Dusty cleat diaries: Bday parties and perfectionist bounce back-ability

[Momo'sDad]

This is actually a basketball story I wanted to share.

I'm currently coaching a spring basketball team that plays just above the rec level. Our girls are 5th graders and our 1st game was Friday. We were missing our star forward, Kelsey, and my DD Mojo, who starts at the 2. Kelsey's birthday party was scheduled and since she and Mojo have been best friends for over 5 years, there was no way either was coming to the game. She was upset that she couldn't be part of the sleepover, but with an 8am softball game, we couldn't allow it for the sake of her softball team which only has 10 healthy players at this time.

Back to basketball, being shorthanded forced other players into roles they aren't used to. We were playing against a far more athletic and experienced team, but forged a small lead playing a conservative brand of basketball. Coming out of halftime, though, one of our players took the inbounds pass, sprinted down, and scored an own goal to tie it for the other team.

As she came up the court on offense, she was bawling and sadly, she never recovered for the remainder of the game. Giving up a run in softball can hurt and scoring an own goal in soccer can be devastating, but basketball? In my heart, I wanted so badly for her to know that it was just 2 points we could get back within seconds, but her words were that she'd let her team down and helped the other team. It was a very big deal to her. I told her it was ok and urged her to brush it off, but something tells me it's a moment she'll never forget. I just hope she's able to laugh at the whole thing sooner rather than later.

The change in her demeanor is not why we ended up losing, nor does losing even matter, but I hope that I'm able to do a better job as time goes on of helping her to develop the confidence not to let the little things get her down. It's ok to be a perfectionist, but failures and mistakes are a part of all our lives. The perfectionists often take the little things the hardest, it seems.

 

[Indiana]

I did that once in field hockey - it was freshman year when all freshmen played together on one team, so it wasn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things, just HS freshman ball. But I still remember it all these years later - it was during a big scramble in front of the net and my stick just caught the ball and in it went, past our bewildered goalie. I went on to play for 7 more years, but I'll never forget that one goal.

 

[Batting Ca]

Boy, if I had a dollar for every little mistake I've ever made, I'd be a rich, rich man. Hopefully she'll be able to laugh about it sooner rather than later, and the other girls don't give her too much grief over it (though someday that'll be funny as well). Life is full of mistakes, and as long as we learn from them, it's all worth it.

 

[Momo'sDad]

That's an excellent point I forgot to mention, BCI. The other players didn't say anything about it at all and probably won't. I've been fortunate to work primarily with very good kids and this group is no exception. When she's older and playing on more competitive teams, the environment might be different, but for now, no one who's playing hard has anything to worry about in terms of criticism.

 

[29dad]

Just tell the girl that although she made a mistake, you admire the fact that she was there, competing, playing hard for her teammates, doing her best instead of missing a game for, I don't know, a birthday party or something.