The big question--What makes parent so fruity when it comes to softball?

[sluggers]

For clarity: FRUITY = CRAZY. CRAZY, as in "mad, insane, or erratic"

Is it:

(1) A general lack of understanding of sports.
(2) A lack of understanding softball specifically.
(3) The general decline in intelligence of Americans.
(4) A "sense of entitlement".
(5) Unrealistic evaluation of their DD's talent
(6) Something innate about the game (i.e., if a child plays softball, the parents' IQs are immediately lowered 25 points).

 

[druer]

I think a general lack of understanding of where someone's self worth comes from. The biggest question that many adults ask is "Why am I on earth?" If they don't know the answer to that they seek all kinds of ways to try and "justify" their worth. If they don't know how to answer it then they look to "things" whether it is sports or music or art or reading or whatever to try and look for things that make their kids "special." My personal belief is based in a faith in God that tells me that I'm special regardless of what I do. So I don't need to seek "man made" things to make me feel worthy.

I worked in children's ministry for 15 years and have been around hundreds of families/children at various events. Belief me there is nothing special about fastpitch softball that makes parents seem "fruity." Sad to report that it happens at all events. But I think one thing particular about fastpitch softball that I've seen in the past few years is that it has escalated along with the costs and the commitments. Parents that drive 2 hours for batting lessons, 2 hours for pitching lessons, 3 hours to tournaments with $1,000 worth of bats in the bat bag "want" to see positive results. They feel that the "results" justify the complete life change they've asked their whole family to make to support DD's game.

But with all of that said, I wouldn't discount any of your 6 observations either

 

[Cannonball]

Is it:

(1) A general lack of understanding of sports.
NO, many are well versed in sports. In fact, the craziest ones like me have been around sports all of their lives.
(2) A lack of understanding softball specifically.
I give this some validity. I'm a baseball person. Why the heck is the 3b so close? Slap? What the heck is that? You're doing what for bunt defense??? Wel, you get the point.
(3) The general decline in intelligence of Americans.
NOPE! Not a decline in intelligence. What once could not "be fixed" can still not "be fixed!"
(4) A "sense of entitlement".
PUKE! Sluggers, I think you have something here. I get upset that we are living in THE AGE OF ENTITLEMENT. Playing time, it seems is an entitlement. College scholarships are an entitlement. Telling the coach what to do is an entitlement. ON AND ON AND ON...
(5) Unrealistic evaluation of their DD's talent
Probably. My dd is the only 5 star player in my state and so, I keep hearing from parents how their child is better.
(6) Something innate about the game (i.e., if a child plays softball, the parents' IQs are immediately lowered 25 points).
Sure, Fastpitch is intense and much more compact than baseball. It has a lot of strategy. Yet, it can be dominated by one pitcher. You can see girls leaving it all out on the field regardless of ability. It really is a thing of beauty.

All of the above is simply my opinion (and some humor). My opinion and roughly $6 will get you an extra value meal at Mickey D's.

 

[mad hornet]

What do you mean by "fruity"? The context I am generally accustomed to hearing this word doesn't seem to reconcile with the choices.

 

[absdad]

I'll answer the big question, with the little question... Who cares?? Pick a sport, any sport, and you'll find "fruity" (whatever that is) people. If you think travel softball is bad, you should look at travel baseball or wrestling. 100 times worse.

 

[sluggers]

I'm using "Fruity" in the sense of "crazy, erratic, illogical, etc."

My youngest DD played travel hoops, and it was much better than softball. Parents didn't whine and complain as much, and there wasn't as much delusion about how your DD compared to other players.

But, the sports you mention (baseball/wrestling) are like softball in that it is really difficult to define objectively why someone is successful and why someone else isn't.

DRUER: That is a really good post. Thanks.

 

[shockcoach]

Sluggers,

Have you been around the select soccer scene? Just as bad, if not worse.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

I hope this wasn't aimed at me Mr. Ray.

This is a very good question, and one that most coaches ask themselves at one time or another.

In my experience it's not the ex-baseball playing dad's that are fruity, it's the talented kids whose PARENTS never played sports. Most have no idea what their talking about but want to run the show. Over the years we have let go of 7 good players because their parents were too much to deal with. We passed on the # 4 pitcher in the state this year solely because of her mom. She was the real deal nut.

I like what Cannonball posted and agree.

CB, this is for you. My first year in softball, my DD was 6 and I was not coaching. I wondered over to the older girls 13-14, and thought "why the heck are they not leading off the bases, these coaches are so stupid". So after I yelled a few times to the runners ( that I didn't even know ) to lead off, an older gentleman came over and said "son, you can't lead off in softball". Since I had an audience of 50-60 parents looking at me like 'what a dumba$$'........I quietly went back to my daughter's field. My fellow travel coaches to this day remind me of that experience. So after 20 years of baseball, I quickly realized I knew 10% about softball. ( I think now I'm up to 15% )

My point, I played football, baseball ( college ) but was still able to make a fool of myself in softball. I guess that's what happens when you have daughters.

 

[SoCalSoftballdad]

The bottom line is that most parents think their kids are better than they are because they see them with rose-colored glasses and they are an extension of themselves, they do not want them to "fail". They will give their kids the benefit of the doubt and cannot view them objectively whether its in softball, dance, theater, etc.. Their kids are the best because to them, they are the best. As a coach, I struggle not to give preferential treatment to my DD, but you cannot be 100% objective when coaching your own kids or watching them play fron the bleachers.

sluggers - your original question was, I presume, geared towards non-coaching parents, but might be even worse with the coaching parent. For example, I had a parent tell me that because his 11 YO pitching DD didn't live up to the coaches expectations (she pitched with speed, but had no accuracy, and had built the team around her thinking she was an ace pitcher) the coach benched her all season, ignored her, and would not even talk to her. This father said it was the worse psychological abuse he had seen in his years in softball.

 

[alexander58]

Most households are now "child centered" versus what I grew up with," adult centered". With so much attention placed on the kids, the stakes are raised for their achievements. I'm old (51),so my experience as a child was either being dropped off or I walked to practices and games.When I got home, my mother didn't think to ask . My father was interested, but terribly so. Neither of my parents would have ever thought to ask a coach about playing time. If I were to complain about something being unfair, you guessed it, I'd hear , " Son, life isn't fair". Today's parents are so completely involved in their child's life, they don't know how to let their kids battle for themselves.