Dealing with Drama from Another Player

[Lreeve]

Needing some advice on how to deal with a situation. My daughter joined a new team(12u) this year which she was really excited about. One of her school friends also joined the team. After the first practice she was invited to the 14u practices and asked to play in some 14u tournaments as needed. This team felt like a perfect fit for her.

We had our first scrimmage today and afterwards I get a long message from the school friends mom about how my daughter made rude comments to her daughter during the game. The stuff she was complaining about aren't even things my daughter would say. If she said she put her in a headlock I might believe it, but she just isn't a rude kid. I was in shock she would say this about my daughter. This is not her personality at all. We were sitting close to the dugout and I never heard anything. I asked my daughter and she just looked confused and said all she told her was good hit. The "friend" is always in conflict with someone. I even quit coaching their basketball team because the "friend" and another girl were so much drama they had our school board involved. I anticipated something might happen when I found out they were both on the same team but was hoping it would be fine.

I am really frustrated that they are starting this stuff right off the bat, and because it is a new team I am worried the coaches might believe this stuff about my daughter is true if her mom goes to them and starts saying stuff. Their skill level is markedly different and I think this may be what is driving the made up story. How should I deal with this? Ignore it? Tell the coach? I don't even know. This is not how you want to start with a new team. We are so anti conflict I hate being thrown into this situation.

 

[Gambler Bob]

Sounds like something a swift kick in the nutz would fix.

 

[1bucketmom]

Clearly, if there allegations were true someone else would have heard or seen something. Have your daughter remain consistent in who she is and how she operates on the field. Rise above. If the coaches say anything to you or your daughter, then I would mention the situation. Coaches have seen it all and can usually tell who is the problem. I’d also recommend, if possible, your daughter make sure she is always with other teammates instead of 1-on-1 with the problem child. Keep playing hard and practicing harder.

 

[marriard]

Am I getting this right - 1 scrimmage in and already issues and sounds like prior negative experience with the player?

If that is the case you go to the coaches right now. Like when you read this. You explain the past situation, you show them the messages from the parent you received, you say that didn't happen and you make your position known now. Let them know they have a likely situation with this family that they should be aware now because they are likely going to have to take action.

Why now? Because it possibly is already too late. These sorts of players and families have ZERO issue getting to the coaches and poisoning them against you and your kid. They may have already done so.

In terms of the parent text - once I had informed the coaches I would either ignore it or reply "I am sorry, but this didn't happen."

When the next incident happens - not if - when - be prepared to walk from the team if the coaches/organization don't want to deal with it.

 

[Lreeve]

This is such a difficult situation. We are from a small town and what this mom does is accuses everyone of bullying, but is in fact bullying others by making stuff up and then getting everyone turned against that child. She also does it with teachers etc. She is a well known real estate agent so will have 100s of people bashing whoever she posts about on facebook.

We have always been nice to them and even supported her in some of the situations, but now I'm on this side of it and am realizing the reality. I have always told my daughter to stay out of the drama. A huge issue we have is that this girl was on a different team last year and her coach has moved over to the new team and is coaching my daughter's team. So it may already be too late as is. I am so sick over this, we loved everything about this team and literally 2 practices and a scrimmage in and it is already a mess.

 

[daywalkerdad]

Just say kids at this age are into it one minute and best friends the next. I will discuss being nice and kind with my child. I find it is best if us parents monitor the situation but stay out of it. Parents only fuel the fire that would otherwise extinguish.

 

[Lreeve]

Just say kids at this age are into it one minute and best friends the next. I will discuss being nice and kind with my child. I find it is best if us parents monitor the situation but stay out of it. Parents only fuel the fire that would otherwise extinguish.

Totally agree. I told my daughter that unfortunately this goes with being a good athlete, you can get a target on your back. Just be nice and keep pushing. I just don't know how to deal with the fall out if they start in on her coaches.

 

[Cannonball]

Being nice can be seen as weakness. Instead, avoid interacting with this player. Your DD should not sit next to her, talk to her or play catch with her. Instead, make other friends and move in those circles. As a parent do the same. You don't need to be able to text or call that parent. Avoid interacting with her. Make friends with the other parents. When you have to interact, be civil but avoid long conversations. You can expect that this other parent will make comments about your dd to other parents and coaches. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. Been there and done that.