What to do for next year?

[chinamigarden]

They would choose to stay and have fun playing with their friends. But I feel it's the time for us to make the decision for them. Here is why...I know I will probably get blasted. My cousin's DD just graduated High School where she played softball and made all county...she's also played on the top select teams in our state since she was 10 and she excelled in school. She will play softball for 1 of our state colleges where she got a partial academic scholarship. That is our goal for our DDs because I will have 3 kids in college at the same time...any little bit helps. I know they won't be playing ball for the top softball teams in college or getting an entire free ride and it's not even likely that they'll get any athletic scholarship (I know those are few and far between)...but they make straight As in advanced classes so if a school wants them to play ball for them, they may get a partial academic scholarship. So we need them to develop to their full potential and at 12 they don't understand that and will make a decision based on what's fun for them right now and not long term.

The truth of the matter is this. Kids who make all As and take advanced classes will get academic money regardless of whether they play ball or not. My son just recieved 4 different partial scholarships to go to school. 2 from the university and 2 from community groups. He is not going to school to play any sport. It was all based on grades and essays. Add in 3 kids going to school at the same time and you might even get some grant money as well. Take a long hard look at the reality of finacial aid and scholarships before you commit your DDs to something they don't want. Especially if its not necessary to achieve your goals.

 

[sluggers]

Our DDs realize that they most likely will move on, but they are not happy about it. We do love these families. Should we stay or should we go and if we're going...how and when do we let the cat out of the bag?

IMHO, this isn't nearly as dramatic as you are making it. Just as you are thinking, "My kids need to play for someone better", another parent on the team is thinking, "This is a huge waste of time, my DD should be doing something else."

Most kids, boys and girls, start dropping out of sports at age 12. By age 18, there are very, very few kids still playing sports. The ones that continue to play after 18YOA are generally very, very good.

Around 12 or 13, kids develop other interests that sports--music, theater, e.g. And, if a child does still love sports, she has to pick one sport to specialize in. Therefore, the number of kids playing softball dramatically reduces after 12YOA. Go to any tournament and compare the number of 12U teams at the tournament to the number of 18U teams.

What happened? Kids grow up, they make choices, and find something they like better than softball.

So, the 12U team your child plays on today isn't going to exist in one or two years. It doesn't matter what you do--stay or go, coach or not, but it is going to change significantly. You can no more stop the team from changing than you can stop your child from growing up.

Look at your current team. It has already changed quite a bit over the last couple of years. It will change even more.

If your DDs do "eat and sleep" softball, then you should start looking for a better fit. Acknowledge that change is difficult for them, but tell them change is part of life.

 

[fastpitchtwinz]

The truth of the matter is this. Kids who make all As and take advanced classes will get academic money regardless of whether they play ball or not. My son just recieved 4 different partial scholarships to go to school. 2 from the university and 2 from community groups. He is not going to school to play any sport. It was all based on grades and essays. Add in 3 kids going to school at the same time and you might even get some grant money as well. Take a long hard look at the reality of finacial aid and scholarships before you commit your DDs to something they don't want. Especially if its not necessary to achieve your goals.

That is a fantastic reply...thank you...it helped me.

 

[fastpitchtwinz]

IMHO, this isn't nearly as dramatic as you are making it. Just as you are thinking, "My kids need to play for someone better", another parent on the team is thinking, "This is a huge waste of time, my DD should be doing something else."

Most kids, boys and girls, start dropping out of sports at age 12. By age 18, there are very, very few kids still playing sports. The ones that continue to play after 18YOA are generally very, very good.

Around 12 or 13, kids develop other interests that sports--music, theater, e.g. And, if a child does still love sports, she has to pick one sport to specialize in. Therefore, the number of kids playing softball dramatically reduces after 12YOA. Go to any tournament and compare the number of 12U teams at the tournament to the number of 18U teams.

What happened? Kids grow up, they make choices, and find something they like better than softball.

So, the 12U team your child plays on today isn't going to exist in one or two years. It doesn't matter what you do--stay or go, coach or not, but it is going to change significantly. You can no more stop the team from changing than you can stop your child from growing up.

Look at your current team. It has already changed quite a bit over the last couple of years. It will change even more.

If your DDs do "eat and sleep" softball, then you should start looking for a better fit. Acknowledge that change is difficult for them, but tell them change is part of life.

True. And their best buddy on the team is moving up to 14U and our org doesn't have a 14U select team, so she'll be going elsewhere (her dad is 1 of our coaches...we asked him to stay and form a 14U team that our DDs could play on as well as playing on the 12U...we'd do 7 tourneys for each team...12U doing 7 ASA and 14U doing 7 USSSA and doing them different weekends...he said no). Their other good friend is not returning because she's a competitive soccer player. The team we're looking at has a girl from our 10U team last year, who they are friends with...so that will help.

 

[fastpitch]

Finish the season and then go find a better fit. Unless you are going to play for another team now there is no reason to say anything. You shouldn't stay on a team with players who have different levels of commitment and goals with regards to softball... especially if you are the ones that are the committed ones. It won't work. They will only hold your kids back.

 

[NVfishing]

Finish the season with current team. Find an A team that plays fall ball. Sign up and they'll have new friends before spring. Also ask the new team if they will allow other players to try out. Invite some of the girls from your DD's team and if they don't come play at least your DD's know that they were given the opportunity and made a choice not to.

 

[fastpitchtwinz]

Finish the season and then go find a better fit. Unless you are going to play for another team now there is no reason to say anything. You shouldn't stay on a team with players who have different levels of commitment and goals with regards to softball... especially if you are the ones that are the committed ones. It won't work. They will only hold your kids back.

Finish the season with current team. Find an A team that plays fall ball. Sign up and they'll have new friends before spring. Also ask the new team if they will allow other players to try out. Invite some of the girls from your DD's team and if they don't come play at least your DD's know that they were given the opportunity and made a choice not to.

Both are great responses.
The only thing is...should my DH let our parents know that he won't be managing this team next year? They keep asking...it may make a difference to them- who the manager will be. To those we are closest to, we say something like "we're considering taking things to the next level with our daughters". I guess that is good for now...we're not setting anything in stone...so nobody should feel like they were blindsided.

 

[Lozza]

The only thing is...should my DH let our parents know that he won't be managing this team next year?

I think he should. Even if it's a 'I'm not sure what I'll be doing, you shouldn't count on me' would make them realise they need to find someone else!

Good luck and I hope your daughters do amazing!

 

[sluggers]

100% agree with Lozza--great advice.

 

[fastpitchtwinz]

I think he should. Even if it's a 'I'm not sure what I'll be doing, you shouldn't count on me' would make them realise they need to find someone else!

Good luck and I hope your daughters do amazing!

That's what I was thinking...thanks for your help.