Parent problem..Input please

[mudbug]

It is a shame how some parents dont put their kids needs high on the priority list. I see it all the time.

When I was a kid, most moms did not work, and still many wouldnt or couldnt take their kids to practice. My LL baseball coach made a round to pick up 3-5 kids for every practice, 2x week. We all piled into his beatup pickup , one in the front seat with him and the others in the back inside the camper shell,sitting on duffel bags full of bats, batting helmets, etc. He took these kids home too, and also brought them to games, 2x week too.

This guy was a great human being, a decent and fair coach, and just plain loved coaching kids. About the worst thing I think he ever did was give us kids chewing tobacco once. Never ever heard an angry or foul word from him.

My point is that you can have a big positive impact on peoples lives by being an example , you dont have to "save" them. They will remember the lessons you taught them as a role model, and someday pass them on too.

 

[alexander58]

You should be commended for your efforts. I remember how I felt when my parents split ( a loooong time ago). She needs something good to make her forget for a little while.

 

[obbay]

I think what you're doing is good so far. Another parent told me what it was like for him as a kid who's parents never came. It was completely demoralizing for him. In the end it was all empty victories that didn't really matter. For me, I preferred not to have my parents at my games, so they either wouldn't come or would snealk in without telling me.. My kids are the opposite, they love having us there.

Can't save 'em all, it's true, but at least you're helping improve one aspect of the kid's life. Do the best you can but don't create expectations for yourself, your player and her parents. Anything positive that your player gets from this experience is a win!

You definitely should make it a point to let the parents know how much you enjoy having their DD on the team and play up her "victories". No matter how lazy they are, parents can't help being seduced by their childrens successes. Also, if they feel that she is accomplishing something, then they may also feel more of a commitment.

It sounds ridiculous now but I was frustrated and irritated at my DD and had all but given up on her when she was like 8. The change came when her coach talked to me of things he saw in her that I completely missed! Yes, she liked to draw in the infield dirt and do cartwheels in the outfield. Yes, she wasn't great, but she was good . That was all it took to turn me around and learn to work with her. from there I saw a limitless potential and a love for the game developed.

Keep up the good work and good luck!

 

[2 DD Coach]

First of all, thank you to everyone for your input. I had a chance to read the posts in between work and leaving for batting practice on monday night. Dad came up to me right after and wanted to talk about this situation. I started off with talking about the improved interaction with the other girls, the cheering in the car, and what she was doing at that moment, which was running around laughing playing tag with my two DD's. Then I went into all the things that she has improved on already this season, and how I could see her really starting to gain some confidence in herself. I simply ended with, "I guess I dont see how softball could be causing her that much anguish, when whenever she is at softball she sure seems to enjoy herself, and she is doing such a good job." Dad agreed and said he just couldnt figure out what the issue could be. So I told him it was a tough situation to figure out, but I know that one of the things my two DD's love about softball is just hanging out in the backyard getting to spend time with their dad knocking a few balls around. Then I just asked how his DD responded when they were doing a little practice around his house.

YOU COULD SEE THE LIGHTBULB TURN ON ALMOST INSTANTLY!!

The next thing that came out of his mouth will be the sweetest words I hear this season if he sticks to them." Wow, Yeah I guess I didnt think of that. What kind of things should I be doing with her outside of practice?" I gave him some tips, and told him just to toss the ball back and forth if nothing else. Just let her show you what she is learning, and be a proud dad.

At tonights game, she was one of the first girls there, a big smile on her face, and dad cheering in the stands.

God I love softball!!

Thanks again to everyone for the input!

 

[amanda_cake]

Awww, I love the happy ending to this story!

 

[obbay]

Great Job Coach!
Now to keep the father from becoming too involved..

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Yeah! I needed that.

 

[jinjet95]

It's wonderful how this turned out. Sometimes parents get overwhelmed in the process of a divorce, too. It sounds like you gave him a direction, good job! Keep us updated.

 

[cshilt]

Very cool.

 

[Sweet Pitch 96]

Thanks for sharing. I'm so glad it turned out well. I know the time my dh and dd spend together is very special to both of them. Some one-on-one time might help them both through this hard time.