Do you want it?

[slingnit]

OK, I will chime in and throw everything for a loop.

Does anyone really know what is going on between the 6" space between the ears of a preteen, or even a teenage female athlete? I don't and usually the most pertinent answer is what the parents want it to be. Sometimes, how much money they want to spend.

My DD started playing baseball at age 4. Played until she was 12. Then switched to softball. Now 17, has still played more baseball games than softball.

Does she want it? want what, I ask? She has the talent to play with about anyone in the country. Does she care ... NO. Folks really fail to realize that by the time a player is a Junior in high school, they have played way more games in the past, than they ever will in the future.

The answer is what the parents want it to be. Super travel orgs want to emphasis the want. But talent, even when learned at 9 years old, still rules the day.

I personally know numerous D1 signees, that my DD is a better hitter than. So what. these D1 signees want it more, I guess. My DD does not. That does not mean in any way shape or form, that my DD is not one of the most feared hitters on the high school level, with championships to prove it.

My DD does not care. She is focused on her future, without softball. As many should be, because there is no money in it (besides scholarships. of course), if not for their parents drumming into them something different.

My DD has two (2) high school seasons left. Last year was a State Championship. Hopefully two (2) more to go. Does she have the WANT ..., of course not for college. But she has the want for high school softball,

Focus on the present folks. And the joy, and possible HS championships. Sure, disagree if you want. Go for the scholarship, I don't blame you. But again, it is diminished returns.

I am glad, I am proud, and do everything in my power to promote, contribute to the IMMEDIATE future, and not look too far ahead.

So here I am. Literally hundreds of female athletes, probably thousands, even tens of thousands, have had more WANT than mine. They don't have the talent though. They did not play baseball against the boys, and show dominance against them in various ways when 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12. When she had the want.

Don't matter to me. I am the luckiest dad in the world, and will never see a college ballgame, probably.

Now I will be a hypocrite and side with sftblldad7. If your daughter is as good as advertised I would encourage her to stick with it and play college ball. I would not force the issue but I would tell her to not have any regrets, don't be that 30 yr old that says " I could have, should have, would have!" Use that God given ability to get a free education. And if she still doesn't want to, then that's her decision. But there are a small percentage of girls that get to play college ball and even smaller get to play for a top D1 program. True there is life after ball and ball probably won't pay the bills for 99.99% of the girls so why not enjoy it(if she does) and play as long as possible. Because it will be gone one day and she will probably want it back. Just like all us parents that have pushed our kids, we wish we could have it back or do it over.

 

[OzOl]

I think I am on the same page as the OP, and for me (new to coaching softball) wanting IT is maybe less important than wanting to be at training or at the game. Youth players need to be engaged at practice and need to enjoy playing the game, that's what a coach is there for I believe, as long as we teach the right skills and keep them interested they will be in a position to want IT when the time comes. The greatest players to walk the earth can't be great if they no longer get on the field. JMHO.

 

[SCDad]

Now I will be a hypocrite and side with sftblldad7. If your daughter is as good as advertised I would encourage her to stick with it and play college ball. I would not force the issue but I would tell her to not have any regrets, don't be that 30 yr old that says " I could have, should have, would have!" Use that God given ability to get a free education. And if she still doesn't want to, then that's her decision. But there are a small percentage of girls that get to play college ball and even smaller get to play for a top D1 program. True there is life after ball and ball probably won't pay the bills for 99.99% of the girls so why not enjoy it(if she does) and play as long as possible. Because it will be gone one day and she will probably want it back. Just like all us parents that have pushed our kids, we wish we could have it back or do it over.

Believe you me, me and my DD have had this conversation. About a year ago in the fall, before her sophomore year. And again last spring when she had high D1's lined up, and all she had to do was show up in force last summer, and grasp the gold ring. It was right there in front.

So if there is a tinge of regret in my stories, I won't lie.

As a parent, we embarked on a ball playing journey. It is and was the best journey of our lives. The joy she has, and continues to give are remarkable. But everyone must realize, SHE is the one giving the joy, putting in the hard work. Not me, I am just honored to be a part.

Softball has taught her that she can be great at what she decides in life. That is the best lesson. So I have no doubt in my mind, that what she decides to do ... she will succeed.

So you let go. As long as her plan is well thought out, and the reasoning sound, I am behind her 100%. Learn to cherish the few moments you still have left with a 17 and 18 year old. My DD is cherished and honored in her immediate community. Much more than this old man has ever been his whole life.

Maybe she will have regrets. Maybe not. But when she carefully weighed the extended workouts college requires, and time required time taken away from her college years, she made a decision. To date, she still works as hard as any of the high school players, in the high school program. But very limited these days in travel.

She is not a college player, because her mind is not in it. Don't miss this important point. The college players are far better than her at softball, because they have made different choices for their future. They do indeed have more WANT, to go along with their great talent.

If there were any real money in softball, possibly the scales would balance differently. There is not.

After high school, players are so close to the end without realizing it. Look at Florida U, as a large percentage of the upperclass players either opted out, or were driven out. Getting a scholarship is great, but I would be interested in hearing the real numbers of players who get a freshman scholarship, versus how many of these same who make it through their senior year in college with the same.

I look at some of the big time D1 colleges who have a freshman offered college class of 12 or more. The numbers do not add up. Some of it is fools gold, I gather.

It is just a true story of mine. Loved the journey. Have just a little longer to go, and offering a little perspective to those younger parents of 12U players who think ONLY of college scholarships, not knowing whether the want, or talent, will be there, yet spend an exhorbitant amount of time and energy on it. Focusing entirely on a scholarship many years away, and not truly enjoying, and valuing the benefits of the immediate time you are having with DD and softball.

It all ends sooner rather than later. I am glad my DD can do it on HER terms, versus others who do have more WANT, but not the talent. Those are the ones I feel sorry for. The game is unforgiving.

 

[RetiredCoach]

We all have our own motivations for what we do. I, for one, have played baseball/softball pretty
much for my entire life with no real hope of scholarships or anything resembling a major league
career. I played because I loved it! Win, lose or draw it was, mostly, all good--or great! I had
fun playing a game that I loved with people whom I loved playing with. A lot of my closest friends
today are people that I've played ball with. So, without a scholarship, state championship, a
minor/major league career, my participation in the sport has been a wonderful experience!

Maybe we are all focused on the wrong prize?

 

[Sparky Guy]

If there were any real money in softball, possibly the scales would balance differently. There is not.

The value is having the education paid for and earning a good living in her chosen field. The value there is limitless over her lifetime.

Getting a scholarship is great, but I would be interested in hearing the real numbers of players who get a freshman scholarship, versus how many of these same who make it through their senior year in college with the same.

My DD's freshman class number was 7 at a DII school. Only she and another girl made it to graduation. The others quit for various reasons. I think part of the problem is the girls are not given all the correct information with regards to playing college softball. It is a JOB and has to be approached with that mindset. The hardest part about playing in college is not the playing and practicing. It's all of the other things that go along with it. The travel, too much time with teammates, hotels, trying to stay caught up with classroom work, time management and dozen other things that go along with it while trying to have a social life. It's not for every athlete.

I can't even begin to tell you the number of parties and social events my DD missed over the years because she was playing ball. Fortunately, she was with a group of very dedicated players who were also missing the same things. That made it somewhat easier. After a while her non-softball friends understood and never gave her grief about it. In fact, they would often show up to her HS and College games that were closer to home.

It takes a huge amount of "Want" to play and succeed at that level. What I have found over the years of working with young athletes is by 14U they are playing the game for themselves as the parental influence wanes. It is up to them to decide just how far they want to go.

There should be no shame or regrets for taking charge of their life. My older DD stopped playing when she was 17 and never had any regrets. My younger DD finished her college career pitching in the conference tournament championship game. No regrets. Both are happy and successful adults.

I'm sure Sluggers experience with his DD's will be similar for both softball and basketball.

 

[Cannonball]

Their are many differences between TB and HS and College. The "Want it" really gets defined at the college level. DD is a junior this year and, to this point, all 5 of the girls who signed with her are still playing. I don't see any of them leaving. We have had ice and now snow this morning. The wind chills are below zero. DD had to be in the gym at 6 this morning. She will be there until 8 or 8:30. She will be in class by 9. She will be there all day and then somewhere around 2 or 2:30 practice. When that finishes, she will go home, eat and do homework. That is the same routine for every girl who plays at any school that had a decent program. My dd, along with many of the dds who's parents are on this site really cares about her grades. The stress of doing both is overwhelming at times. When they are on the road, it is so hard to get stuff from their professors. With all of the technology available you would think that would be different. This year, we paid almost $100 for a membership on a website where the university and the professors will be better equipped to handle all of the correspondence including "drop boxes" where large assignments such as PowerPoint's can be uploaded. I'm hoping that this will relieve some of her stress. Keep in mind that there is no time for anything non academic or softball related. DD told her boyfriend who is also a college athlete that she will do her best to find time. He is the same. I haven't mentioned anything about what happens on the field.

 

[RetiredCoach]

I have two daughters that are both pitchers who, in my opinion, have a realistic chance to play softball
at the college level. They are very talented but don't really work that hard. They have, literally, pitched
maybe ten times since last July. They are now moving from pitching from once a week to, twice a week
with the advent of the school season in March. In spite of other girls working much harder they will
probably, again be the best pitchers of their grade. However, I know that at some point the harder working
girls will bypass them if they don't work harder. They are 15 and 12 years of age. Maybe the hard work
will come or maybe it won't. It's up to them. I can't want it for them.

I have encouraged them to work hard and attain that college scholarship. However, the more I learn about the
realities of college softball, I don't necessarily know if that is what would be best for them. What is good is that
it is not my decision. It's theirs. With that burden off of my shoulders I can focus on putting money away for
their education--the important part. I can also recall my days in college when I was a competitive distance runner.
I ended up feeling overwhelmed with the burdens of a collegiate level sport and trying to achieve a first class
education, both at the sacrifice of something called a social life. I ended up quitting the sport and focusing on
the education and the social life. At times I have a few regrets but, at that time, it was the only decision that
I could have made.

 

[John T]

Sounds like my High School dd. She is up at 5:00 am every MWF and off to practice. School until 3:00 pm, an hour or so of school work, practice again and more school work, usually in bed by 11:00. She is also working on the weekends. On top of all that she fits an hour with a hitting coach and throws to me a couple of times a week (It is not softball season yet...).

She has no time for High School events with the exception of a HALF of football with her friends (Team) in the fall. We went to watch a sporting even last Friday night and she took homework with her and did it between plays and periods.

I have talked with anyone who will listen about the amount of work required of a High School student (AP and College in the Classroom) but it will not change.

The bright side is that College will not be a surprise for her and may be somewhat easy compared to what she is doing now.

So I guess she wants IT...

 

[Greenmonsters]

Their are many differences between TB and HS and College. The "Want it" really gets defined at the college level. DD is a junior this year and, to this point, all 5 of the girls who signed with her are still playing. I don't see any of them leaving. We have had ice and now snow this morning. The wind chills are below zero. DD had to be in the gym at 6 this morning. She will be there until 8 or 8:30. She will be in class by 9. She will be there all day and then somewhere around 2 or 2:30 practice. When that finishes, she will go home, eat and do homework. That is the same routine for every girl who plays at any school that had a decent program. My dd, along with many of the dds who's parents are on this site really cares about her grades. The stress of doing both is overwhelming at times. When they are on the road, it is so hard to get stuff from their professors. With all of the technology available you would think that would be different. This year, we paid almost $100 for a membership on a website where the university and the professors will be better equipped to handle all of the correspondence including "drop boxes" where large assignments such as PowerPoint's can be uploaded. I'm hoping that this will relieve some of her stress. Keep in mind that there is no time for anything non academic or softball related. DD told her boyfriend who is also a college athlete that she will do her best to find time. He is the same. I haven't mentioned anything about what happens on the field.

Excellent post to help DDs and their parents understand what the expectations are and realistically target their desired level of play commensurate with their abilities, goals, and dreams. From posts like this, college softball recruiting/informational seminars, and personal accounts, we had a pretty good sense of what the expectations and commitment level were for playing in college and the sacrifices that D1 softball players often have to make. Based on that information, DD targeted D3 and is very happy going into soph year because she can play SB on terms she is comfortable with - schedule the classes she wants, participate extensively in major-related extracuriculars, do work study, and have a little time for social activities.

ETA - DD didn't work any more or less hard to improve her game prepping for college because of her specific objectives (IMO, which may be biased, she outworked most/all of her peers who had higher aspirations). As Slugger noted, the extra commitment and sacrifices required once at the D1 level steered DD to D3. So I guess she wanted the D3 "it" rather than the D1 "It".

 

[Classof2020]

I REALLY love to read the posts that share about college life for the girls that go all the way but I also wanted to make a comment regarding the OP.

I think we are all motivated in our parenting/coaching to one extent or another by our own experiences growing up. I always wanted to play sports but didn't have the nerve or the parents to encourage me. That has caused me to push my kids to at least try things out. If they don't like it fine, if they do then I try to encourage/push them at the level that THEY want. One child just wants to play for fun so I let that be. One child wants to play in college so I do what I can to help her head for that. The third could care less about sport since she quit at about 8. When the one with high aspirations says she doesn't feel like practicing I ask again "are you sure? you haven't thrown for a few days?" etc. that is usually all it takes and next thing you know she is changed and ready to go. The other one you could say something like that and he'd say "nah, maybe next week". I do push a little because nobody ever pushed me and I needed a little push. But I'm also aware that I can be eager and react out of my experience so I also back off and check with them and ask is this still what they want, are they happy with where they are heading? But if they want to motivated I'm right behind them.