Managing parent expectations

[Momo'sDad]

10u fall rec

We've barely begun practicing for fall and already a mother is upset with me regarding her DD whom she thinks is a pitching star. I like the player a lot (polite, attentive, etc), but we're having to do a lot of work just to help her develop an overhand throw. To her credit, she can get the ball across the plate, but her top pitch speed is about 20mph. 4 of our other pitchers are in the 28-32 range and then our fastest pitcher is usually 36-40.

During what should've been a polite conversation, the mother kept asking me 'How do you know?!' that her DD isn't going to be a star pitcher this fall. Mom has not been to any practices, nor does she sit on the bucket for her DD to practice at home, and she has a very skewed view of her DD's performance from spring rec ball. There are naturals out there who can do well in 8u without practicing, but that number shrinks a bit as they move up to 10u. Look at the players performing well in 10u and I'll bet you money that 90% of them are practicing regularly.

I conceded that, yes, it was possible that her DD might magically develop into a sensation overnight, but I did not want mom to think she would be getting a significant amount of innings during the season. As of right now, she would be 6th in line and we'll generally pitch only 3 girls per doubleheader, and perhaps 4 on tournament weekends.

I tried to explain that 10u fall rec is competitive rec play and not at all like spring rec. Even though playing time will be about equal, playing time at each position will have to be earned and a player isn't going to be put in a position where her safety might be at risk. For example, an 8u player with slow reflexes isn't going to be playing 3B on my team unless I've scouted the other team and know they don't have any big bats.

I want the player on my team to get her ready for 10u spring rec, but based on mom's expectations, the daughter may have a much better experience playing the competitive 8u this fall instead. When I offered that suggestion, however, mom totally flipped out on me.

This could potentially be a very interesting season, but fortunately for me, there do not appear to be any other problem parents in the mix.

 

[joemcq51]

I can honestly say that I have no clue what the diff between fall 10u rec and 8u competetive would be. I do know that a parent who thinks their DD should be a star and isn't even in the top 4, will be a problem all season. I have had many kids who were dreams to coach and their parents were a nightmare. You will be miserable all year if you don't figure it out. I would spell it out for them. No pitching innings at all and if they are an issue DD has to go. This way she knows in advance she won't be pitching. What a shame. Parents ruin everything.

 

[quincy]

Speaking for a parent of a DD that probably does not hit 20mph, I want her to be given a chance. She has always had the lowest ERA on all of her Teams because she does not walk very many batters. Absolutely would not be able to pitch, or tryout, for a 10U Travel Team for pitching. What I have seen of the 12U Rec. games this year she would fit right with her current ability.

Can she pitch better if she worked on it more? Sure. Is she better then the pitchers her last 2 Managers put out there? Yes.

Should she be penalized because she might only ever be a 12U/ 14U Rec. Pitcher?

 

[joemcq51]

I think all the girls should play at that age--caveat, I did not say how long they should play or how often.

Give her an inning, it will answer the question once and for all, with the parents watching.

The only concern I would have with this is the parents already think their DD is a great pitcher. I am not sure one bad inning will change their minds. It will be the defense's fault, or the catcher's or the coaches. I had a girl who was a #4 pitcher on our club. I would get a weekly call from her parents, telling me how she was going to be on the olympic team someday and it was my fault for not getting her in the games. Forget the fact that when she did pitch, we would have nothing but walks and passed balls. Parents sometimes just don't get it. Those type parents can spoil a good team really fast. Be careful.

 

[Momo'sDad]

Even though the 8u/10u fall teams are organized by the rec leagues, they are competitive. We keep score, track standings during a shortened season, and then play in tournaments. It's intended to give players and parents a more competitive experience than spring rec provides without having to be part of a TB program.

In a way, I am glad the mother let me know what she wanted for her DD, because that enabled me to offer a viable solution to her now, as opposed to having bitter mommy to deal with all season. Based on her response, it seemed to me that she's the type who'll chirp in the ear of her DD about how terribly she's being treated by her coach.

It's not that I want to penalize this player for not being a superstar, but my general philosophy is that the ones who work the hardest should reap the rewards. Now, if she's putting in the work and just not improving very quickly, that's one thing, but when there have been 0 practice sessions since May, I'm not going to give her the same level of consideration as the pitchers who've been out there at least 2-3 times a week the past 3 months.

My own DD has to earn her spot. DD might be the presumed #1 today, but if 3 other girls outperform her leading up to our 1st tournament, guess what happens? The parents who've had me before generally like the fact that I'm the antithesis of a daddyball coach. If my kid isn't getting the job done, she can be moved as easily as anyone else to a different position or spot in the lineup.

I want every player to be able to strive towards her potential when she's a part of my team, but that optimization of individual talent has to be incorporated into the team's goals as well on game day. If our pitcher strikes out 15 batters, but 4 of the opposing players reach and score on errors while our team doesn't get a single hit or run, was it really a good game for us?

 

[rowdy]

One conversation I would recommend having with this parent is how she would feel if her daughter didn't pitch an inning for the team. The reality is no team plays enough games to keep four pitchers happy and if you want to have a good team then the focus must be on the team not the individual.

Unless this women is your wife I would suggest having her find another team. I have always said good parents are harder to find than good softball players. Your focus and responsibility is to your team. Make your move sooner rather than later or you will have some poison on the sidelines talking to your other parents.

 

[Lozza]

It's not that I want to penalize this player for not being a superstar, but my general philosophy is that the ones who work the hardest should reap the rewards.

They're 8 and 9 years old. Is it preferable that they be out there 2-3 times a week? Yes. But these are little girls who are playing REC ball. They will not get better if their coach doesn't give them a chance. At their age if you have four pitchers, they should be pitching an inning at least a game.

During what should've been a polite conversation, the mother kept asking me 'How do you know?!' that her DD isn't going to be a star pitcher this fall. Mom has not been to any practices, nor does she sit on the bucket for her DD to practice at home, and she has a very skewed view of her DD's performance from spring rec ball. There are naturals out there who can do well in 8u without practicing, but that number shrinks a bit as they move up to 10u. Look at the players performing well in 10u and I'll bet you money that 90% of them are practicing regularly.

The mother is right. You DON'T know. She won't get better without pitching time. Encourage her to have her daughter practise once a week outside of training. You never know what might emerge from that.

 

[CoogansBluff]

It's not that I want to penalize this player for not being a superstar, but my general philosophy is that the ones who work the hardest should reap the rewards. Now, if she's putting in the work and just not improving very quickly, that's one thing, but when there have been 0 practice sessions since May, I'm not going to give her the same level of consideration as the pitchers who've been out there at least 2-3 times a week the past 3 months.

Why? I know that sounds like an absurd question on the face of it, but if someone is your best SS, shouldn't she play SS as long as she is doing what she's supposed to do at team practices? What difference does it make if another SS practices every day for an hour? Shouldn't the best SS get the job? If my DD was your best SS, I'd be disappointed if she wasn't playing SS. I think you as coach have the right to make those decisions how you like, but my philosophy is to reward who's the best, not who's working hardest -- so long as ''the best'' has a good attitude and works hard in MY practices.

... To her credit, she can get the ball across the plate, but her top pitch speed is about 20mph. 4 of our other pitchers are in the 28-32 range and then our fastest pitcher is usually 36-40.

During what should've been a polite conversation, the mother kept asking me 'How do you know?!' that her DD isn't going to be a star pitcher this fall.

I think that ''how do you know?" is a fair question. All you've told us here is that one is slow and accurate, while the others are faster. Who's the most effective? That's what counts. And if you've not played a game, how do you know? Also, you say that if you pitched her and she did poorly that her mom would make excuses. But if she did well, how would you respond? Would you make excuses: "She was lucky. They hit her hard, but it was right at somebody. That was just one inning.''

My gut is that you know what you're talking about. You're there. I'm not. I trust you. But since I'm not there and I'm trying to be objective, those would be some questions I'd ask.

 

[CycloneSoftball22]

If , you as the coach , have decided that this particular player isnt up to the level of your other pitchers , then stick to you evaluations and your decision. If the mom doesnt like it , tell her to move on.

 

[Momo'sDad]

Thanks, Rowdy, and I agree wholeheartedly that good parents are harder to find. I don't need a parent to be a softball junkie who has their kid up at 6am every morning trying to teach her a riseball, but I need them to trust that I'm going to do as much as I can to let each player work towards her personal goals while operating within the framework of the team. If she wants to depart based on what she knows now, I won't begrudge her that at all. I think the player will learn a lot on this team, but when mom is telling me that she's there to pitch, then it would probably be better for her to find a team where she will get innings each week.

Lozza, one follows the other. In competitive play, a player who wants to get circle time isn't going to get it without demonstrating some level of proficiency. We all measure that differently, but a decent 8u pitcher will not automatically be a good 10u pitcher the following season. One of the other considerations I have to make as a coach is the participation rules set up by the board. During regular spring rec, we get free substitutions at all positions, so it's very easy to balance game time and also easy to give a pitcher an inning or 2 of work here and there. The fall season is competitive, however, and so they make the rules more restrictive. We're not out there trying to win every game, that's true, but our in-game goals are intended to be a part of the progression towards our end-of-season goals.

If the parents will not or do not have time to work with her at home, then I expect she will be able to reach any level of effectiveness beyond basic spring rec play. That's what some pitchers are and there's nothing wrong with that.