Player punished for parent debt (rec)

[Momo'sDad]

If it were a legitimate hardship, we'd find a way to make it work. We have some options. There was another case just this summer where the other parents on a different team agreed to work the hours for a player parent who doesn't support their child's softball goals. The player left the team because the parents wouldn't bring them to practices or games. She was replaced and the incoming parent helped with those hours.

The parents use the player to communicate with the coach, and the coach has not always shown restraint in refusing to speak with the player about matters that should be handled by adults. Part of that is because of the relationship her daughter has with the other player, so it's hard for her to say "I'm not going to discuss this with you. If your mother is unable to come to practice because of work, have her call me in the morning".

As for spreading the cost out to the entire league, our league isn't large enough to permit us to do that. The fundraiser brings in a nice lump sum that would be hard to replace, while also giving us visibility to the public. It's a lot of work, but is worthwhile. This is the first year we've had strict accountability in the form of fee deposits, but no one else had a problem with it.

 

[Sparky Guy]

I see it as a cut-and-dry situation, but the parents disagree and have involved the child in the drama with the HC. The HC's daughter and the now-ineligible player are good friends.

This is a 16u team and the player is 15. The reason I asked the question is that my communication has been with the parents only via email, but the HC was told BY THE PLAYER that she's back on the team and would be at practice Monday. I'm our league's B program coordinator, which includes all-stars. I'm ok with being the bad guy here. But in general, is it ok to include a 15yo player in a conversation with the parents about personal responsibility?

I have seen families like this. Unfortunately, one of them was a close relative of mine. From what you've described this is a family who would rather "work the system" rather than work within it. Your league has given them ample opportunities to cover the cost of their child's participation. They have chosen not to take any of the options available to them.

The girl is more than likely a good kid. However, they have decided to use the leverage of the HC's daughter and her friendship to "twist" the HC's arm. For this family it's ALWAYS someone else's fault. Classic moves of a "user" in action.

At some point the "negotiations" with this family have to stop. They must be given a do-this-now ultimatum and the ultimatum MUST be followed through with. One of the league board members is going to have to be the "Bad Guy" in the scenario. If you don't the league has shown they can be bullied by a parent. That can not happen.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

As for spreading the cost out to the entire league, our league isn't large enough to permit us to do that.

Mind me asking how big? A few extra dollars over a number of players adds up quick. Ours carried between 400-500 kids over all the age groups. The real cost comes in if an age group makes it out of the first wave of playoffs, usually only one age made it out so the cost funneled into that team.

 

[Lozza]

Thing is they have hardship allowances. They allow parents to volunteer their time to cut the money back. The parents can't find six hours to help out? (Besides if vacationing in Tahoe, sounds like hardship doesn't make a difference)

 

[Momo'sDad]

We're a little over 200. To pass the cost to the entire league would mean a fee increase of $40/person, about a 30% increase over the current $125, which many feel is too high already.

Because the booth brings in so much money, we don't want to give it up. In order to keep it, we have to staff it, which means about 280-300 man-hours, so keeping it tied to all-stars makes the most sense.

 

[David Carter]

I am with others, usually first time around is a pass, we have only had one or two, we have a candy selling fundraiser and if kids sell their candy but the parent can't chip in the rest we usually cover them. Biggest thing that always gets you though is they will some how always take vacation, drive two nice cars and figure out a way to pay for a $300 bat but can't find $100 for registration. I would also be OK with an ultimatum, even if the league makes up a BS task like picking weeds out of the outfield or pebbles out of the infield just to show they are committed to the team.

If it is a BS case I would just let it slide this year then when next year rolls around just let them know she will not be drafted to a team without cash in hand period! I would also let them know they should be very thankful that the league did not press charges, if they are not aware maybe you could let them know that it is a crime to write hot checks, if it was a misunderstanding than they would have obviously paid the money immediately to make sure you knew it was a mix up their continued non payment is evidence of an intent to defraud.

 

[sluggers]

But in general, is it ok to include a 15yo player in a conversation with the parents about personal responsibility?

If she is going to be cut from the team, someone should inform her why she is being cut.

It is really interesting that everyone can be "brave" in talking to the parents. But, no one wants to talk to the person who will be most hurt by this.

More generally:

IMHO, the league board (which includes Momo's Dad) let this go way too long. It should have never allowed her to become part of the all-star team in the first place. To cut her now is unreasonable and likely very hurtful to the child. Of course, her parents are irresponsible jerks. But, when you serve the community (and rec ball is primarily about the community), you have to serve all the people, not just the nice people.

I have been part of boards where similar decisions had to be made, but we always found the money to allow the kid to play. We perhaps wouldn't let her sign up next year, but we wouldn't do something which would cause her tremendous embarrassment and shame. A 15YOA girl has little emotional stability the way it is...there is no need to make it worse.

 

[Sparky Guy]

But, when you serve the community (and rec ball is primarily about the community), you have to serve all the people, not just the nice people.

If this were the regular season I would agree with you Ray. However, this is all-stars. Something extra for a few girls in the program. The parents did not have to allow their DD to play, but they did and they knew the financial and time commitments needed for their child to participate. According to the OP they ignored all attempts to help them meet their responsibilities. It sounds like the Board made every legitimate attempt to serve the community and were rebuffed by the parents if the OP postings are correct.

Unfortunately, kids can be harmed by the actions of their parents, as much as you don't like to see it happen. At 15 this player is old enough to understand there are consequences to actions or lack thereof.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I, for one, let too many people take advantage of me. Some borrow my bats and never return them, some take my balls and lose or ruin them. And a few skip out owing me money. These people are slackers and muchers and they ruin it for everyone else.

 

[chinamigarden]

If a parent doesn't pay for a movie ticket. The kid doesn't get to walk into the theatre. The parents had the service option to pay their debt. The only bad thing is they got away with it all year a d that's why they think they can skate now. This should have been resolved as soon as the check bounced.