Team meeting

[Nimrod]

OK, so DD is on a 16U showcase team. Previously I wrote about an incident in which there was some chat on a message board by a couple of players saying they didn’t want to play one weekend and hoped they lost early and other negativity in warmups. Your advice which I took and believe was correct was to let it go.

This weekend, the coach confronts the team after a bad game and questions the team’s heart and motivation. There were a couple of plays my daughter failed to make, and he pointed them out, and basically said he wanted to call out the team more and for players to call each other out more. DD took that feedback well. She wants to be pushed. It led to a good discussion between DD and myself. Good coaching, IMO.

Two games later, another poor effort/loss. Assistant coach calls for players-only meeting. DD says they focused mainly on DD and another player and said ‘they didn’t know how to play the outfield.’ There have been 2 balls this weekend that DD could’ve taken charge and taken that she didn’t. As she walked away from the meeting, she overheard a player say (while watching another game) ‘that’s how you play outfield.’

DD can take criticism. If it’s constructive. Saying things like that behind a player’s back is very damaging, IMO.

What really makes it hard for DD to take is that she has her own frustrations with the team, that they don’t want to win bad enough, they don’t work hard enough. They complain. DD outworks everybody on the team. One player even complained that they didn’t like the fact that DD gets on the fence in the dugout and cheers because it keeps another player from seeing.

Let me put it another way.

Several weeks ago, a player on the team made a comment on a message board that she hoped we lost a game so it would shorten our weekend. Never confronted. Another girl who took 300 fly balls on her own in practice last week gets called out because 2 balls dropped this weekend that they thought she should have caught if she'd been more assertive. They were right. She should've caught them. But that's pretty tough to take when you're busting your rear and you're one getting called out.

 

[JohnnyO]

On our 14u travel team we do not allow players to criticize other players. The coaches are the only ones to take any corrective action needed. In team meetings no single kid is singled out as having made poor plays. These are kids they will make mistakes. If someone is on a Showcase team and not giving 100% or wants the weekend to be done early then they better be sitting on the bench or stay home. Any player that can't give 100% every game needs to be thinking about if they should be in softball. We have far too many kids wanting the spot they are in to waste our coaching time if they don't seem to care. The kids that want the extra practice after practice are the ones we want.

My cousin was the #1 three point shooter in NCAA Div 1. After practice and after homework about 11pm each night he'd go and shoot 750-1000 three pointers in the gym before bed. That's the kind of work ethic kids need if they want to be the best at their position. There does not seem to be the work ethic or drive to succeed by too many kids these days.

 

[Strike2]

A coach calling out individual mistakes by players after a game, while simultaneously questioning heart and motivation, is a recipe for wrecking the team. You don't publicly focus blame on individuals after a loss...ever. If there's a mistake, talk about it constructively during the next practice, and work on the fix. If team heart and motivation seem weak, you figure out how to improve it, even if it means getting rid of people, but yelling at teenage girls after a loss isn't going to get it done.

As for team mates calling each other out individually, when we're talking about anyone below HS varsity level, it shouldn't happen. Even then, it's a minefield that can rapidly erode whatever cohesion the team previously enjoyed. Kids don't typically know how to offer constructive criticism. The vast majority don't even know enough to criticize others in a way that's helpful, and especially with girls, it usually involves more issues with personality and popularity than substance.

Even in pro sports, you only see a select few with the experience, leadership, and positional power to call out individual mistakes made by team mates. Usually, they are quarterbacks with a long track record of success. The idea of some teenager calling out another is ridiculous.

 

[Nimrod]

Folks thanks. As I said my DD can hear criticism, and she can use it to help her. But yeah, yall hit on what I was wonder about, whether players at this age can maturely do this sort of thing without it blowing up. When you ask kids to be leaders, many think that just means criticize and boss people around. Not saying some kids can't do it. There are some really good leaders on younger teams. I'm rambling, but yeah, it's hard to take criticism from your peers when they haven't earned your full respect in the first place.

Also I don't mind the coach calling you out as long as it's not blaming. My DD can hear a coach say (even in front of the team) 'that's a play that I expect you to make. That's a play you need to make to reach your goals. I expect more.' So I don't take issue w/ the coaches. But the players saying basically 'you suck at that' isn't gonna cut it, and coaches should nip that, IMO.

 

[canyonjoe]

Letting players loose on each other is a recipe for disaster. Any coach that singles out another player for something bad
should just refrain from post game speeches. I do remember once after a close loss in a championship game at the first
practice I asked the kids to raise their hand if they thought that had done something wrong or could have done something
better to win the game. Every single kid raised their hand as did I. I think the point hit home after that how much of a team
game it really was.

 

[sluggers]

Any coach that singles out another player for something bad should just refrain from post game speeches.

I'll go a step further..."All coach should refrain from post game speeches."

 

[Cannonball]

I have a different perspective and so, my opinion is that no coach should allow a player's only conference/meeting. What good does that do? Typically, the stronger kids single out and pick on the others. The "star" gets to vent. The good teammates stand there and take it. I can't think of one time when my dd's teams fixed issues or came together. In fact, just the opposite. I'll tell a story about one young girl I know well. In a similar meeting, teammates said that this player was trying to hit home runs and should be getting more base hits. This player left this meeting feeling like a whipping child for all of the woes of the team. Ironically, this player was hitting .485 at the time and over 100 points higher than the next player on the team. This player, at that time, had an on base percentage of over .800. The next was around .400. This player was tied for 3rd in the nation for home runs at the time and led the team in RBI by a lot. Yeah that was a constructive meeting.

 

[Strike2]

I'll go a step further..."All coach should refrain from post game speeches."

That's a step too far. When done right, the post game talk is a great opportunity to praise what's good, and place what might have gone wrong in the right context. Especially after a tough loss, it can be used to help reset the mood of the team. The only time it's a problem is when coaches use it as a platform to vent over how much their team sucks, or even worse, call out individual mistakes as the reason for the loss.

 

[Cannonball]

That's a step too far. When done right, the post game talk is a great opportunity to praise what's good, and place what might have gone wrong in the right context. Especially after a tough loss, it can be used to help reset the mood of the team. The only time it's a problem is when coaches use it as a platform to vent over how much their team sucks, or even worse, call out individual mistakes as the reason for the loss.

5 Minute Rule!!! End on a positive! Make it a team thing and not an individual thing.

What I do = I hand out "burst" for those who did well. For example, I have single burst (team claps together one time in unison), double burst, (team claps two times in unison) and triple burst. (I think you get the point.) In that way, I can highlight the good teammates did and give players a goal to earn burst the next game. 5 MINUTES AND THAT IS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Nimrod]

Thanks for all the responses. I have to admit that this is still bothering me and DD.

I've decided that this is a case of the coaches asking the players to do their job. It's the coaches' responsibility to critique and coach, not the players. If you make players do it, it's like letting kids play with sharp knives. And they will target the ones that are safe. They won't confront their friend, or their enemy who will attack the back. It won't be about softball. It will be about preserving your place in the group. Maybe it will heal with time, but there is a part of DD that feels back-stabbed and wanting to find better teammates.