Sharing info with parents? When and how much

[Coach JV]

As a coach, how much 'inside' info do you share with parents? When you see them outside of practice, games etc. and they pepper you with questions, are you vague and polite? Parents, what do you want to know, that you can't learn from talking to DD or observing in practice? As a coach, I do not want to offend you, but please don't come to me with the week's gossip from the bleachers. Personally, I am brief and vague at best, I never discuss team issues etc., why do parents constantly want to pry?

I have friends whose DD started playing travel this year, she has gone from the kid with potential, to a very good player in the last few months. Mom and dad are supportive but I get the feeling they do not like the fact that I don't share info that I deem off-limits. As a parent, I always respect the coach's decisions etc., why is there always a group of parents that will not show me the same respect as I show the soccer coach etc.

 

[SnocatzDad]

Can you be more specific? If a parent asked me about batting statistics I would be willing to discuss with them privately how their kid was doing, but not discuss how that compares on the team and not discuss any other kid on the team. Not sure what other info I would know as a coach that they would want to know. Sure they could get the info from their kid, but my kid never remembers the details a parent wants to hear. Not going to discuss future playing positions or batting order. Never going to discuss another kid's status with them.

sample conversation with my kid during HS swim season
ME: "How did you swim?"
DD: "Good"
ME: "what times did you get?"
DD: "Ummmm.... I don't remember."
ME: "Thanks for being so informative. I'll check with the coach. "

 

[absdad]

IMO it's no different than the boss-employee relationship. You might be friends outside of work, but you don't discuss other business.

As a coach I would expect both good and bad constructive conversation about my dd. I don't wanna know about the other kids. Maybe I do, but it's none of my bees wax.

Just be professional and let them know you can't discuss that with them. As a coach, if you were to discuss other kids to me, I would have to assume you're discussing my dd to other parents.

 

[sluggers]

As far as information about their DD, you should answer every question about her completely and honestly. I would expect the same from my DD's doctor, teacher, dentist--everyone.

As to gossip...as to girls beside their DD, say only good things--everything positive, everything good. If there are problems, don't tell the parents. It isn't their business.

 

[mudbug]

Im not sure what you mean by "inside" info either What secretive info is there you want to keep to yourself?

Goes without saying you should never discuss other kids performance, except maybe in a general complimenting way. Maybe that is what you refer to as inside info.

Parents are an integral part of the team, not just a mechanism to get DD to practice and tournaments.

If they would like to discuss their own DD performance, strengths, weaknesses, and how she can possibly improve that is fine too in private, and should be expected. If they want to know how you think she stacks up against the team average, that is fine too in private, honesty is the policy. However , fair and clear thinking people can usually see that for themselves. If they have to ask, they may get upset if told DD is in the shallow end of the skills pool, but again, they do have a right to know.

The only thing is to require respect in any such discussion, or else DD will sit out the next tournament, or can turn her uniforms in.

Conflicts arise from lack of honesty and transparency, and when people have unrealistic expectations. Most can be headed off by open dialogue.

 

[JC heir]

I like to start my year with a parent/player meeting where I lay the groundwork for parents & players alike. I flat tell the parents that I will gladly discuss their dd's skill level & what she needs to be working on for more playing time or prefferred position, but that I will refuse to discuss other players, team issues etc. Its also a good time to get the whole playing time issue out in the open so everyone involved knows playing time is earned not given (travel ball). I also tell the parents that from a coaching standpoint, I am willing to listen to suggestions, but not to have high expectations of change, and that certainly the 7th inning of a tie game is a poor time for suggestions.

 

[mad hornet]

I like to start my year with a parent/player meeting where I lay the groundwork for parents & players alike. I flat tell the parents that I will gladly discuss their dd's skill level & what she needs to be working on for more playing time or prefferred position, but that I will refuse to discuss other players, team issues etc. Its also a good time to get the whole playing time issue out in the open so everyone involved knows playing time is earned not given (travel ball). I also tell the parents that from a coaching standpoint, I am willing to listen to suggestions, but not to have high expectations of change, and that certainly the 7th inning of a tie game is a poor time for suggestions.

I'm with you. I've seen a lot of drama that could have been avoided with a parent meeting in which the coach explains all the expectations for the coming year.

Foregoing the parent meeting is like skipping warm-ups and stretching and going straight to practice.

 

[rowdy]

Too many coaches will not share anything with their teams. Parents not only have the right, but you have an obligation to keep them in the loop with regard to the team news. I would also agree that when discussing opportunities with individuals you use great descretion just like you would with someone at work. Most parents invest a great deal of money and most information I am asked for is related to budgeting or planning.

 

[Coach JV]

Perfect example happened this weekend. We had a mandatory team function, a couple of girls did not show, had no excuse. The other parents questioned their absence and how their playing time might be affected. These were asked during the team/parent meeting at the end of practice. I simply told them that personnel decisions are the responsibility of the coaches. I understand their frustration as girls are fighting for positions

 

[PA SB Dad]

Perfect example happened this weekend. We had a mandatory team function, a couple of girls did not show, had no excuse. The other parents questioned their absence and how their playing time might be affected. These were asked during the team/parent meeting at the end of practice. I simply told them that personnel decisions are the responsibility of the coaches. I understand their frustration as girls are fighting for positions

I don't think it is the business of ANY parent how other girls' playing time is affected or not because of an absence. The head coach, fair or not, decides playing time. My dd makes every practice and some girls don't. However, I don't expect that she is going to get playing time ahead of another girl until her on-field performance improves, not just her attendance. Attendance at practice is the means for her to improve her skills. If the other players are consistently missing practices, it will show in their performance relative to my dd's. A good coach will recognize and reward that. If playing time was awarded solely on the basis of attendance, we would play some pretty sorry games. Parents have no business bringing something like this up with the coach, it is petty and it tears a team apart.