LL coach charged with lewd & lascivious conduct

[Momo'sDad]

I'm posting this in an effort to gather more perspectives. A local adult male was recently arrested and charged with lewd and lascivious conduct involving a minor. He's a pretty well-known baseball coach. The town newspaper printed a small blurb based on limited information about the arrest. The investigation is rumored to have lasted quite some time. Some adults in the community don't want any public discussion about the allegations, while others argue that attempting to deal with this in whispers as a community can only further shame the alleged victim at a time when she needs to know that she did nothing wrong. I agree that it's a private matter, but because a crime occurred, the public has a right to know and to offer opinions.

I do not know the identity of the alleged victim, but do know the name of the accused. He's someone that I've seen before, but we have no relationship. One of his daughters is the same age as the alleged victim.

As long as the accused receives due process, my primary concern is the potential victim. I do not believe there is a 1-size-fits-most answer in regard to what a 14yo girl would rather receive from the public, if anything. So, the question I ask is what is better for her in such cases? I err on the side of not speculating or passing judgment on any parties until facts are made public, but as a small town, can we do unseen, long-term damage by not openly offering our support, even though we have to idea what she's going through privately?

 

[CPEM]

If you or your daughter are the victim's close friend, offer support. Otherwise, give her and her family their privacy. That would be what I would do.

 

[KCPRK]

From the victims perspective theres no winning here.

Well never know if the vicitm wants to forget about it and move on. If shell need help to process it. Etc Etc Etc. There are two ruined lives here no matter what has or will happened. My prayers are out to the families and your community. This is not easy to recover from.

Im not going to speculat here. I wish to say that well never know the truth and the extent of the crime as it can be all across the spectrum. For example if an adult couple are watching an "adult movie" in their home at 2am and your daughters guest gets up to go to the bathroom, sees someone is up, walks in and sees you watching the video you can be prosecuted by the parents for exposing them which is lewd and lascivious conduct. This makes you a predator just the same as physical violence.
(It is our responsibility as adults too protect these children and shield them from things like adult movies so I understand the logic.)

 

[JJsqueeze]

There is no playbook for this. You just try your best not to be a gossip, not to condemn someone before all of the facts come out, try to be kind and hope everything turns out for the best. If he gets off on some sort of technicality despite the fact that everyone knows he did something then you help the dad beat him senseless when the time comes.

 

[Elk Grove Hurricane]

I do a lot of volunteer work for an ORG that supports victims. Best thing you can do is support your local ORG that does the same thing, try not to find out who it was (I know that goes without saying, just one of those things where the case isn't over and no good will come of knowing this unless for some reason you were coaching her and her parents told you), and remain vigilant. Always have a female coach on your staff and avoid every appearance of impropriety so that all the parents know you're aware of how serious this is. But don't stop teaching and being a decent guy.

 

[sluggers]

So, I was a prosecuting attorney handling sex abuse cases for four "wonderful" years.

I understand you want to help, but you have absolutely nothing to offer to this child. You don't have any idea what happened. You have had absolutely no training in how to deal with sex abuse victims.

If the child was abused or assaulted, she has been traumatized. She has the same problem as any woman would have in a similar situation, but compounded by the fact she is a teenager. The parents are getting her the help she needs.

The absolute best thing you can do for her is to give this child "normalcy"--treat her as if nothing happened.

It is delightful to read posts from people who are clueless about this stuff. The world is always so wonderfully black and white for people who have no idea how complex sex abuse is.

Here is a "real world" example:

Dad abuses daughter. Dad is the sole support for the family, and makes $80,000 a year. Mother hasn't worked in 10 years, and has a high school education. Mother and daughter come to your office crying. If Dad is convicted, Dad will be sent away for 10 years. The mother and daughter will have to sell their home, move into an apartment, and go on welfare. Daughter says she won't testify against her father. She just wants the whole world the way it was before she told on her Dad. She says she lied about it and that he didn't do anything. Mother swears she will keep Dad away from the daughter. The trial starts in four days. What do you do?​

This is similar...it is awful what the coach did. But, he has a wife and kids. So...you put the guy away, and you basically destroy his family, and put his kids on welfare.

These are all no-win situations.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

In HS, a 14 yo classmate got pregnant by her 19 yo boyfriend. She cried stranger rape. Many men around town were whispered about. (small town of 5000) Anyway, she made a bad situation worse. She did finish HS there. We all treated her normally. But, it was never forgotten. She was too young to have consented. She was too young to have been thrust into an adult world. To say the whole thing was awful, is putting it mildly.

 

[Elk Grove Hurricane]

So, I was a prosecuting attorney handling sex abuse cases for four "wonderful" years.

I understand you want to help, but you have absolutely nothing to offer to this child. You don't have any idea what happened. You have had absolutely no training in how to deal with sex abuse victims.

If the child was abused or assaulted, she has been traumatized. She has the same problem as any woman would have in a similar situation, but compounded by the fact she is a teenager. The parents are getting her the help she needs.

The absolute best thing you can do for her is to give this child "normalcy"--treat her as if nothing happened.

It is delightful to read posts from people who are clueless about this stuff. The world is always so wonderfully black and white for people who have no idea how complex sex abuse is.

Here is a "real world" example:

Dad abuses daughter. Dad is the sole support for the family, and makes $80,000 a year. Mother hasn't worked in 10 years, and has a high school education. Mother and daughter come to your office crying. If Dad is convicted, Dad will be sent away for 10 years. The mother and daughter will have to sell their home, move into an apartment, and go on welfare. Daughter says she won't testify against her father. She just wants the whole world the way it was before she told on her Dad. She says she lied about it and that he didn't do anything. Mother swears she will keep Dad away from the daughter. The trial starts in four days. What do you do?​

This is similar...it is awful what the coach did. But, he has a wife and kids. So...you put the guy away, and you basically destroy his family, and put his kids on welfare.

These are all no-win situations.

As someone who does know how complex sexual abuse this is, I'm not seeing how any of the advice here equates to clueless behavior. Everyone pretty much said what you said, the language may be different but not enough to change the meaning. And I respectfully disagree with any thought that what happens to his family should even be a consideration until sentencing., The issue now is what to do with a young girl who complained of abuse. Yes, by all means stay out of this and treat her like you would anyone else, but we're all on the same page on that issue. If someone does find out by being told, the parents are telling you for a reason and ignoring that does no good.

 

[guero_gordo]

Sluggers is referring to posts like mine(since deleted) with simplistic offerings like life sentences or vigilante justice. Point taken in my case, YMMV.

 

[sluggers]

Elk Grove, the posts I was referring to was deleted.

Your view is that of a person who works on the child advocacy side of sex abuse. It is a very important area, but that is only one side of a very, very complicated situation.

A prosecutor's job, as to the child is pretty straight forward. I would make sure the child is getting the help he/she needs. On occasion, I would even take the children away from the parents. But, basically, after that, there is not much else that I could do for the child.

The more complex problem is how to deal with the defendant. In the real world of prosecuting these sex abuse cases, there is almost always a plea bargain under discussion from the first time the guy/gal is charged. As a prosecutor, I would have to start thinking of the appropriate penalty for the offender from the very beginning. The plea bargain discussions go on continuously from the beginning of the case to the very end. You have discussions with the defense attorney, the parents, the social workers, the probation officer, and the investigators.

Often, the abuser and the victim are related. I've had situations where the parents of the victim are advocating for less punishment than what the abuser agreed to. I had one case where the parents were begging me to let the abuser go because the grandparents couldn't stand to see their son put away.