More advice... please

[toquin]

Okay so things like practice and tryouts are a part of the game of Softball. Without them, there'd be no way to improve or to segregate levels of players. Often I see young ladies perform in a gargantuan manner in practice and then wilt away in game situations. My DD is the exact opposite. In practice she hustles and tries her heart out, but the results just aren't there. Conversly, when the game starts, a switch flips and she hits everything, pitches a couple miles an hour faster and fields every ball within 5 feet of her. None of this would be an issue if her playing time wasn't dictated by how she performs in practice for her middle school and TB teams. I want to believe she'll get the chance (eventually) to show what she's capable of in a game, but that's going to be hard to do when she's not in the game. How do I get her to flip that switch during practices without having her put so much pressure on herself that she pushes too hard (something that I believe helps add to the issue)?

 

[Sweet Lou]

May be obvious but have you tried telling her "You know coaches make decisions about who plays in games based on how they perform at practice right?"

 

[toquin]

I have, but there's no way I could put more pressure on her than she puts on herself. She's one of the most self motivated 13 year olds you'll find, and I believe that may actually be part of the problem.

 

[Sweet Lou]

From what you describe she sounds like she's doing everything right in practice.

You can try too hard. She may not listen but try to get her to relax more in practice. Keep up the hustle but tell her not to try and be perfect.

 

[toquin]

I have (a hundred times) I'd like to know if anyone has experienced anything similar. Like I alluded to in my initial post, I've seen girls light it up in practice and fail in games all of the time, but my DD confounds me. She wants to do well and I want her to show her potential, but sometimes I think that her humble (sometimes self-depricating) nature tends to undermine her confidence.

 

[chinamigarden]

My dd is a gamer. Pitches much better in games then she is in the gym in February or March, it cost her a spot pitching in HS last year. All you can do is make sure you perform every time you get the chance in a game. Eventually the coach will catch on.

 

[JJsqueeze]

great topic. My older DD is a bad practice player but a good gamer. By that I mean that she makes far more mistakes in practice as she does in games and it is pretty apparent to me that it is all mental, she just does not value practice very much. She has been overlooked here and there at the beginning of a season or on a new team, but in general the game performance trumps all and coaches wind up having her in the heart of the lineup and rarely sitting. I've had discussions about how she needs to "put better icing" on the cake but she just doesn't do it. She's gotten a little better but she still zones out on drills occasionally or drags rear on and off the field. Drives me crazy, but what can you do? When she moves up and things get serious in a few years she will either learn her lesson that you need to practice HARDER than you play or she will get passed by for spots on better teams. A little heartbreak is a great teacher though.

 

[JAD]

When she does get into a game she needs to make the most of the opportunity and show the coaches what she can do, but continue working to improve her performance in practices.

 

[sluggers]

How do I get her to flip that switch during practices without having her put so much pressure on herself that she pushes too hard (something that I believe helps add to the issue)?

One of the reasons playing sports is good for kids is because they learn "life lessons" about how the world works. And, this is one of those life lessons. You have to be honest with her.

When she moves up and things get serious in a few years she will either learn her lesson that you need to practice HARDER than you play or she will get passed by for spots on better teams

JJ is absolutely right. Other than in TB where the parent is paying for DD play, you can't expect coaches to put a player in the game based upon the hope that the player will do well in a game.

Ultimately, what happens is that the kids playing develop better game skills than the girls sitting out, and pretty soon there is an insurmountable gap between the top 12 players and the rest.

 

[Elk Grove Hurricane]

This is hard to answer without seeing and knowing your daughter, but have you tried having her face the idea that no matter how well she does, she can still fail if the other girls do better? The fear of failure is worse than actually failing sometimes. The fear that you're going to fail leads you to paralysis by analysis, inability to recognize things you know well under pressure, etc. You start thinking that you need to make up for one mistake by doing something extraordinary, and when that doesn't work you try even harder, etc. If your DD can get to the point where she forgets about the competition, takes every AB and fielding chance seriously but not like her life depends on whether she excels in the moment, she will be the kid you see in games.