coaching dilema

[tmolina]

Well my 10u daughter is gearing up for Fall ball, but I just found out her coach isn't going to be coaching this fall(his daughter went to a club team). So either I can coach a team or find another team for her to play on. She has been focusing alot on her pitching mechanics(hired a pitching coach) this summer and we go hit alot. She is really pumped up watching the national team playing on TV this weekend too. What to do? I went to all her practices last two seasons and helped the head coach whom I really liked his coaching style. I wonder what will be in the best interest of my daughter? For me to coach her team or get her on another team...Any suggestions from those who have been in the same situation. I played ball or been around it my whole life so its not like I am a newbie, but it will be my first time as head coach...
TM

 

[briand]

T- I am in a similar situation with my 10u DD. She plays rec ball right now and due to growth in our association we have more teams than coaches. I have been an assistant coach the last 2 seasons but will be a head coach this fall. I would love to hear from the experts here what are some of the best drills to start with and any advice for a new coach.

 

[Mark H]

Tmolina,

That can be a tough call. If you are coaching the team, do you bend over backward to avoid showing favoritism and your kid gets a bad deal? Do you start your kid where you think she belongs and others whisper daddy ball? It can be a great time for all or it can be tough. One thing for sure, when you are responsible for the whole team, you will have less time available to work with your own kid one on one. What are the options. How well does your DD take coaching from you. Lots of variables. No pat answers. Keep reevaluating season to season what is best for your kid and the relationship between the two of you.

 

[3'sDad]

I took the jump last year in Fall ball and continued in the Spring. Here's the things that worked best for our team (12U): I didn't coach DD one of the other coaches worked with her (his older daughter had also pitched so he has a good idea of what to look for). DD was aksed to play in several positions in addition to her comfort zone positions as the team would be short a player and we'd say "DD go play______". Grumble grumble but she'd go out and do it. After the game I'd hear "Dad why did you make me play ____ ?" Ansewer : "Beacause someone had to and your the coaches daughter....I can't ask other kids to go play someplace different if they're not comfortable in playing ghtat position and may get hurt."

All in all coaching is a good experience....our organization has and holds training classes for all coaches and managers which we are all required to attend so skills are taught in a consistant manner throughout.

 

[sluggers]

tmolina: First, it depends on your goal. If you want her to be something special, then you have to spend a lot of time hitting ground balls, playing pitch and catch, and pitching batting practice. Seriously, it takes about 1.5 hours a day, five days a week. If you try to do this on top of coaching, you will get burned out on coaching.

Second, if you want your DD to be good at softball, she (and you) have to learn what it takes to beat out the other competition on the team. If you coach, she will play a pre-determined amount based on something other than how good she is relative to the other players.

Therefore, she learns that no matter how much or little she works or how good or bad she is, she plays "X" innings. That mindset will not work in a highly competitive environment.

Every Daddy Coach says, "Oh, I do things different." But, in fact, they don't. They can't. They are our little girls, and we protect them. That is what Daddies do. But, you can't protect your DD when it comes to competitive sports. Your DD has to learn how to fight and claw for playing time.

3'sDad: While I understand what you are saying, you illustrated why Daddies should stop coaching at 12U.

Consider for a second what you are telling her. She might be hearing that she plays these different position is because of *YOU*. Is that true? Or is it because she is tougher and more talented than the other kids on the team?

If you were not coaching, you would have said something like, "Well, the coach must think you can do a lot of different things. Take it as a compliment" or perhaps, "Hey, you're lucky to be on the field. Stop whining." Either of those response may be closer to reality than what you said.

If you are going to continue to coach, you have to treat her like another player, and get your "Daddy mindset" out of the way. It is tough, and perhaps impossible to do.

 

[Ken Krause]

I am pretty good at separating my duties as a coach from my feelings as a father, but I will admit I can't do it completely. I sometimes get madder at my daughter when she watches a third strike go by than I would another player, and I sometimes hesitate to remove her from pitching early enough because of my faith in her abilities. At times I may also take her out when I'd leave someone else in.

Still, it's been pretty rewarding overall. If you're willing to take the good with the bad it can be a great experience. This is likely my youngest daughter's last year, and I'm sad about that. I will likely continue to coach a team. I will probably find it easier because I won't have to worry how my decisions will affect my daughter socially within the team, and I will view everyone a little more objectively. But there is something special about the time you spend with your own daughter.

 

[calgofo]

I loved coaching and my daughter got to play in college on a scholarship but, looking back, I was uneccessarily tough on her and its something I still regret. Its tough wearing the coaches hat and the daddy's hat.

 

[Dusty]

I could have started a thread with this title but it would be from the perspective of the coach who's kid is leaving (maybe) rec for travel.

I've got two kids who just finished their rec all-star seasons and the oldest one (entering 2nd year 12u) has a clear-cut path to a club team. Her rec coach is taking the fall off due to the upcoming birth of a son and dd has practiced several times with the team she'll join this fall for the '09/'10 season. She wants to join this team and knows she's ready for it and both dw and I have a solid comfort level with the coaching.

The younger one is going into her 2nd year 10u season and I coached her regular season and all-star team. I volunteered to coach the all-star team last winter because I pushed the league to change the way they selected teams and scheduled the all-star season. To make a long story short, although we were frequently pummeled by travel teams in the all-star season, by all accounts the season was a smashing success in terms of the kids enjoyment and development as players.

Now that the summer season has ended my younger dd has mixed feelings about returning to rec this fall. While some of her best friends are on her rec team she's gotten a taste of a higher level play and thinks going back to rec will be boring. She was the only decent pitcher in the league last spring and although we developed some new pitchers during the all-star season, they aren't going to be of the same caliber she'd face in travel.

I've had several parents ask me about whether I'm returning as a coach this fall and I don't know what to tell them, most of the local 10u travel teams haven't conducted tryouts or even named coaches because they're still participating in various national tournaments. I'd feel kind of bad about bailing out on the rec league after accomplishing so much this summer and I'm not sure what I'll do with myself if my dd joins a travel team. I consider myself a decent rec coach but I'm not qualified to coach a travel team. I don't think there's any question that if my younger dd doesn't join a travel team this fall she'll look to pick up with one before next spring.

Tmolina, I would recommend signing up to coach your dd's rec team this fall, just don't send me nasty pm's or flame me on this board afterwards It's just a fall season after all and you'll get a better appreciation of what every coach goes through as your dd progresses in her softball career. Although your dd's former coach is out, I'm sure he/she would be happy to give you some pointers if you asked.

Good luck

 

[sluggers]

I'd feel kind of bad about bailing out on the rec league after accomplishing so much this summer

I'm not trying to be harsh, but do you see the problem with this? This is one reason parents don't make good coaches. You are talking about what *you* accomplished. The game is supposed to be about building up the self-esteem and abilities of the girls, not yours. Is this about making your DD a better person, or is this about you?

As a confession, I was just like you. My DD's pitching coach, a wise old ex-fastpitch pitcher from Chicagoland, told me I could either have good travel ball teams and a mediocre softball player for a daughter, or a great softball player for a daughter.

I'm not sure what I'll do with myself if my dd joins a travel team

What you do is spend that extra time hitting grounders, pop ups, throwing batting practice and catching your DD so that she becomes the best player she can be. That is what you do if your DD (not you) wants to become a great softball player. That is what being a parent is all about--helping your DD achieve *HER* dreams.

Trust me, it is much better for you and her in the long run.

 

[Dusty]

I'm not trying to be harsh, but do you see the problem with this? This is one reason parents don't make good coaches. You are talking about what *you* accomplished. The game is supposed to be about building up the self-esteem and abilities of the girls, not yours. Is this about making your DD a better person, or is this about you?

As a confession, I was just like you. My DD's pitching coach, a wise old ex-fastpitch pitcher from Chicagoland, told me I could either have good travel ball teams and a mediocre softball player for a daughter, or a great softball player for a daughter.

For the record what you've quoted is me saying "after accomplishing so much" not "after I accomplished so much". In the full context of my post though I can see how you would draw the conclusion that you did.

BTW- thanks for making me feel better about pulling my kid from rec and putting her on a travel team I'm not coaching