'HONEY you should have had that grounder'

[OsDad]

I know AD well enough to know that if some of his 18u players came to him and told him that "Honey" made some players uncomfortable, that he'd take them seriously. The idea that any use of the word in any context, in any situation is malicious isn't fair, and I think that's probably where some of the strong reaction is coming from.

There is a lot of nuance to things like this and the best thing anyone can do is to shut up and listen instead of dying on the hill of "This is how I've always done it and if you don't like it, you're soft".

 

[whiporee]

Just curious about something. I don't coach any more. Most of the players from my last team are now in college. When I am able, I go to watch them play. It isn't uncommon for one of them to walk over to me after the game and give me a hug. Is that creepy? For the record, one such player plays for one of DD's rivals. Her dad was my assistant coach. So while this player is hugging me, my DD is typically hugging her dad. Family friends, so I don't see anything wrong with it. But after reading this thread, I'm starting to wonder... The boundaries are becoming fuzzier and fuzzier.

You don't have any authority over them, so it doesn't matter, and my guess is they instigate the hugs more than you do.

But when they were playing for you? I don't know. Sort of depends on how long the hug lasts and the circumstances. Shoulder hug? Deep embrace? My guess is most organizations frown on it these days.

But the difference is that a hug is a deliberate, mutual act and "honey" is shorthand and one sided. A girl has a choice as to whether she hugs you. But in the case we're discussing, it's all done him-towards-her.

 

[jdint]

I called my DD Stevia. She assumed I was talking about Minecraft.

I refer to my DD as "ya big dummy!" in my best Fred Sanford voice.

See! I'm fun too.

 

[flogzilla]

So has anybody tried my example and used Monkfruit and if so how has it worked out for you?

Upon reading that post I immediately filed Monkfruit away for use in the near future. Maybe the next time I throw ball with my little Monkfruit we can see how it goes. May break it out at a restaurant, "hey Monkfruit, can I have some extra salad dressing" It has really limitless potential.

 

[_MIA_]

Sometimes I go to hug my wife and she tells me to sit my rear back down. Not sure how that fits into this conversation but I just wanted to get that off my chest.

 

[_MIA_]

Upon reading that post I immediately filed Monkfruit away for use in the near future. Maybe the next time I throw ball with my little Monkfruit we can see how it goes. May break it out at a restaurant, "hey Monkfruit, can I have some extra salad dressing" It has really limitless potential.

Nice..I am a trend setter. I should get an instaface account to further my reach.

 

[Cannonball]

A couple of points and then I'm outtie!

1. This very well could be a geographical thing. While I've never called a player "honey," if I did it would not be in any other way than me trying to communicate a thought. In my family, as I kind of mentioned, we were always around people who called us Hon, Honey, Sweetheart, Darling, ...
2. One very important point is that the parents/players should know who the coach personally speaking. They would know the traits of that coach. They would know if everyone was called ????? and if that comment was out of line. They would have a familiarity with the coach's personality. For example, one year I had a pitcher who was not doing well after he broke up with his girlfriend at school. The parents didn't know that yet. The dad yells out at me to go get after his son. I was known for being very active as a coach. I told the dad to let it ride for a little, sit back and just watch the game. When the game ended, the dad and son had a talk. The dad wondered why I wasn't my typical get after em coach. He knew something was up when I asked him to sit down and I didn't go to the mound to talk with the son. That group of parents understood me as well and I understood myself. The players maybe even more than that.

Ok, I'm outtteeee on this thread.

 

[Fluid Fastpitch]

In the normal course of coaching, terms of endearment are not okay.
I do use ladies/girls a lot. In that particular example, I'd've probably said something like "ooooh, girl! we just did 50 of those in practice last week! Guess we'll do some more this week!"

I will echo the geographical thing though. I'm a northerner, but spent a good amount of time in the Carolinas and Florida. I'm more likely to notice if someone doesn't call me Hon down there. But I notice it, probably because I'm a northerner, and it's jarring to my ears.

If I do call someone Honey, Sweetie, Baby, Boo, or something along those lines it's because maternal instinct has kicked in. Someone's hurt. Or their feelings are. I don't know if it's okay, but it slips out when I'm trying to express sympathy.

 

[Rolling Hard]

Why would it be a problem for consenting adults to hug?

Same example but girls are 12 to 17 years old. I got no problem with it. Every hug is not sexual. In fact most aren't. Does hugging another man mean you are gay?

 

[jdint]

A couple of points and then I'm outtie!

1. This very well could be a geographical thing. While I've never called a player "honey," if I did it would not be in any other way than me trying to communicate a thought. In my family, as I kind of mentioned, we were always around people who called us Hon, Honey, Sweetheart, Darling, ...
2. One very important point is that the parents/players should know who the coach personally speaking. They would know the traits of that coach. They would know if everyone was called ????? and if that comment was out of line. They would have a familiarity with the coach's personality. For example, one year I had a pitcher who was not doing well after he broke up with his girlfriend at school. The parents didn't know that yet. The dad yells out at me to go get after his son. I was known for being very active as a coach. I told the dad to let it ride for a little, sit back and just watch the game. When the game ended, the dad and son had a talk. The dad wondered why I wasn't my typical get after em coach. He knew something was up when I asked him to sit down and I didn't go to the mound to talk with the son. That group of parents understood me as well and I understood myself. The players maybe even more than that.

Ok, I'm outtteeee on this thread.

Good post. After all this lockdown stuff is over, I'll meet you at the Horseshoe and buy you a cold one. You can even call me Honey if you want.