Managing parent expectations

[quincy]

Our Rec. Fall Ball is a free for all; player does not even need to be on the Team Roster to play. That is the way I thought it was everywhere for Rec. Fall Ball, trying to get players ready for the next year especially if they are moving up an age group.

Live and learn.

 

[Momo'sDad]

Why? I know that sounds like an absurd question on the face of it, but if someone is your best SS, shouldn't she play SS as long as she is doing what she's supposed to do at team practices? What difference does it make if another SS practices every day for an hour? Shouldn't the best SS get the job? If my DD was your best SS, I'd be disappointed if she wasn't playing SS. I think you as coach have the right to make those decisions how you like, but my philosophy is to reward who's the best, not who's working hardest -- so long as ''the best'' has a good attitude and works hard in MY practices.

I think that ''how do you know?" is a fair question. All you've told us here is that one is slow and accurate, while the others are faster. Who's the most effective? That's what counts. And if you've not played a game, how do you know? Also, you say that if you pitched her and she did poorly that her mom would make excuses. But if she did well, how would you respond? Would you make excuses: "She was lucky. They hit her hard, but it was right at somebody. That was just one inning.''

My gut is that you know what you're talking about. You're there. I'm not. I trust you. But since I'm not there and I'm trying to be objective, those would be some questions I'd ask.

I understand what you're saying about work vs natural talent, and I do agree with that. In this case, though, I'm not talking about a pitching prodigy from what I have seen. Rather, this is a girl who wants to pitch, but whose parents are not helping her to do what's necessary for her to be successful with that. Why not call up and schedule a play date with my DD, who loves to catch? We live walking distance away from one another. Why not come early to practice when the pitchers are usually warming up? Why not stay for 20 minutes after team practice when my DD has her pitching practice? I will continue to encourage this, but cannot tell anyone what to do with their personal time.

If she was in our top 4 without having to work at it, I would have no problem at all getting her the playing time mom is already implying she deserves.

I mislead you a little in my original post. She's very slow, but her accuracy is about the same as the others. That's to be expected at this level, but at the same time, I have to be honest in my assessments in helping to charter an effective progression for the entire team, not just one player.

I love our players individually, but I am all about the team's overall success. If I put a pitcher out there on a trial basis and she performs as well as the starters, then we've got a new starter on our team and I'm re-balancing the workload based on the emergence of a new talent.

I'm glad to be able to bounce these thoughts off guys like you who've been through a lot more wars than I have, so I appreciate your response.

 

[joemcq51]

If as the coach, you do not see her getting any innings based on her current level of ability, just tell the parents. Fall ball is for development. If she can't even break your top 4 pitchers and she doesn't practice at home, I wouldn't even consider her a pitcher. There is a huge difference between a developmental team and a team that is just plain fooling around. Sounds like you are trying to get these kids ready for when the competition is for real. That is not the place to just give anyone who wants to try pitching an inning. Look at it from the other side of the coin. If you had a girl that was your legit #3 or #4 pitcher. That girl worked hard at pitching practice and needed work in games. Now because some other girls mommy was a PITA, she loses quality innings during the fall. I agree to try kids at almost any position they want to give a shot in the fall. Just not in the circle. Most of those kids work too hard to take away their innings. Now if she was a natural talent and really was in the top 2 or 3, i'd say she needs some innings. Hopefully, to help her catch the bug and start practicing on her own. JMHO

 

[Momo'sDad]

Our Rec. Fall Ball is a free for all; player does not even need to be on the Team Roster to play. That is the way I thought it was everywhere for Rec. Fall Ball, trying to get players ready for the next year especially if they are moving up an age group.

Live and learn.

We're in a pretty crazy softball area. Once a good player turns 7, they're already being recruited for TB. I'm not making that up.

Spring rec is playtime. Some of the players and many of the crazy parents take it very seriously, but ultimately, anyone can sign up to play and at least for now, no one gets to pick their teammates (unless 2 friends are coaches' kids and want to play together).

After that, we get the summer all-star season which is fully competitive, just like TB, only with generally less experience and less talent.

Next comes fall rec, which is competitive, but the level is determined by who shows up and how well they play/are coached. Once seeded, the less talented teams will all play one another, while the more talented teams will play one another. It's all competitive, but a 1st-year 10u team generally won't be as good as most 2nd-year teams, so we're all grouped accordingly after the seeding tournament.

I could just throw my hands up in the air and tell my team, "Look, we're young, so we're just going to go out and have fun and not worry about trying to compete", but that's not what most of them signed up for and it wouldn't be fair to them OR to our opponents for us to not give a truly competitive effort in our games.

 

[guero_gordo]

As for setting expectations, the conversation you describe is about as clear as it gets. Better in fact than most I've experienced.
You've provided avenues for improvement, she should be able to set a goal and decide how hard she wants to go after it. Maybe she can explain that to Mom, maybe not, but delayed gratification is why I put my kid in sports in the first place.

 

[CoogansBluff]

I mislead you a little in my original post. She's very slow, but her accuracy is about the same as the others.

OK, that's different. If you've determined she'll be less effective than the others, then that's part of the coach's difficult job, to make those decisions. I respect that. Just wanted to make sure you weren't saying, 'Even if she might be my best pitcher, I'd rather develop those who are working harder.'

As for the parent, one of my coaching buddies once told me, ''It's easy to have an opinion when you aren't the one who has to make the decision.'' Parents have opinions. Coaches have to make tough decisions.

 

[Coach-n-Dad]

Interesting, but not uncommon dilemma…

Being a pitchers dad and good friends with many pitchers parents, I can understand where this mom is coming from (not that I agree).

I see all different speeds in each age group and level of play. Slower pitchers can be extremely effective in a rotation. Even at very high levels of softball I have seen it. For example, this spring I saw a very good 18 Gold team get skunked by a pitcher who was barely breaking 50mph (most 18 Gold pitchers are mid to upper 50’s). The batters were so used to seeing more speed that they couldn’t figure out the timing for the slower speed.

The fact is that you really don’t know. If this kid can put the ball over the plate for a strike at 10U, she is doing well. She will need experience in the circle to find out if she is going to be successful or not. The mom does need to know that her DD is #6 and may not get a significant amount of pitching time; if she isn’t happy about that she is free to find another team. People here will flame me for saying this but KEEP STATS. Actually, ‘batting average against’ is the stat that I would use to find out if a pitcher is doing well at 10U.

At 10U there are a lot of girls that think they want to be a pitcher. A large percent of the girls that play elite 16U and 18U started a pitchers and ended up finding that they didn’t like the pressure; it was too hard; it took too much work; etc. but they love playing softball so they quit pitching and concentrate on their preferred position.

My point here is that the kid wants to play softball and thinks she wants to pitch. Who are we (as parents and coaches) to say she can’t or isn’t good enough?

Thanks for reading my ramble…..

 

[SoCalSoftballdad]

10u fall rec

To her credit, she can get the ball across the plate, but her top pitch speed is about 20mph.

Hard to believe that a kid pitching 20mph could get the ball across the plate without arcing it 6 or 8 feet high from 35 feet distance. That is slow pitch softball not fastpitch. It's nearly impossible to throw that slow using any decent pitching mechanics unless she is throwing a change-up? What it says to me is that either a) she is not pitching using good mechanics; b) she is not practicing; c) someone has told her to "just throw strikes" or all of the above?

This illustrates the reason why you should teach throwing hard, using good mechanics when learning how to pitch. If she wants to pitch, let the parents know that she needs to practice x times a week and then see how she does in a scrimmage game. 10U batters should be hitting her hard, if not, you have bigger problems on you hands than just this pitcher's parents.

 

[smallball]

If I read your OP correctly, it seems to me the only issue you have with her is that she doesn't throw as hard as the other pitchers? She throws about the same percentage of strikes? If not, please disregard the following.

If so, the fact is you haven't seen her pitch in a game yet this fall, so at this point any supposition on your part is based on assumption. Her mother was right: how do you know? Were I her I would have had a hard time keeping my composure if you told me the reason she wouldn't be pitching very much is because it is unsafe for her to do so.

You say it's a "competitive" rec league in the fall, so my guess is the other teams might have trouble hitting her if she is that much slower than average, especially if you bring her in after your fastest pitcher goes through the lineup. But you'll never know because it sounds like she will never have a chance.

 

[Momo'sDad]

Hard to believe that a kid pitching 20mph could get the ball across the plate without arcing it 6 or 8 feet high from 35 feet distance. That is slow pitch softball not fastpitch. It's nearly impossible to throw that slow using any decent pitching mechanics unless she is throwing a change-up? What it says to me is that either a) she is not pitching using good mechanics; b) she is not practicing; c) someone has told her to "just throw strikes" or all of the above?

This illustrates the reason why you should teach throwing hard, using good mechanics when learning how to pitch. If she wants to pitch, let the parents know that she needs to practice x times a week and then see how she does in a scrimmage game. 10U batters should be hitting her hard, if not, you have bigger problems on you hands than just this pitcher's parents.

What you described is what happens - there's a sizable arc at the 30' distance she's been used to, but that's magnified at the 35' distance. She is going to be able to pitch a little faster, I am sure, but in fastpitch pitching terms, she is very much a beginner. I do love beginners and will have some on my team in the spring.

If she's as serious about pitching as mom has told me, then I'll strongly encourage her to come train with my daughter between now and spring and she's more than welcome to start working with our team's volunteer PC this week.