Coaching your own DD

[David Carter]

I actually got an email rant from one of my really great parents from last year (this year not so much) one of her biggest complaints in the letter was how I was treating my DD unfairly and the she should not be sitting so others could play...then went on to complain that certain kids should sit more.

In my response I simply told her the truth, guilty as charged, it is simply to easy to sit your kid and know that there is no parent to complain about it...this is rec so I have to rotate people out so others can meet mandatory play rules and by a long series of events I have 14 girls on my team. that means I have girls that will be All Stars sitting on the bench but it is hard for people to wrap their head around why you would sit your best players in my situation it is simple I have to the numbers and substitution rules simply force my hand and there is no way around it.

My DD also tells me all the time how she wishes I could just cheer for her instead of figuring out what I need to be doing in the game as coach...if at all possible after 14U find a way to be in the stands. Biggest reason I coach now and before was simple incompetence from most of the coaches at the younger levels.

 

[NVfishing]

I think I will just leave her be. I will coach when the team is in a pinch. I don't worry for her playing time. She is one of the better players in league at any position she's put into. She's kind of plug and play. Knows the game, knows where to go with the ball, knows her back up responsibilitites, and she's vocal. I really enjoyed coaching her team when given the opportunity. I will say I worried about showing favoritism and don't like that feeling of worrying what others might think. She just got so pumped up while I was there that it was a lot of fun.

 

[Coach-n-Dad]

I was lucky enough to be able to coach my DD when she was little. I was AC of her second season of LL, HC her third season of LL and AC her first year of TB. At the end of her first year of TB she was 14 and she knew more about the game than I did so I completely turned her over to a more experienced coaching staff.

If you coach your DD, I suggest you treat her equally as a player and never as your DD. As sluggers noted, it is impossible but you can try. Once she goes to TB 14U and up, let someone else coach her.

My DD has played for coaches with no kids on the team for the last 2 years. This season she joined a team whose coach has a DD on the team. There is a HUGE difference in how parents judge his choice of who plays.

 

[ktm rider]

I have 2 DD's both play 10u travel ball where I am the AC and both play Rec Ball where I am the HC.

The other travel ball AC is also a very well respected pitching coach in our area so I leave all the critiques to him while playing travel ball. During rec practices I "try" not to be any harder on my girls as I am on the other girls. I usually let my AC tell them right from wrong. if that makes any sense.

I do coach them up during the games with NOTHING but positive comments and not getting all worked up at them when they fail. Usually when they fail they know why, and don't really need or want me to state the obvious.

 

[ASAVipers]

I Coached my Oldest (17 Now) 10-14REC and TB, at 14 I turned her over to someone else. Worked fine that way for 3 years. This summer we changed teams and the HC has known me a while and asked that I help Coach, so it seems fitting we'll go through this last year "together". I was always fairly Hard on her, partly because I never wanted anyone to think she had an "easy" road. Secondly she has always been one of the better players on her teams and expectations for her were high. My 7 yr old is playing now and I'll probably follow a similar path with her. Coach her till 12-14 and if she's still playing, I'll turn her over to someone. The single most important thing about Coaching your DD, even in Rec(but especially TB) if she's one of the best players on the team you won't catch much grief from other parents.If both parent and child enjoy the experience it can be GREAT, but I'm sure everyone can think of a situation where it has went totally WRONG.

 

[sluggers]

I do coach them up during the games with NOTHING but positive comments and not getting all worked up at them when they fail.

And that is OK at 10U. It would not be good at 16U. At some point, they have to learn to cope with people making negative comments about their work. It is part of growing up.

 

[ktm rider]

And that is OK at 10U. It would not be good at 16U. At some point, they have to learn to cope with people making negative comments about their work. It is part of growing up.

Agreed. Once they learn the finer points of the game more, I am sure I will also become a but more critical.

 

[Greenmonsters]

Agreed. Once they learn the finer points of the game more, I am sure I will also become a but more critical.

A parent/coach being critical is not the same thin as an unrelated coach being critical. If your DD continues to want to play the game and is good enough to play in college, she will have to learn to be independent and play for a coach who is not her parent. IMO, its better not to have to learn that during the first year of college.

Sluggers advice still makes as much sense to me today as it did 3 plus years ago. In fact, I doubt my DD would still be playing today if I had continued to coach her team and our relationship probably would not be as strong. YMMV.

 

[ktm rider]

I can'timagine me coaching the girls past 12U rec ball. Our 12U and up travel ball coaching roster is well established along with our middle school and high school programs. And quite frankly, I don't really want to. It is fine teaching them the basics in U8 and U10 but I would rather simply cheer them once they reach the older more competitive levels.

I do however plan to be sitting on the bucket catching during pitching lessons and offseason training sessions for years to come. But I plan to let PC do the coaching. I will have plenty of advice to offer if asked once they hit High School though.

 

[Jr10234]

My advice (based on my failure):
1)don't put your DD in a certain position just because she's the only one willing
2) allow your DD to experience other positions and develop as you would any other player
3)don't sit her unfairly, if she's at practice and working hard she deserves it
4) make post-game time about her-as dad, not coach
5) ENJOY the ride!