Can a coach tell a kid at a tryout they know she is trying out for other teams and name them?

[joe720]

It really depends on age of the player imo. At 16U don't think that is an out of line question. Good to see how they respond. Doing it to a 12YO, that is a different story. Softball is a very small community, everyone knows everyone, especially the coaches.

 

[Shiloh]

Even if he said it in a nice, nonthreatening manner, and even if she is 16U or 18U, this coach is purposely demeaning her.

He's putting her down by outing her.
Showing that he has power over her because he knows - and is freely verbalizing - sensitive information about her.
Putting her on the spot and trying to humiliate her.

Stay away. Far, far away.

He's more than a jerk. He's a predator.

 

[Chris8]

I think this is a had to be there to hear the whole conversation. I can't pass judgement or jump to conclusions on this coach based on the OP.

For perspective. MY DD is in middle of tryouts. She was asked by a coach if she was trying out for other teams. DD's answer. "Yes, I need to find a team with coaching, schedule, practices, and teammates with similar approaches and expectations." Coach asked her what other teams. DD answered with those teams.

Afterwards DD asked me if she shouldn't have shared. My opinion was it didn't matter. Good, experienced, seasoned coaches know you're not trying out with ONE team. But it gives the coach some info about her. Is the player trying out with other teams of similar caliber as this one. The coach learns she may be in competition for that player with others.

Conversely if it's the ELITE PREMIER...and all other tryouts are the hitten kittens C league....one of these things is not like the other things.

I don't read too much into the question.

The OP could have been as benign as assessing the skill/age/talent of the player and guessing you're probably trying out for XYZ....because that's where similar players would tryout.

One of my coaching buddies can figure out where my DD is going to tryout and where she isn't. Especially at the 16/18 levels. there really aren't secrets in this small world

 

[marriard]

{,,,]

I'd love some feedback on this.

Yes, of course, they can do this; it is pretty much the wild west out there and you can really do whatever you want.

Should they do this? No of course not. Stupid thing to do. Low class, Shows who they really are. Big red flag. Run away.

 

[RichK]

It's a power play. He recruits by power play. Probably coaches that way too. You learned just in time.

 

[GunnerShotgun]

Player is trying out for a couple teams for next season. In her first tryout one of the coaches, a very seasoned coach comes up to her and tells her he knows she is trying out for other teams and names them. He is right about one, wrong about another but approaching a teenage kid and putting them on the spot about trying out for other teams is, IMO, incredibly unethical.

If the player or parent offers the information that is fine, but this is not a question a coach should ask for specifics on, and not to the player. And it's even worse when they already know...what does that do except put the kid in an awkward position? Does it make the coach feel good or powerful? Why does the coach have to demonstrate this power/knowledge to the kid?

I would think a coach interested in a player would have a general conversation with the player AND parent after the tryout about whether they are trying out for other teams. This is an important part of the discussion with timing of tryouts and team decisions, etc.

If I'm interviewing candidates for a job, I would never ask them who else they are interviewing for. Nevermind doing this to a teenager.

I'd love some feedback on this.

As a coach I don't care what other teams you tryout for...not sure why this coach cares at all. I am also not sure why you care that he/she asked.

It may be an odd subject to bring up but how is it "incredible unethical"?

 

[JeffTracy]

As a coach I don't care what other teams you tryout for...not sure why this coach cares at all. I am also not sure why you care that he/she asked.

It may be an odd subject to bring up but how is it "incredible unethical"?

She's a teenage kid and it's a power play. End of story. He didn't ask, he told her where she was trying out, on the field during the tryout. Ethics is about doing the right thing. This was not the right thing. The more feedback I get here the more unethical I think it is.


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[GunnerShotgun]

She's a teenage kid and it's a power play. End of story. He didn't ask, he told her where she was trying out, on the field during the tryout. Ethics is about doing the right thing. This was not the right thing. The more feedback I get here the more unethical I think it is.


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Sometimes parents dodge coaches and organizations for the better and sometimes coaches get lucky and dodge crazy parents.

 

[docnsx01]

it should truly go both ways. as the child is trying out for that specific team the organization and the coach is in fact auditioning for the player and the family to see if they in fact want to pay him or her to develop their child.. do yo only go to one dealership to shop for a car.. those that make a big stink about who they are trying out for in my mind are more insecure.. I agree it should not be put on the child who is nervous enough during the tryouts (adult should have a little more subtleness ).. it should be said that at end f the tryout if truly a professional and secure in his or her product tell parents and athletes as group that we are aware that some of you may be be trying out for other organizations for whatever reasons, friends logistics, geography , talent level etc please do not make any hasty decisions and make the best fit for the individual child... just like again when you purchase a car you try and get the best deal and it may not always come down to price, maybe color , maybe location., maybe past history of that model.. just like most things in life that are milestones achievements they should be enjoyable ( buying the car , buying the first home etc) but these opportunities have been soiled by some ..best of luck to wherever your daughter truly decides and find a home with.. continued success .. the fact she was singled out but his coach means he is nervous that her talent may go elsewhere..stay true to your beliefs

 

[sbdad03]

I have to be honest, I see this totally different. I would have taken this as a HUGE compliment. You showed up to a tryout and the coach knew everything about you and you haven't even played for this coach. Sounds like your daughter is very good and other coaches are talking about her. It was like he was letting her know that she is well known and is glad that she came to his tryout. I would have walked away from the tryout thinking this was a compliment to my daughter.

Maybe I'm wrong, but people need to stop thinking everyone is out to get them all the time.