Parents

[bringtheheatmom]

Any advice??

My husband and I started a 10U Travel Softball team. We aquired kids we coached on my daughters community team, and friends. My daughter's best friend(at the time)parents were undecided, she was a good little lefty pitcher and our daughter was coming around. We had a pretty good team, we won almost every 10U tournament we entered mostly open A-B. since we had such a good group of kids and parents(first mistake) we decided to not have tryouts and just move up to the 12U with the same kids, doing the same types of tournaments and a couple A's to challenge the girls. That is when it all started.

The lefty's dad started worrying about doing A tournaments, then started making negative comments on the sidelines, then continued approaching the other parents judging every little thing we did.( Funny when we were winning the year before we were the greatest coaches going) He then started discussing these same issues he had about everything, in front of his kid and her friends that were on the team.

The kids would come to our practices with chips on their shoulders, talking back, fooling around rolling their eyes. When we tried to correct them,They even went home and said that I threw a ball at one of them. Come to find out the one child who was a follower refused to lie and told the truth, that it wasnt true.(we never received an apology).

So we thought we moved on. Went to a couple of tournaments and on the last one, the lefty and 2 others (whose parents became friends as well) brought funky sunglasses to the tournament and were asked not to wear them warming up. The mouths were going and attitudes flying. They even went as far as a huttle in the dugout to plan what they would do next.

They purposely did things in the game that practically threw the whole game. During warm-ups my husband let them know this carrying on has to stop and kicked a softball bucket. After the game, my husband called them together at the end to ask them what that display in the field was( these kids were out of control and my husband was at wits end). This was the worst. It had been going on for weeks and it was totally the last straw(he even went to the lefty's father weeks prior letting him know she was being disrespectful at practice and the father said he would talk with her)so when the girls gathered a the end of the game, my husband asked what H@% was that?(not making excuses for him but he never curses)Of course the lefty's father wasnt at the game.

My husband stated to "all the girls" not to single out the disrespectful ones that whoever wanted to continue to play softball on this team to be at practice. These 3 girls went crying to the parents and we never heard from them even after practice. The one mother who's daughter was just a follower had the courtesey to call to say her daughter didnt want to play at this level any more and was sorry it didnt turn out better...Needless to say these 3 left us hanging for an A nationals.

We scrambled around to get any players. The lefty's father went and bad mouthed us to everyone and anyone he talked to, Trying to get our team to fold so that my daughter wouldnt have any where to play. So another player on the team (pitcher) that did come to Nationals was rude and distant. When it was her turn to pitch she rolled pitches in(purposely)embarrassing the team and herself.

I cant tell you how hurt we are by all of this knowing this lefty and my daughter have been best friends since kindergarten? My husband seems to think the father was getting a little jealous of our daughter's pitching(why I dont know) we always had the lefty as our no. 1 and tried to start her every game, but then she would complain her arm hurt(which her father probably wasnt aware) Needless to say my daughter really doesnt know the whole story, and her and the lefty are cordial.

What is happening to parents? They are creating monsters or quite the little princesses, by just accepting everything they are told. When I was younger and an adult, teacher or coach stated I was acting up or did something wrong, my parent came right too me and would punish me for being disrespectful.

 

[Jojo]

Bringtheheatmom, your story is horrible. Unfortunately all too familiar. I don't think a day goes by when I don't scratch my head at parents and their actions.
I too long for the days of discipline, respect and being accountable for your actions.

 

[sluggers]

In a way, I feel for you. But, you made a bunch of fundamental mistakes. You were asking for trouble.

Mistake #1

You treated the parents like intelligent, rational beings. Treat them like out-patients from a mental institution--it is infinitely more fun.

Mistake #2

You allowed a clique to form.

Mistake #3

You should have carried more players. If you carry more players, then you can sit the ones that are acting out.

Mistake #4

You coached your own DD.

Also, while I'm sure your H was trying to project "intensity" with the profanity and kicking the bucket, he ended up simply looking foolish. Girls don't react well to verbal abuse and random acts of violence.

 

[andyh64000]

Mistake #4

You coached your own DD.

Really? At 10u/12u I assumed that the overwhelming majority of teams were coached by someone with a child on the team.

 

[sluggers]

In the long run, what is more beneficial to your DD:

(1) Coaching a team and getting ulcers from dealing with a bunch of jack*sses?

OR

(2) Putting the time in that you would have spent coaching the team into working, one on one, with your DD?

Think about how much time the parents spent trying to coach, and think what they could have done if they took all that time and money and worked exclusively with their DD. It is really a no-brainer.

You make your DD so good that no coach would dare sit her on the bench, and then walk down the 3B line and b*tch about the poor schmuck coaching the team. Makes for a much more enjoyable summer.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Any advice? Yes. Your story is all too common. Do what is best for your DD. You are the ones putting in the time and expense. Get your DD the best instruction that you can find and teach her to hit. She will never be without a team. I would sign her up for the closest college summer camp this summer and not feel bad about leaving the stragglers behind.

You probably can't burn bridges, though, because I am thinking that the girls might be on the same school team together.

 

[Coach JV]

Parents are the kryptonite of superman's travel softball. Your story
is extreme but is echoed throughout youth sports. Bad behavior needs to be
addressed immediately, waiting and allowing the behavior fueled
the fire.

We had a group of parents several years ago much like yours. They left
the club and formed their own program, it lasted 2 months and folded.
They came begging back but we had moved forward. These kids are sprinkled around neighboring
communities and to this day a couple of parents blame it all on me. They voluntarily left the program
but wanted to come under our umbrella for insurance and tax purposes etc. I politely declined,
naturally I am the bad guy.

 

[Coachmom]

No advice but to say it won't get any better from my personal experience.

A few years ago with a 10U Allstar team that I coached. #1 pitcher - could throw hard enough to strike most batters out at that level. My DD #2 pitcher. #1 pitcher is always sitting in the middle of the field, goofing in the dirt, while everyone else is practicing. I pull her aside and give her (what I believed to be) a motivating speech about how she is one of the strongest players on the team and the girls consider her a leader so I really need her to set a better example and not be sitting on the field when we are practicing.
Later, I find out that she goes to her best friends on the team and tells them that I said that she doesn't belong on this team. She also tells her parents I said this. These are people that we've invited to our home for dinner, and parties etc. These parents believed that I said this, in spite of the fact that I would never say that to any kid, even IF it were true, which it was not.

So Allstar team becomes completely divided and full of cliques because of this lie. Parents become divided. The #1 pitcher hurts a finger during a practice and drops from the allstar team mid -season, leaving me with one pitcher. My DD. We do okay but we really needed this kid to have a decent season.

Fast forward to today, my DD left rec ball to play travel ball and has continued to improve and develop her pitches. #1 pitcher stayed in rec, never went beyond a fastball and a mediocre change-up.
Last year as freshmen, former #1 pitcher barely got 5 innings of pitching time. Parents are furious, pitcher again creating cliques on the team causing drama. I don't even coach this team and somehow this is all my fault. Parents never speak to me at the field.
I wish I had sluggers advice at that time because I also treated these parents like rational human beings and it came back to bite me.

We live in a small community and will be spending at least 2 more softball seasons with this drama. My DD has actually considered quitting high school ball and doing another sport until travel resumes in May. She hates all the drama of high school softball.

Good luck and get a thick skin.

 

[SoCalDad]

When I saw the title of this thread I knew I should have skipped reading it. What you posted made me recall many bad memories that I have worked years to suppress. First off you have my sympathizes. As I have posted elsewhere, and as Sluggers has confirmed, parents are not rational when their kids are involved. It is a shame that youth sports has reached this level as now the parents behavior is not only rubbing off on the kids it is being emulated on the field. One piece of advice I have to offer to anyone considering joining a travel team is to have a written contract. My DD joined a travel team last fall and the travel association required both her and I to sign contracts that described acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. The consequences of disruptive behavior was made clear to both of us and appears to be working as my DDs team was very cohesive despite drawing girls from different backgrounds.

 

[mad hornet]

When I saw the title of this thread I knew I should have skipped reading it. What you posted made me recall many bad memories that I have worked years to suppress. First off you have my sympathizes. As I have posted elsewhere, and as Sluggers has confirmed, parents are not rational when their kids are involved. It is a shame that youth sports has reached this level as now the parents behavior is not only rubbing off on the kids it is being emulated on the field. One piece of advice I have to offer to anyone considering joining a travel team is to have a written contract. My DD joined a travel team last fall and the travel association required both her and I to sign contracts that described acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. The consequences of disruptive behavior was made clear to both of us and appears to be working as my DDs team was very cohesive despite drawing girls from different backgrounds.

Hey how did you make out on the sale of that team? Can't find the follow up anywhere.