Sometimes, You’re a Loser by Amanda Scarborough

[Doug Romrell]

Kids should be taught to succeed and not be ashamed of it when they do. They should not be rewarded for failing, but rather should be prompted to hold there heads up and continue to pursue success. Sometimes success is more in the journey than the finish line. That's my opinion.

 

[Indiana]

One thing that I've gained from a lifetime of sport is the feeling of accomplishment from learning new things. I love taking up new sports at the novice level - I get to meet lots of adult athletes, many of whom were very accomplished in their college sports. But there we all are, learning something new in our 40s. My newest endeavor is figure skating. (what else is there to do in Colorado in the winter? Ski, yes, but the traffic is awful). So - the first big milestone is the ability to skate along and change edges. Outside skate blade edge, inside edge. Outside, inside, left foot, right foot. If you do that, guess what? You get a trophy. Yes, the 8 year olds in the middle of the ice are doing twirls and spins but darn it, I am PROUD of my trophy Ya gotta start somewhere - I don't really like the idea of participation trophies, either, but it's all in the perspective of the player.

 

[FP26]

I think that it is about playing the game. Playing to win and having fun either way. Some softball
coaches egos are apparently so fragile that they do things like play an "A" team at the "B" level. Dump
or not play long time team members when someone better comes along. When you do that are you
really a winner?

I like this quote. It is not always about winning. Of course that is typically the goal, but sometimes I am just as proud of our team when I know they put everything into a game and still came up short. I remember one tournament; on Saturday we played a team that we really had no business playing. It showed in the score - mercy rule after 3 innings. You could tell our players were disappointed, head's down and all. We had a good conversation and gave them a pep talk. We played the same team Sunday morning and went the distance. We still lost, but only by 2 runs. I was as proud of the team for that loss as I was after any win we had the entire summer.

 

[Doug Romrell]

Everyone knows how to feel when they win. What bothers me is when my girls don't seem all that troubled when they lose. I want them to be genuinely disappointed with losing. Why? Because THAT makes winning seem so much more like SUCCESS!

 

[starsnuffer]

I loathe the act of rewarding for participation, or coddling those who simply show up. Teaching how to loose, and how to win, are very important. I like the content of her message that encourages competition through every level of the game with the idea that we learn from failure.

-W

 

[Doug Romrell]

Teaching how to lose, and how to win, is a VERY IMPORTANT LIFE LESSON. Competitive softball is one of many places kids can learn these important life lessons.

 

[knightsb]

A different perspective:

I coached my DDs Rec team from the time she was 5 until she was 13. Same Rec league, same group of neighborhood girls.

I can't tell you how much time and effort I put into my excel spreadsheets making sure, from game to game, that each and every girl had the same amount of playing time, the same amount of infield and outfield opportunities. I spent a lot of time, energy, and money trying to create an environment that promoted the love of the game. I made sure practices had a fun element to them, we would play games to try and promote skills development. Whether we won or lost, always a positive post game speech. I would take the team out for Ice Cream after the game win or lose.

I can tell you, with all honesty, that I did everything I could think of to nurture the love of softball in those girls. The truth is, the majority of the girls played because their parents signed them up and then continued playing for the social aspect and not for the love of the game or the love of competition (my fault?).

Our Rec league only went up to 14U, so when it came time to transition from Rec to TB, I decided not to be a HC. Part of the reason I decided not to be the HC was I was tired of putting forth so much personal time and effort towards players and parents that didn't invest any time outside of practices that I ran to work on skills development. All but 3 of those Rec players were afraid to try-out for a TB team, and simply gave up the sport. I had to coerce my DD into trying out for a team.

Out of the 12 girls I had on that rec team, only two are still playing softball today.

If you are still with me, I'll try to get to the point... From 5 until 13 these girls were in an environment whereby they never had any real pressure of winning or losing, trying out or getting cut, failing and having to rebound. When Rec ended, they were not prepared to even attempt the next level, because they were afraid to try out.

Looking back, I believe I failed them as a HC because I didn't let them fail or feel the sting of losing over those many years. I am not sure I didn't help rob them of the true joy of competing. I don't think I prepared them to NOT be afraid of losing...

 

[canyonjoe]

Most successful people are competitive. If I'm playing horseshoes, basketball, or even a board game, I'm going to do everything within the rules to win that game. In my opinion youth sports needs to teach that you should compete on every play in every game no matter what.

I like to watch games at tournaments and see who the winners are.

To me the kids who is diving for a ball or running hard on a ground out to the pitcher when the team is down 10 runs is the one who will be successful.

The kids that doesn't try hard when they outclass another team might get a nice trophy, but are they really a winner?

I know our team has felt better after losing a close game to a great team versus winning 15-0 against an outclassed opponent.

 

[Slappers]

Glad I had a coach when I was 10 who didn't take himself and the game so seriously that he felt it was his duty to teach some life-changing lesson about winners and losers in the world.

We are more than coaches. We are mentors, confidantes, listeners, teachers etc. I believe a lot of life lessons are learned through playing sports and we have the responsibility to our youth that we are involved with to teach them life lessons through sports.

Kids look up to us and we have a responsibility to guide them.

 

[CoogansBluff]

We are more than coaches. We are mentors, confidantes, listeners, teachers etc. I believe a lot of life lessons are learned through playing sports and we have the responsibility to our youth that we are involved with to teach them life lessons through sports.

Kids look up to us and we have a responsibility to guide them.

I agree. My quote was a commentary on how one particular coach handled one particular situation. Of course we learn through playing sports. Of course we learn from good coaches and mentors. But many coaches take themselves way too seriously in that pursuit. We act like if we give a participation trophy that we've scarred kids for life. There's not always some deep meaning or growth opportunity in every outcome of a youth sports contest. The failure to be upset at losing a 10U softball game does not predict a person's passion for life and success as an adult. We don't necessarily need to ''fix'' that. It is not essential that kids love winning and hate losing and learn to be ultra-competitive in everything they do. I'm sure there is such a thing as lavishing too much praise and reward, but kids also don't need to be judged and corrected and coached and led through every thing they do. Some coaches need to back off and let them think and feel and figure out who they want to be for themselves.