How should kids feel about losing?

[CoogansBluff]

I think it was Sluggers who posted a while back on a comment by Bobby Knight that college basketball players don't hate losing like they used to. ... I remember Knight saying that, and I've not got it off my mind. That thread was mostly about whether his assertion was true. What I'm after here is whether that 'hate losing' attitude is necessary to be a champion or great competitor.

Do you want your players to hate to lose? Is that a good quality in an athlete?

How should a player feel after she or her team plays below their potential and loses a big game? How should she feel if she had a bad game individually? How should she feel if her team gets blown out 12-1?

I see two ends of the spectrum --

1 - Those who feel terrible about losing. Losing hurts. These athletes may be sad or angry, or even embarrassed if they perform poorly. They don't want to talk on the ride home. These feelings are what fuel their competitive nature.

2 - Those who don't dwell on the past. They leave it on the field. They move on. They analyze what went wrong and learn from it, and they are determined to get better, but they get over their team's losses or their own poor performances quickly. They're in a good mood in the car ride home, wondering what's for dinner.

 

[dschreib]

I think you can do both 1 & 2 to some degree, depending on how quickly you can analyze, learn, and move on. I'd rather not have a team that's full of players laughing it up after a loss, but at the same time I don't want a bunch of hanging heads and slumped shoulders. We need to figure out what happened so we can come back and play another game. Sometimes you have overnight, sometimes 20 minutes.

I honestly don't know the best answer. Maybe players should hate to lose, but love to win more than they hate losing--if that makes sense. The reason I say this is that if the thought of losing starts to enter their heads in a tight game, that's when mistakes are made.

 

[NVfishing]

We lost a close game the other night. One of the pitchers, a catcher, and a fielder were all crying after. It was our best game if the season. Nothing to cry about. Move on and work harder to get them next time. My DD gave up the winning hit to one of her best friends on a 1-2 count. A girl she struck out twice earlier and is one of the better hitters in league. My DD wasn't crying. She did exactly what she was told. Mix location and speed. Long memories of the last at bat, the last pitch is what the great players avoid.

 

[splinterpicker]

It is easy to teach kids how to win and it hard to teach them how to lose. I would tell my coaches we will be succesful when the team wants to win more than we do.

 

[CoogansBluff]

It is easy to teach kids how to win and it hard to teach them how to lose.

Good answers, all. ...

What you say here is perhaps a better way to pose my question:

In teaching kids how to lose, what is it that we should teach them? How should kids lose? What feelings do we want them to have?

Do you want them to feel badly about playing poorly, or to meet the imposters of triumph and disaster the same?

 

[BaldNBeautiful]

How should a player feel after she or her team plays below their potential and loses a big game? How should she feel if she had a bad game individually? How should she feel if her team gets blown out 12-1?

I see two ends of the spectrum --

1 - Those who feel terrible about losing. Losing hurts. These athletes may be sad or angry, or even embarrassed if they perform poorly. They don't want to talk on the ride home. These feelings are what fuel their competitive nature.

2 - Those who don't dwell on the past. They leave it on the field. They move on. They analyze what went wrong and learn from it, and they are determined to get better, but they get over their team's losses or their own poor performances quickly. They're in a good mood in the car ride home, wondering what's for dinner.

I see your point, but in reality you have to make this a triangle with your two responses at two of the triangles corners. On the other corner I think you you put this response:

3 - Those who do not seem to care how the game went. Maybe it is an act, maybe they do not have any competitive fire, or maybe they do not want the score to define them.

Personally this last group drives me crazy. There always seems to be one or two in school ball and the attitude can be contagious.

 

[BaldNBeautiful]

You have made me think about this! Here is how I would illustrate it:

Your first group Those who feel terrible about losing. Losing hurts. These athletes may be sad or angry, or even embarrassed if they perform poorly. They don't want to talk on the ride home. These feelings are what fuel their competitive nature. This is what I would call the "Agonize Group"

Your Second group, the "Analyze Group" Those who don't dwell on the past. They leave it on the field. They move on. They analyze what went wrong and learn from it, and they are determined to get better, but they get over their team's losses or their own poor performances quickly. They're in a good mood in the car ride home, wondering what's for dinner.

and lastly what I would call the "Avoidance Group" Those who do not seem to care how the game went. Maybe it is an act, maybe they do not have any competitive fire, or maybe they do not want the score to define them.



Personally I think it is good to a mix of girls from the Agonize and the Analyze groups.

 

[JAD]

enough said...

 

[CoogansBluff]

You have made me think about this! Here is how I would illustrate it:

Your first group Those who feel terrible about losing. Losing hurts. These athletes may be sad or angry, or even embarrassed if they perform poorly. They don't want to talk on the ride home. These feelings are what fuel their competitive nature. This is what I would call the "Agonize Group"

Your Second group, the "Analyze Group" Those who don't dwell on the past. They leave it on the field. They move on. They analyze what went wrong and learn from it, and they are determined to get better, but they get over their team's losses or their own poor performances quickly. They're in a good mood in the car ride home, wondering what's for dinner.

and lastly what I would call the "Avoidance Group" Those who do not seem to care how the game went. Maybe it is an act, maybe they do not have any competitive fire, or maybe they do not want the score to define them.

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Personally I think it is good to a mix of girls from the Agonize and the Analyze groups.

Good stuff! Might be a book in this. ...

Those who are what you call ‘’avoidant’’ are probably not good fits for travel ball. I don’t think winning has to be paramount for a kid, but if they are totally indifferent to the outcome of the game, or to their own performance, then they probably won’t be motivated to get better. They are there for other reasons. There’s nothing wrong w/ that as a personality, but as a TB player, I would think the motivation to improve is mandatory. Or are there those who are motivated to improve but still don't care about the outcome? Not sure if that is possible.

 

[CoogansBluff]

Travel ball will make most of them indifferent to the outcome.

I agree that playing 50-100 games per year(s) will dull the senses to winning and losing. ... I think it was Duane Thomas who asked, 'If the Super Bowl is the ultimate game, why do they play it again next year?' Travel ball kids come to that realization pretty quickly. If you've played 250 softball games in your life and you're just 13-years-old, why should losing for the 113th time ruin your day? Why should making 3 errors at short or striking out 3 times dampen your mood? There's another game coming soon, a chance for redemption. That's why HS sports doesn't hold much meaning for many players. It's why college softball is a job for some players.

To be successful in sports and life, I think it's important that kids want to get better, that they have a sense of pride and determination in order to improve.

But I do question whether a 'lack of remorse' over losing is significant at all, or whether coaches who try to encourage those those feelings ("You should feel embarrassed'') are making a mistake, especially w/ kids who take that as disapproval.

If Bobby Knight is correct, that fewer players today hate losing, is that so bad? Maybe those who walk off the court w/ head held high are less likely to choke. They are not ashamed to lose.