't get that trophy I would've been a better person in the long run. Guess I'll never know.

I think it's awesome that you played for a coach who believed in you and who made the sport fun and be champions in his heart. We will all remember those coaches who made/make us feel amazing about ourselves. Your comment about finishing 2nd in a 3-team league made me smile, as I feel most of us have been there and done that.

My main point in writing this blog was not at all to be "trite," for if you know me, you know I am far from it. The main objective was to reflect back on a major point in sports that we learn from failures, and failures make us stronger. I love to have fun, I think sports are so much fun. What's even more FUN, to me, is working really, really, really hard at something, and then it paying off with your own form of success, which can be winning. However, everyone's form of success is measured differently.

Working with young kids, myself, I want them to have fun and enjoy the sport, without a doubt. However, the life lessons we can learn from softball stay with us much longer after sports are done, as you still remember your trophy. There are different lessons that click with different players and different ways of learning. When I am blogging, I am not blogging from a "one size fits all perspective." I blog about my own experiences and lessons that I have learned from competing and coaching at a high level in a sport.

Thanks for sharing your opinion, as I still continue to learn and grow as a coach. In the end, it's all about having fun and letting sports serve as an outlet for real life. There definitely is a wrong and a right way to promote/encourage winning and dealing with losing. It will be subjective for different ages and different levels of play. Hopefully most coaches out there stay positive with their teams and learn to win AND lose graciously, as that is a life lesson in itself.

 

[amandascarborough]

What he said ^

I hope you pop in once in a while and offer some input to our little community.

Yes! I think that could be fun!

 

[canyonjoe]

Knightsb

I think you did everything a rec coach could possibly do. We played for a guy who was a great rec coach from 7-10 spring and fall. He made it fun, we learned to play. We had a some good players who could have been good TB players and some that loved to play for the 5-6 week season but did other things. I certainly helped my DD play, but I give him all the credit for making the game fun while learning at the same time. His goal as a coach was to some day have a player play for the local HS. I'm hoping my DD is the one that makes if for him.