Coaching your own DD

[ktm rider]

4) make post-game time about her-as dad, not coach
5) ENJOY the ride!

This is the best advice I have read yet. Since my girls started playing I have made it a point to quietly pull them both aside just before every game single game and tell them that no matter how they play I am proud of them and that I love them very much or something of that nature... I don't see that little ritual ever changing.
As a matter of fact my youngest has started to get a bit superstitious about it and reminds me occassionally not to forget to do it....lol

 

[Country Boy]

If your primary concern is to make sure your DD plays softball professionally, by all means, turn her coaching over to others.

If you want to share experiences with your DD and build a relationship, don't turn your back on coaching. I have coached both of my DD's into 18's and feel that I have a better relationship with them for the experience. Neither will play professionally. But both will be my DD for the rest of their life and remember some of the good times on a diamond. I will forever remember a fall tournament that we won a number of years back. My oldest DD was the first to get her trophy. She looked at me and smiled. That was a moment we shared and I will treasure my entire life. Priceless. Would it have been the same if I were in the stands? No.

Don't give up coaching your DD because others encourage it. Give it up if you are not passionate about it and your DD.

All black people are fast. All Polacks are stupid. All Hispanics are illegal. All Dad's are incompetent loser coaches. Right?

 

[Little Angels Softball]

I have to agree with Country Boy. For 10 years, I was the hired head coach who never had a DD on the team. This was at national-championship level ASA ball in ages 12U - 16U. I had a daughter of my own, who is now 11 years old (she's 10 on the ASA clock, though). When she wanted to start playing a few years ago, I let her sign up in a league and be assigned to a team. I then volunteered to be an assistant coach after receiving the obligatory "welcome/I need volunteers" email from the head coach. He took me up on it and after about three weeks of practice, he asked if I would take over head coaching duties. I didn't, but did the following year and have been coaching her ever since.

I am a bit harder on her than the others but have largely corrected that behavior this year. Last year was especially bad because she was clearly the best player at a certain very important 10U position but other families thought their DDs were as good or better and wanted them to not only get time there, but substantial time. As you've probably figured out, it is 1st base and at the younger ages I am a huge proponent of having a player who can catch the ball extremely well at 1st base at all times, as it gives the other girls on the field the greatest chance to succeed and enjoy the game. However, I gave in and it cost us not only wins, but it cost other girls on the team the chance at success. Of course, the parents who wanted their daughters to play 1st base didn't see it that way, but this old travel ball coach certainly saw it for what it was. My mistake and I wasn't about to let it happen again.

My daughter works very hard on her skills. She asks to practice on her own or with a few friends at least 2-3 times per week beyond her normal practice and game schedule. She is a very good hitter with power and an excellent defensive player. She's smart, too. I now give her the playing time she's earned and don't really worry about what anyone else thinks. She does great so no one really complains, at least where I can hear it. It also seems they rather enjoy winning 95% of their games.

Moral of the story: If you are qualified and are passionate about softball, please coach your DD. There is such a dearth of good coaches out there .... don't rob the other girls of one simply because your daughter plays on the team. Just make sure you treat her fairly and that the other girls know you treat them fairly and everything will be just fine. You will enjoy the time with your daughter more than I can convey with words.

 

[cmspock]

I made a decision last night that I can not coach DD11 next year. Due to a coach shortage and a pitcher shortage, I am coaching her12u team this year and she is the #1 pitcher (and probably #1 or #2 in the 10 team league).

She has a lot of natural talent as a pitcher but doesn't want to put in the work and has plenty of excuses when she isn't throwing great on the mound. Those excuses range from a headache to a runny nose to too many gnats around her head to the umpire to the ball is too slippery. Unfortunately, dad and I can see that the real problems are that she isn't striding far enough, isn't snapping, or is bending when she releases instead if staying tall. Her PC has gone over all of that with her and given her ways to correct, but as soon as we try to give her suggestions or even just try to let her work through it, she starts with the excuses and rolls her eyes.

I'm at my wits end already and we have 11 games in the next 15 days. She says she wants to pitch (and we've paid for pitching lessons) but she would prefer to catch but unfortunately she has to pitch this year. As I said, as far as ability she is far and away the #1 pitcher. Our #2 pitcher can throw strikes but can only pitch 4 innings per game per league rules. And so far when 3 and 4 have pitched it's 4 pitch walks to the next 8 batters. DD usually catches 2 innings and will pitch 2-3 per game.

If my kid can't/won't listen to me on the field, I feel like I'm doing a disservice to the rest of the team and because of that, I won't coach her next year. She will listen to other coaches but sometimes when she is really steaming, my assistant doesn't want to talk to her either. My thinking next year is to tell the league not even consider her as a pitcher in the draft because she needs to grow up and mature some, can't handle it, and doesn't want to do it.

 

[WARRIORMIKE]

My kid is a typical "park rat" With both mom and dad on the board shes at the park all the time. Practices with the boys and the girls. (Rec)


Personally this year I have stepped back a bit being that she does put a lot of time in with softball. Its hard to be fair, and firm with your kid. She knows that she will have that title as "coaches kid" shes learn to deal with it. However she is the reason why our Little League now has softball in the curriculum. All I ask for her is to be positive and never show any negativity on or off the field. She has started to be a little bit of a role model for our younger girls now too. She puts her time in and she plays. Not all the time, but she is my more confident hitter and fielder. When she makes one mistake on the field we laugh and move on. When she makes two I look at her with a weird face. When she makes the same mistake three times in a row, we repeat step one and two...........

We threw it out this year a lil bit on a "what if you went to another team with a different coach and I coached another team. Then what if we played each other?" That was good times at the dinner table that night.......

 

[NVfishing]

I'm leaning more towards coaching. Now it's more about learning to treat my DD the same as the other players and not expecting more from her than I would someone else. I don't know if that's possible but I may give it a try.

 

[Easton33]

@CMSPOCK... you are making the right decision not to coach her and it is unfair to the team. You have an 11 year old child that is not showing any respect to the coach or her parents. Neither is acceptable, IMO. She probably knows she is better than her teammates and that may be the issue, make her play for another coach with more competitive girls. That kind of attitude deserves a bench position regardless of her skill. Might as well address it and fix it now before she is 15 and no one wants to work with her. If the AC doesn't even want to talk to her you have a serious problem. Good Luck

 

[Grogger31]

At some point, they have to learn to cope with people making negative comments about their work. It is part of growing up.

You would think so, wouldn't you? Not my experience so far coaching 11 - 13 yos this year for the first time after moving up from 10U.

Have had parents complain that we're being too hard on the girls. Apparently asking them to watch the game they are playing in (while standing on 1st base!) rather than looking at what shirts are on sale at the concession stand is asking too much.

Love DD and the fact that she wants me to continue to coach, but I'm considering packing it in. If the other girls, and more importantly their parents, don't care about learning the game and improving, I'm questioning why I do.

 

[BaldNBeautiful]

Love DD and the fact that she wants me to continue to coach, but I'm considering packing it in. If the other girls, and more importantly their parents, don't care about learning the game and improving, I'm questioning why I do.

Don't question yourself, question why they are putting so much time into softball, but expecting so little in return.

 

[NVfishing]

We had a lot of parents upset over lack of coaching/demeanor towards players in our league this year. Parent coaching may be one of the toughest jobs in sports. So many parents and girls to keep happy. Bless the coaches.